Is this weird or a turn off for anyone?

[S99]

Hi, I'm dating a man but he has two names? His family call him his birth name but he told me he always hated his birth name so changed his name to a name he preferred a few years ago. Do you think this is weird or should I be more understanding?

there's something a bit overly self important about it

Would you say the same about someone who liked to be called, say 'Jackie' rather than 'Jacqueline', or 'Dave' rather than 'David'?

Lots of people... most people, in fact, don't like it if someone misnames them or mispronounces their name. We each get to choose. Saying it's self important is like saying that choosing your own clothes is self important. It is. But we're supposed to treat ourselves as important, aren't we? Self important isn't a bad thing unless it's imposing discomfort on someone else.

I work in a GP surgery and alot of older patients have a preferred first name we use which is completely different to their birth name.

Perfectly reasonable. Why go through life disliking your name when you can legally change it?

Yes, but they refuse to use it he said, he was warning me about it

Lol, of all the things that could be a turn off, you pick a name change??
This place

My brother uses 2 names. His birth name with family and his chosen name with everyone else.

So he has been open about it. Told you why and you think it’s a red flag?

Why? He is a grown man and made a decision for himself. It’s not like he has hidden it.

Yiu know both his names so not like he is hiding a deep dark past. If you don’t want to see him anymore. Just don’t.

I would be concerned he’s changed it due to being involved in something criminally.

🤪

You not understanding that is the only 🚩 here.

Those are diminutives, that's totally different.

I would imagine changing your name for no reason would impose discomfort upon your parents!

I changed my name because my family were awful and my name sounded really offensive and ugly to me because it had been used aggressively/disparagingly so often even though it was an objectively nice name. It just gave me the ick seeing it written or hearing it spoken. Not a serial killer or anything just wanted a new name that I felt happy hearing people say.

I have a friend whose birth name is John Anthony Surname. His father, brother and cousins call him Anthony. His wife calls him John. All his colleagues call him Tony, but clients call him John, presumably because that’s how he introduces himself to them. And his old school friends call him by an unrelated nickname.

It’s not wildly unusual OR sinister. I can only assume you’re not really into this guy you’re seeing and looking for turn off material.

I know someone who is called by his middle name as he doesn't like first name

Not weird at all

My husband does this.

let’s pretend his name is John Michael Smith

his culture meant his first name was after his dads, John. However he has always been called his middle name, Michael, by his parents, froends, work etc. It threw me a little when we first started dating but I’ve met quite a few people since who do similar. As long as there’s a clear reason o don’t see it as a red flag 🤷‍♀️

But is taking her to see his family who use this mysterious name associated with criminality.

and has told her himself.

😂 Thats plausible

My son was named after a grandparent but the grandparent used a common alternative for his given name.
DS was always told that he could do that if he wanted and chose to do so shortly after starting secondary school.
He didn't ask family to do the same until he changed it officially when at university (so his degree certificate had his chosen name). He kept his original name as a second middle name.
He understood that it would take a while for particularly older relatives to get to grips with this change but over time most have managed, However, when you've called someone something for two thirds of their life it's still quite easy to slip up. DH slips up regularly. His brother and I sometimes use the two names joined together which is something his brother started when he changed it at school. It's a term of endearment - no slight intended and he sees it as such.

There are loads of responses saying it’s fine and I think only 2 saying it’s a red flag.

you chose to respond only to those 2

look, if you want to break up the do it, you don’t need permission or to latch on to something normal and make out it’s weird

I went to school with a Wayne who decided to be called by his middle name instead.

Why would it bother you? Genuinely dont understand

was his surname Kerr? I don’t blame him if it was.

Like every man in my family I was called ‘Steven’ I disliked it as a name, I disliked that even in my own family I didn’t have my own name. I changed my name legally when I turned 18. I am in touch with one person from my birth family, she sometimes calls me by my original name (especially when shes pissed off with me), its fine, and its fairly common for people to stick with the first name they knew someone by.

My grandmother changed her name from Winifred to Victoria as she thought it was classier. This was about 100 years ago... Loads of people had no idea she wasn't a Victoria, including at her funeral.