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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this weird or a turn off for anyone?

147 replies

S99 · 24/12/2023 09:57

Hi, I'm dating a man but he has two names? His family call him his birth name but he told me he always hated his birth name so changed his name to a name he preferred a few years ago. Do you think this is weird or should I be more understanding?

OP posts:
Dotjones · 24/12/2023 09:58

YANBU, that would be a big red flag.

Fourfurrymonsters · 24/12/2023 09:58

I can’t believe you’re even asking this tbh. Of course it’s not weird. Jesus.

fourelementary · 24/12/2023 09:58

It’s not that uncommon. You’re weird to think it’s anything odd.

KnitOnePurlTwo · 24/12/2023 10:00

Why on earth would this be ‘weird’? I can think of loads of people I know (including my own father) who are known by someone other than their birth name.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/12/2023 10:00

What’s to understand? He doesn’t like his name, he changed it. Either he’s not told his family for fear of upsetting them, or they’ve chosen to ignore his wishes. Neither of those options reflect badly on him.

Why do you find it weird, and even More strange, a turn off?

do you think he’s changed it for nefarious reasons?

ShinyBandana · 24/12/2023 10:01

My DH picked a new name that he’s been using now for 40+ years so everyone he’s met since he was 17 knows him as this. His Dad, Brother and brothers family call him by his actual name, but I think they’re the odd ones here.

Sauvblanctime · 24/12/2023 10:02

Yabu

BruceAndNosh · 24/12/2023 10:02

Dotjones · 24/12/2023 09:58

YANBU, that would be a big red flag.

Why?

Beenaboutabit · 24/12/2023 10:02

YABU.

there are so many people like this, mostly they go unnoticed.

But do LTB if his family call him Alexander and his pals call him Boris.

Deathbyathousandcats · 24/12/2023 10:02

People do this all the time. Stop being so daft.

porridgeisbae · 24/12/2023 10:02

Lol.

I changed mine.The surname I decided on is kind of weird (the first name just an abbreviation of the original, which I already used - such as Liz for Elizabeth. )

I must be an absolute psycho.

Sauvblanctime · 24/12/2023 10:03

Dotjones · 24/12/2023 09:58

YANBU, that would be a big red flag.

Are you ok? Has someone put Rohypnol in your cuppa?

TheKnittedCharacter · 24/12/2023 10:03

Unless he changed it to something really awful, like Barry, I can’t see an issue.

Original poster
S99 · 24/12/2023 10:03

Dotjones · 24/12/2023 09:58

YANBU, that would be a big red flag.

Do you think so?

OP posts:
Deathbyathousandcats · 24/12/2023 10:03

Don’t just focus on the mad posts

intotheblueagain · 24/12/2023 10:04

Can you say what's troubling you about it S99?

BitOutOfPractice · 24/12/2023 10:04

Beenaboutabit · 24/12/2023 10:02

YABU.

there are so many people like this, mostly they go unnoticed.

But do LTB if his family call him Alexander and his pals call him Boris.

😂

pingusslappyfeet · 24/12/2023 10:05

It’s more the family dynamic that’s weird. It’s not uncommon to want to change your name and I’ve got two relations who changed their names for valid reasons (one is Karen!) However, their immediate families keep calling them by their birth names. Find that a bit peculiar tbh and if they can’t respect his wishes on that I’d be worried his family are a bunch of own way merchants.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 24/12/2023 10:05

Sauvblanctime · 24/12/2023 10:03

Are you ok? Has someone put Rohypnol in your cuppa?

Show quote history

Is that you, James? You aren't clever(ly) and you aren't funny.

Mumof1andacat · 24/12/2023 10:05

Its not weird. I work in the nhs. We have many people who are 'registered' as one name but go by another and that might be a nick name, shorter name or another name completely. I know a Neil who prefers Eddy (his middle name is Edward) and an Elizabeth who prefers to be called Babs.

PyramidDreams · 24/12/2023 10:06

My FIL uses the shortened version of his name. I think it is rude of his family to continue to call him by the long version of his name as he clearly doesn't like it. It is normal to choose to call yourself by a completely different name altogether if you don't like the name you were given. I don't find it odd.

MaryHinges · 24/12/2023 10:07

S99 · 24/12/2023 10:03

Do you think so?

Show quote history

Interesting how you only pick out the single answer that agreed with you and ignore the rest. Why would someone not liking their name be a red flag for goodness sake? Perhaps dating isn't for you.

15PiecesOfFlair · 24/12/2023 10:08

I know several people like this, men and women. It can be common for men to use their middle names. Others have ones that just stuck, maybe started as nicknames.

Its not weird. I work in the nhs. We have many people who are 'registered' as one name but go by another and that might be a nick name, shorter name or another name completely

Same here.

Bbq1 · 24/12/2023 10:09

Are his family aware he uses a different name? I have a family member called let's say, William. Only three people call him Will but everyone else calls him Billy I cl his wife as that's the name he's introduced himself with since sge 18.

ChristmasSteps295 · 24/12/2023 10:10

I agree with you.

I've changed my name. Only slightly so it didn't keep getting muddled with another more common name. I think that's fine.

But I dated a man once who had changed his entire name (from something completely normal) to something really obscure and pompous. He got dumped for being an attention seeking emotionally manipulative arsehole. I wish I'd realised the name was a big red flag in the beginning.

I wish I could tell you the name because you'd laugh.