Is this weird or a turn off for anyone?

[S99]

Hi, I'm dating a man but he has two names? His family call him his birth name but he told me he always hated his birth name so changed his name to a name he preferred a few years ago. Do you think this is weird or should I be more understanding?

It’s very common.
Lots if people change their name for many reasons.
I know people who are estranged from their family and changed their names to distance themselves from their family.
I know of people who were given the exact same name as a family member and tbf the name has jut aged well- they gave changed their name.
I know if lots of people who were given their father’s name and big their mothers. They feel like the odd one out as mum and dad split so revert to a new name.

I used to book travel for international conferences. A huge number of my colleagues had very different names on their passports to the ones they used in daily life.

Friend of DM used 3 different names- family and school friends called him by his first name (which was an awful name but was his DGF’s name), when he went to uni he used his first middle name (not quite so bad but still a slightly unusual family name) so uni friends called him that however he still didn’t feel it was right so since then has used his second middle name. Apparently his wedding was interesting as he had friends there from all periods of his life.

Thats a slightly extreme case but know a few people who have switched to using their middle name for a variety of reasons. My exSIL uses a shortened version of her name (think Vicky/Becky type name) but family all call her by her full name as MIL hated the shortened version and wanted her to be known as her full name.

I think you're the red flag here. Poor sod, he just changed a name he didn't like and you're here trying to read something sinister or weird into it. Just let the poor man get on with his life, and you move onto someone else.

@Jacfrost

You're calling a lot of people self-important, who show no signs of excessive self importance in any other realm of life. You're calling something 'weird' when many, many perfectly ordinary people do it. It's not even a little bit unusual.

The fact is, we are all allowed to choose our own name, if we don't like the one we're given, and it doesn't say anything about our personality except that we are capable of making a decision for ourselves.

He doesn't like his name so he changed it. So what?

I am one of the few in our family who go by their original name. About 75% use diminutives and the rest have completely different names that are totally unrelated. Even my grandmother is called Barley (God knows why, her name is Gwen) by her own children (rather than 'Mum')

There are red flags a-plenty in our family but nothing to do with names.

No I actually like the person, it just threw me a bit and wanted to see if this was more common than I thought

😂😂😂

I guess when you put it like that it sounds pretty straightforward haha

Blimey get a grip! What a stupid thing to worry about. And to call it a red flag is ridiculous.

OP stop trying to look for a reason to say you've gone off him. You don't need a reason.

I know someone who changed his entire name. I actually helped him choose it too. It was quite strange, he'd had bad luck with almost everything in life and was at his wits ends in knowing what to do about it. He changed his name to something entirely new and moved to another country where everything is going swimmingly well for him.

Why on earth would that be a red flag? It's not like he's moved away and changed his identity.

It’s fine. My parents gave me a Hebrew name and an English name (supposedly to make life easier for me but they just never used any of mine or my siblings English names so a bit useless really). Until I met my ex husband no one had ever really used my English name but he preferred it and that’s how he introduced me to people (in hindsight this would have been the red flag) when we divorced I stopped using it but we were together so long some family members started using it and are struggling to switch back. Just to complicate things further some friends and family members use shortened or diminutive versions of each name so depending on who I’m talking to I could get about six different variations. It’s a pain explaining it to people but as far as I know I don’t think anyone’s ever thought of it as a red flag.

And what’s your conclusion now?

Unless he’s wanted by the police and / or has passports etc in multiple identities this is just a non-event.

No one thinks so - they’re either batshit or taking the piss.
Why on earth would someone using an alternate name be an issue?

The only red flag here is the OP questioning it! If I was the man I’d wonder what other perfectly ordinary things would be questioned

Originally I thought it might be a sign of low self confidence but coming on here it seems like it is not that unusual and maybe I should be more open minded

Jeez you're picky 😶

It's good to be picky. It saves wasting time on stuff that's not quite right.

YABU. I go by 2 names, my actual name which most of the family and people like the GP call me, and my nickname (my actual name can't be shortened) which my friends, customers, local folk know me as. The kids school obviously know my full name and I use that officially in emails but in conversation they use my nickname

There's a lot of crossover, my brother calls me by my nickname, my parents generally dont but my mum will when talking to my niece 'go to auntie nickname' etc

I don't think it's odd, must be quite common surely?

No I don’t see an issue with this

The OP needs to be honest about herself that she’s looking for reasons to end things, though, rather than trying to hang whatever is actually going on for her on such a ridiculously flimsy hook.

Otherwise it’s like viewing a house for the second time and telling yourself you’re withdrawing your original offer because you don’t like the colour of the front door, when in fact there are huge cracks in the walls.