Is this weird or a turn off for anyone?

[S99]

Hi, I'm dating a man but he has two names? His family call him his birth name but he told me he always hated his birth name so changed his name to a name he preferred a few years ago. Do you think this is weird or should I be more understanding?

Well actually you can. If you want. You can choose not to date someone if they do. That doesn’t mean they have a red flag. If you don’t like something about someone, you don’t like it. It’s not a red flag.

You do realise some people will think your reaction is also sign of a mental illness. Maybe you should finish with him, so he isn’t saying someone that someone thinks may have signs of mental illness’s

How many times has he changed his name? Once.

Why would you think he would change it again? He picked his name. He changed it. Job done.

Again, just making things up, is a sign of mental illness.

My uncle was one name to his family and another to his wife and friends. Something like Dick/Rich, BC Richard or Bob/Rob BC Robert.

And would you say that if a woman was married 3/4 times and changed her name each time?

nobody ever sees that as strange or a red flag about tbrkr mental health

He changed it twice. He went by his middle name for a while and then changed it to the name he actually wanted to as his middle name didn't suit him either he said.

Surname is a bit different to a first name though

Of course it's not unreasonable. My mum and my FIL both used their middle names.

He has one name. He changed it.

Why would that bother you?

His middle name IS his name 🙄

Given how hard you are judging him you shouldn’t just end it tbh

I am a lawyer so I sometimes certify copies of people’s ID docs for work purposes. This is not unusual. I was sworn to secrecy by one or two people who actually hated their first name so much they didn’t want their colleagues to know.

After all Paddy Ashdown wasn’t Patrick and Bear Grylls isn’t a bear.

Wouldn't bother me at all.

One of my closest friends changed her name. Her first name could be considered a nickname and isn't a million miles from her original name but she chose a new surname when she got divorced - doesn't get on well with her family so just chose a new one that wasn't her family name or her ex husband's name. It's not weird or a red flag.

Lots of people change their names. I know someone who is known formally by his name on his birth certificate. In fact, it's actually a shortened version, his friends gave him a nickname which stuck with him throughout life, and his family called him a completely different nick name which a family member used and stuck.
For example, if his name was William, he's known as Will at work, Bertie by all his school friends and he introduce himself as Freddie.
He's a completely nice guy and no red flags.

Doesn't mean in your situation there isn't. Are your instincts telling you something?

Blimey. You’re still looking for justification that the name thing is some sort of indication. Now it could be mental illness!

do the guy a favour and break it off

Just in the process of changing my name , as I don't like my surname. Nothing weird about it , I don't think !

Haha-I get called 2 different things - was always called my middle name by family & never liked it so started going by my official first name. Some people think that's weird. I can't see how it matters

Exactly. Agree here. If this is the one thing you’re judging him on imagine if there are more serious things which crop up. Break it off.

Why is 'normal' something to aspire to though? Is your paramount goal in a date 'normal'? What about all the 'exceptional' people? Shame to rule those out, isn't it? People are allowed to be unusual, and you're allowed not to like it. You not liking it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them, though. Changing your name a few times isn't a mental illness, or recognised symptom of anything.

People can constantly change their names if they want to. Why do you get to judge their sanity based upon that? You're not the final arbiter. If you don't like it, you stay away from it. But you deciding that someone has a mental illness doesn't mean they have a mental illness. It could equally mean that you do!

I know someone who was named John after his father, but called Jackie to avoid getting father and son mixed up.

His friends, workmates and wife all call him John but his family still call him Jackie, because they still want to avoid mixing him up with his father. (Older cousins were already Jack and Johnny, so Jackie was all that was left)

He doesn't like Jackie, because it's usually short for Jacqueline, but it's okay in a family context when everyone knows who he is.

Perfectly normal, I think, for family to use a different name to everyone else.

she chose a new surname when she got divorced - doesn't get on well with her family so just chose a new one that wasn't her family name or her ex husband's name. It's not weird or a red flag.

But this is exactly what I mean when I say I would wonder what was going on with them. People don't usually change name for no reason - in this case the reason was such a poor relationship with her own family that she preferred to take a random name than go back to her original name. There could be excellent reasons for that, but in a new partner (as in the OP's case) it is something I would want further information about.

One of my dad's brothers was called Jackie (or possibly Jacky - he died before I was born so I only ever heard the name spoken). They were Leslie, Danny & Jackie so could have all passed as female names 😀

I went out with a guy when I was 18 and he had an old man's name (at the time). He was known by his middle name at work and when his work colleagues met me they had no idea