I trashed the house

[kate1996]

I completely lost it. Mum of 3 two of them are under 2 (10 weeks and 18 months) they kept me up until gone midnight last night and I'm exhausted. Dh was asleep in bed having a lay in when I completely lost it, we don't have a tumble dryer and the washing has gotten too much I've been spending hours and hours everyday making sure everyone else has clean clothes and I have nothing, well I have to be out the house in less than an hour with the baby so I'm trying to get myself ready whilst baby is screaming and the house needs tidying too because we have guests coming and when I realised that I don't even have clean clothes it all got on top of me and I told everyone that I quit, took all the clean folded washing and threw it all all over the living room floor, told my teen and my Dh to just fuck off because I'm sick of carrying this load. Am I crazy? Did I over react? I'm still mad tbh and feel like I could smash the whole house up. I'm never angry like this and I've never had this kind of outburst before. I just feel drained. All Xmas shopping was down to me, Dh didn't even pick one present or put his thoughts into anything.

You have a H problem (I refuse to say DH because he's not a DH if he's having a lie-in while you are running ragged with a newborn and a toddler). Apologise to your teen for telling teen to F off. What guests do you have coming over? Are they your family or his? Can you cancel? If his family, go out. Let him deal with the untidy house and guests. Can you buy a tumble dryer? If no space, can you buy a washer / dryer combo and get rid of the washing machine?

This kind of issue isn't an either/or one - it's far more complicated and thus aibu/ainbu isn't very helpful.

The very first post blames hormones 😂

This place is a joke.

OP, take your babies to your parents house and leave DH and teen to fend for themselves and entertain the guests.

I bet the guests are your DH’s family.

I think maybe read the op again, there is presents, food, tidying, and hosting tonight.

If the teen is as lazy as their dad then they need a few home truth too.

They need to see their mum isn’t a robot.

The issue isn’t Christmas, the issue is a man and a teen who do fuck all and expect OP to skivvy for them.

That is a 365 days a year problem, not a Christmas problem.

Get that lump up and out of his bed. Have a quick family meeting. Delegate the tidying up - no questions asked.

leave the children with your DJ
go into town or your local shops and buy yourself an outfit new pants and all.

cancel the guests if you can or they can take you as they find you.

What’s work got to do with anything? Of course we will have agree to disagree.

i wasn’t the one that decided they wanted to get a debate about it

we all lose it sometimes - there is a LOT on your plate

No ones getting into a debate about it. We see it differently.

Whats work got to do with it

Another poster asked the OP if she worked.

"do you work?" why on Earth are you asking this @SusanKennedyshouldLTB ?????

Has he always been lazy or is this New? If he's always been lazy this should've been taken into consideration before expanding your family. It's not fair on you. you'll end up having a breakdown unless he pulls his weight. It's not your teenagers fault it is your husbands

op sit down with a cuppa right now.
do a list of exactly what needs done and what can be left
do you have grandparents nearby? if so drop the kids off there for a few hours
apologise to your eldest, its not their fault
get dh up n off doing jobs
you need to calm down and have a rest
cancel the hosting its too much

Throwing clothes on the floor isn't trashing the house!

You're overwhelmed and you snapped. You need more support from your DH.

Well, no, you know as well because OP has told you.

She clearly says I told my teen and my Dh to just fuck off because I'm sick of carrying this load.

So DH is the stress, as is her teen. If they’re both lazy twats then it’s both their fault as well.

She's got a 10 week old baby. What has her having a job got to do with anything?

You need your call your GP on Wednesday and get assessed for PND.

Meanwhile DH needs to step up big style and do the cleaning and hosting.

You need to go for a walk/have a long bath - without children.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MLuTuLXOCkk

This is Eve Rodesky talking about her FairPlay book and documentary. It’s very American but the themes of mothers being the default for all things domestic and the mental load carried speaks to your situation. Listening to her book and going through the cards together has been a game changer for us.

DH works very part time and now does 70-80% of the mental load and domestic/childcare stuff. It was a long battle and started with me being where you are now. On my knees. Crying at the end of my paid work week, to be greeted by hours worth of unseen, invisible and unpaid work.

The main idea is that you should both have equal amounts of time off, regardless of who is going more hours of paid work.

Once you have the energy, look up the terms ‘mental load’ and ‘emotional labour’ - I found they helped me to understand, validate and verbalise why I was so utterly exhausted in the face of DH asking my why I was so exhausted when I’d had ‘two days off’. No days off - just unpaid and invisible work.

For now, tell your DH you are on your last legs, leave the kids with him and go for a walk (or nip and get some new clothes!).

Good luck. 💐

@everhopefulagain
Has she got an escape route if things never get better.

You are doing far too much with a 10 week old baby and your husband and teen sound useless and uncaring.

You are unreasonable to be swearing at them and creating more work for yourself though, as it sounds like you will be the one cleaning it up again.

Why are you hosting Christmas? That’s too much work for you at this stage.

Does your teen have any responsibilities? Teenagers can help with chores. My daughter and I live together and I reminded her this week it’s both our home, so both our responsibility to keep in order. I wash, she folds her clothes. If she doesn’t get to the wash basket, they don’t get washed. She changes her bed. She vacuums, etc. Teens do well having something other than sleeping until ungodly hours.

As for your husband - You should probably throw out the whole man. What a useless twat. How can he watch you do so much so soon after birthing his baby? I have no advice for what you do with him, except stop doing anything for him.

And cancel Christmas. They don’t sound deserving of your effort. And you must take better care of yourself, even if that means a dead stop.

Agree- children are a LOT of work two young children so close together with a lazy husband is crazy if one wants a peaceful life.

I literally can't think of anything MORE likely to increase my stress than going shopping on Christmas Eve!

An update... I apologised to my teen she got upset because she said "I've never seen you like that" she's started to clean her bedroom. I told her it's not her fault and that just like how she gets angry with her homework and takes a strop, I got angry with my housework and took a strop but shouldn't have taken it out on her, dh has started picking up the clothes and folding them and has apologised for being a... In his own words "lazy prick" now I feel terrible. For the commenter who asked if I work, I'm a full time career for my dad aswell so the stress of him being unwell over Xmas has also taken its toll. I just need to take a breather. Thanks for all the positive comments. X

There is a dad at home. Why grandparents?

You didn’t trash the house, you pushed a pile of laundry over and in all honesty who hasn’t when they’ve reached the end of their tether?! I’d push my laundry over if it wouldn’t cause an avalanche.

You sound like you’re dealing with far too much alone. Time for your DH to pull his finger out, and maybe after Christmas it’s time for a long chat about division of labour and how you’re not his mother