I trashed the house

[kate1996]

I completely lost it. Mum of 3 two of them are under 2 (10 weeks and 18 months) they kept me up until gone midnight last night and I'm exhausted. Dh was asleep in bed having a lay in when I completely lost it, we don't have a tumble dryer and the washing has gotten too much I've been spending hours and hours everyday making sure everyone else has clean clothes and I have nothing, well I have to be out the house in less than an hour with the baby so I'm trying to get myself ready whilst baby is screaming and the house needs tidying too because we have guests coming and when I realised that I don't even have clean clothes it all got on top of me and I told everyone that I quit, took all the clean folded washing and threw it all all over the living room floor, told my teen and my Dh to just fuck off because I'm sick of carrying this load. Am I crazy? Did I over react? I'm still mad tbh and feel like I could smash the whole house up. I'm never angry like this and I've never had this kind of outburst before. I just feel drained. All Xmas shopping was down to me, Dh didn't even pick one present or put his thoughts into anything.

Could hormones be adding to the way it came out? Sorry OP
Sounds like too much is on your plate and dh and teen need to step up amd help. Hope they do. If thy don't make them x

yes yabu.

You told your teen to fuck off because your husband doesn’t pull his weight?

Look, you didn’t trash the house. You need to find a better way to deal with the anger. Christmas isn’t worth this amount of stress on you.

and no relationship is worth you feeling like this.

But while your anger and upset might be reasonable. Your reaction isn’t.

Nope, carrying the mental load is really overwhelming. Get dh to get off his lazy arse and pull his finger out!!

I have felt similar OP, and it’s awful. There’s so much invisible stuff we do. I felt similar this morning as I stayed up late last night cleaning and tidying, came down this morning and DH was playing a game of fucking football with DS and toys everywhere - just nearly cried.

It isn’t Christmas though @Lifeasiknowitisout , unless people only need clean clothes on December 25. It’s two people playing water sports while you drown in front of them and they laugh and wave.

Hand everything over to your Dh, apologise to your teen (unless they’re a child who does nothing but is capable of doing more). Look after yourself and the baby.

Now dc knows you are a human being.. And dh knows he needs to pull his fucking socks up. Stop doing anything for dh. He can adult from now on. Encourage ds to be a bit more self sufficient.. Apologise obviously but tell him grown ups get tired and upset same as dc. Getting yourself out of the house is good.. Who is visiting? If it's dh's family they can take you as they find you and tell them dh didn't tidy up.

You didn't trash the house, how old is your teen.

2under 2 including a 10 week old baby is massive.
There is being far too much pressure on you.
The teen should be helping a little and dh absolutely should not be having a lay in. He should be pitching in.
How did you end up hosting? In any case - tell dh the Christmas fairy is on strike and introduce him to the kitchen.

you need a rest while you plot how to get a tumble dryer.
Unmumsentty hugs - 2 under 2 was not the happiest time of my life. It was relentless. It’s gets better and you are doing a good job. Some strewn laundry isn’t the end of the world.

🙄

I know it’s not just Christmas. But if it wasn’t Christmas Op is unlikely to have snapped. Are we going to present that a lot of what she has listed is Christmas specific? Or that the pressure of Christmas isn’t adding to it.

You have taken what I said out of context. Christmas isn’t worth this stress and a relationship with someone who makes you feel like this isn’t worth it.

Oddly, both things can be true. The relationship can be shit and unsupportive for Op. and Christmas can also not be worth getting to this point for.

The dh is useless. But Christmas has also added to the stress the Op is feeling. That doesn’t mean he isn’t also useless.

In the long run it’s not a great way to deal with your anger, but it seems understandable and none of us get it right all the time. Your husband needs to pull his finger out, of course.

@Lifeasiknowitisout I honestly don’t wish to be argumentative but the only Christmas thing I can see is the Christmas shopping. Cleaning, cooking, laundry and childcare are 365 days a year things.

I really am not having a go but I see this so much about taking the stress out of Christmas and half the time the stress is life rather than Christmas!

I had 2 under 2 and got so weighed down I threw plates and glasses (not with the DC in the room). Turned out I had PND. I'm not saying you do OP as it sounds like you're not getting much help from your DH but it might be worth talking to someone before anything worse happens.

Why are you hosting when you have a 10 week old? You could just have Christmas Day for your family unit

Why have you done everything?

Aw don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't actually trash the house, just mixed some clothes up vigorously.

Honestly, I couldn’t care less if you are having a go or not.

I very much doubt op would having people round and going this morning if it wasn’t Christmas. Op wouldn’t under so much pressure to clear the laundry if her husband wasn’t a dick and it wasn’t Christmas.

Op wouldn’t be feeling quite so overwhelmed if it wasn’t also Christmas. She would have spent ages getting presents and trying to make things extra special.

I don’t understand your need to pretend that Christmas isn’t contributing to this issue. I have kids. I am also a single parent. I am fully aware that these things need doing everyday.

But the pressure of Christmas still heightens everything. Yes half the pressure is every day life. Which is why I pointed out she should leave her dh if he continues to be so useless, she shouldn’t put up with it all year round. The other half….is Christmas stress and it’s not worth it. So you agree with me?

Why is your DH in bed? Get his arse up and ask him to help.
You definitely shouldn't have sworn at your teen, she's as much of a child as your little ones and she didn't ask for you to have two close together. I know it's hard work but don't take it out on her.
Can you get a second hand tumble dryer or heated airer? It will help you massively.

OK @Lifeasiknowitisout - ‘Christmas isn’t worth this amount of stress on you’ but the tipping point was no clean clothes to wear. I disagree Christmas is the source of the stress and the problems. It’s the DH.

Not your teens fault that you decided to have another child so close together or that you’ve decided to host for Christmas.
When you and your husband decided to have another child did you discuss how you would share the load?
Whatever the situation, between the two of you, you have decided to have three children and you need to care and provide for them accordingly.

Your husband is an adult. He can do things for himself. Dont take on his mental load. No shopping for his family. No even thinking about it. That’s all him.

took all the clean folded washing and threw it all all over the living room floor
what was thr point of this? You created extra work. This doesnt get clothes washed.

told my teen and my Dh to just fuck off because I'm sick of carrying this load.
this was awful. Your dd didnt deserve that. Your dh needs telling to get his arse in gear and be a useful member of the household.

do you work?

And I said it’s Both.

It’s you that has the issue of acknowledging that Christmas is causing the Op a load of problems and isn’t worth it. made worse by a useless dh.

There can be more than one cause to a problem.

Or rather my opinion that’s it’s both

Not many people are back at work ten weeks post partum. Life - I really disagree it was both but we can agree to disagree. Only the OP knows if Christmas is the stress or her DH..

How old is the teen? I don’t think it’s ok to tell them to fuck off,you and your husband decided to have two kids close together, you need to use your words to speak to your husband to ensure you both share the load.

I think you need to apologise to your older child. They don’t deserved to be attacked that way.

It's okay OP it's not the end of the world, picking up the clean clothes will only take 5 minutes when you're feeling better, you just snapped and you'll probably feel better in a few hours if you put your feet up and forget about everything that isn't super important.
If the house is a shithole when guests come over and they have a problem with it they're shitty guests anyway, you have two small children and it's Christmas, you can't do everything perfectly.