Is this weird or a turn off for anyone?

[S99]

Hi, I'm dating a man but he has two names? His family call him his birth name but he told me he always hated his birth name so changed his name to a name he preferred a few years ago. Do you think this is weird or should I be more understanding?

Very common in my culture. I have a lot of family members I was shocked to find out their birth names when I was sending out wedding invites.

Not weird.

I know:

• 2 people.(at least) who have officially changed their first names as they hated the name given to them by their parents.

• Probably 10 people over the years who have gone by a middle name, either because they don't like it, it's the name they were always known by or, in the case of one, because there were lots of people in her small team at work who had the same name, so she chose to go by another for ease, then stuck to it elsewhere.

• Multiple people where I live (myself included) who go by two versions of their name, depending what language people know them in (and dp uses a third variant for me just because).

This

The OP needs to be honest about herself that she’s looking for reasons to end things

Unrealistically 'insightful', given that we know barely anything about the situation or relationship.

Having two names (or more) is not unusual - loads of people are known by middle names, nicknames, etc by parents, friends or colleagues.

But very few people change their own name to a totally new name as an adult, and that would make me wonder what was going on with them. Unless their name was Adolf or Candida or Dogface, in which case I would think "good move".

Not everything in life that isn’t straight up rainbows and unicorns is a bloody “red flag” fgs. Have a day off. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I changed my name at 14 as the name my parents gave me (both drug addicts and my mother said herself before she died she was high when she picked it) was ridiculous.

There are a handful of relatives that I’m very low contact with that still use my original name.

four friends I’ve had since primary school also call me a completely different name. They knew I hated my name so one day in the playground we held a vote for a new name 😂

https://www.ukdeedpolloffice.org/why-do-people-change-their-name/#:~:text=People%20change%20their%20names%20for,the%20name%20they%20were%20given

@TheYearOfSmallThings

85000 in 2015, and rising, apparently. It's not common, but it's far from weird or unusual.

This is what made me think a bit. I know people usually go by their middle name if they don't like their birth name but changing your name to something completely different seems like a really big decision to make in someone's life and sounds stressful too

My grandma was registered 'Elizabeth James' (her 'real' name if you like) - she didn't have a middle name and was known as 'Betty' by her family, which she hated! They all refused to call her Elizabeth, so when she married my grandad (when she was 18)she formally changed her name to Hope. Nothing weird about a name change in situations like this, where you have a name you really don't like, for whatever reason.

An old school friend of mine changed his name from a name that was/is slang for penis...his parents clearly didn't know this slang term, and were very upset when he changed it, but the lad has been mercilessly teased about his name for years!

seems like a really big decision to make in someone's life and sounds stressful too

You fill in a form and send it off with £34, then get a certificate, which you send to relevant authorities. Even this, most official route, is surprisingly simple and stress free.

NO!

My ex decided about 15 years ago (long after we split) that as he'd never liked his first name, he was going to use a variant on his second name.

I cannot see why you'd think it weird, just because it's not something that would occur to you.

What a complete non issue to get so vexed about

It’s a form.

It’s far less stressful than dealing with a name you detest every single day of your life.

I really don't want to see this name thing as an issue but he did tell me he went by his middle name for a couple years before he decided to change his name to the name he preferred. I guess I'm just worried down the line if he changed his name again? He said he's happy now with the name he chose so this probably wouldn't happen. He did say it gets awkward sometimes with people he meets who knew him as a different name in the past (work colleagues and women he dated).

This is such a surreal thread! I can’t believe that anyone would think that changing your name, because you don’t like your name, is a red flag. What could possibly be wrong with changing your name because you dislike the one you have? It happens all the time. I’ve known a few people who’ve done it.

And of course, plenty of women very happily change their surnames when they get married, even though they don’t have to.

It would only be weird if he’d changed his name to something ridiculous like Darth Vader or Thor or similar. That would be questionable behaviour.

I actually think adults changing their names is going to get more common in future. If the Baby Names forum on here is anything to go by, there’ll be plenty of kids with crazy names like Hepatitis and FloobleWooble who change them when they turn 18!

I guess I'm just worried down the line if he changed his name again

Why would this be concerning for you?

Why are you “worried” if he changed his name again?

I find it highly amusing that someone would think changing my name from something stupid (Starlight) is some sort of red flag.

Talk about judgmental assumptions.

The only thing that's weird is that you think it's weird. Why should he put up with a name he dislikes for the rest of his life?

You can't really constantly change your name in life. It would be very confusing to people and a sign of mental illness in my opinion. I can understand someone changing their name once or twice to figure out what name they feel comfortable with, but if someone constantly changed it then that wouldn't be normal

That's understandable

A fair point. I guess it sucks when someone isn't comfortable with their name

Urgh. This is so tiresome. He hasn’t constantly changed it. He’s changed it once. But if you would like to invent a problem to worry about and break up with him over then by all means stress away.

Jesus Mumsnet is hard work sometimes.