I trashed the house

[kate1996]

I completely lost it. Mum of 3 two of them are under 2 (10 weeks and 18 months) they kept me up until gone midnight last night and I'm exhausted. Dh was asleep in bed having a lay in when I completely lost it, we don't have a tumble dryer and the washing has gotten too much I've been spending hours and hours everyday making sure everyone else has clean clothes and I have nothing, well I have to be out the house in less than an hour with the baby so I'm trying to get myself ready whilst baby is screaming and the house needs tidying too because we have guests coming and when I realised that I don't even have clean clothes it all got on top of me and I told everyone that I quit, took all the clean folded washing and threw it all all over the living room floor, told my teen and my Dh to just fuck off because I'm sick of carrying this load. Am I crazy? Did I over react? I'm still mad tbh and feel like I could smash the whole house up. I'm never angry like this and I've never had this kind of outburst before. I just feel drained. All Xmas shopping was down to me, Dh didn't even pick one present or put his thoughts into anything.

And not just this.

it is not a females job to clean. Saying the 13 year old girl should do more housework before the father should lift a finger is sexism. She should clean her room, of course. But housework? No the lazy git father needs to be doing far, far more.

You’re honestly good OP don’t worry & stop being so hard on yourself. Even now in 2023 us women have sooo much pressure on us to do everything for everyone and it’s not fair. You’re human no wonder you burst! Im stressed with one child here never mind your two really young ones- a teen- and a lazy bastard husband!!!

Men need to pull their fucking weight I’m sick of them thinking going to work is enough!!! They -men generally-do hardly anything unless asked & then you’re a “nag” 🙄

OP concentrate on yourself & baby and get DH to do the rest & pull his fucking finger out!! Don’t worry about house not being tidy either your guests know your situation! As a guest I actually am pleased when I go to an untidy house as it makes me feel less guilty about mine & makes the host seem more human!!
Just make sure you look after self & baba & have a lovely Christmas x.

Don't feel terrible for losing it. Your teenager and DH won't be permanently scarred and it's made them both realise how much strain you're under. Try to get help sooner in future - pass some responsibilities over to DH completely.

I had DC2 when DC1 was 19 months old and remember very little of those early months. Neither child was particularly difficult but I broke down weeping in front of a Health Visitor once, oddly enough I felt much better as soon as I did.

But the teenager can tidy her room and DH can clean the house instead of only getting off their arses only when OP breaks down.

Just because there are 2 babies in the house doesn’t prevent from teen and DH doing their share of chores.

Don’t feel terrible. Seriously. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your DH has neglected you for long enough, it’s a form of abuse. No wonder you lost it.

Where has anyone said the 13yo should do more housework before the father lifts a finger?

OP wanted the teen to clean her room and for DH to help with housework.

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas, OP. We all lose it from time to time, and it sounds like you have a lot on. x

Happy to read you update & that DH has bucked up & you put things right with teen. Have a lovely Christmas & please look after yourself you have an awful lot on your plate as it is x

Sounds as if it was needed to shock them out of their complacency in letting you carry the load. You’ve apologised, now let them pull their weight and gp have a lovely Xmas.

This might go down in family folklore if it was a one off “Remember the year mum lost it and we realised we had to pull our weight”

Keep them contributing in future now.

Get yourself to bed for a kip and let DH take over for the day. You sound in dire need of a proper rest.

Have a peaceful Christmas, @kate1996 , as best you can.

I’d go on strike. Make yourself a sandwich and leave them to do it all. YANBU

Teens need to take responsibility too. It's sad that things got to that point, you aren't wrong at all. I do hope they took it to heart and start managing some of the load. My DD was 12 when my now-18mo DD was born. My elder is ASD/ADHD as well. She has been like a second mother in the home, watching out for me and her sister, asking if I need anything, does chores when I ask, and even my 18mo has learned to pick up after herself. She'll walk around the house and find anything that should be in the garbage and throws it away herself. If my special needs DD and toddler can do this I know a grown man can do even better. He may not care to but he can. By now a teen should too without being asked, depending how you raised them. You're not crazy!

Do not feel sorry. Yes it probably wasn't the best choice of words or way to deal with it, but the issue remains.

Going forward you need to sort out an equitable share with your husband (and also children) and stick to it.

I do zero life admin for my husband. No family presents, cards, thank yous, reminders, his car is his to deal with as are his appointments. I don't provide him with information he can't find out himself nor do I arrange things with the inlaws. Harsh but honestly so worth it. You do have to sit with the uncomfortableness of it though, but you have to ride it out (I'm a people pleaser so I found this very hard at the start). My inlaws probably think I'm a bit of a bitch but they did everything for my husband and as such he never learnt to do these things himself. If they didn't train him on things they find important, then that's their issue.

Plus if you can afford it, buy things to make your life easier. We have a washer dryer and heated airer. When I find clothes that fit nice, I buy 2 (or 3) of the same so I always have clean/dry work trousers etc.

Oh OP YANBU at all

It sounds like your husband and teen have been taking you for granted, not helping out at all and letting you run ragged...and with christmas piling up as well you finally snapped.

Now pick yourself up, dust yourself up and make a new years resolution that you won't let them laze about anymore. Teen does chores, DH does chores and childcare, spread the load of taking care of the house evenly.

Do not feel terrible. DH should be doing half the house work, he lives there too and yes I think he's right he was being a lazy prick.

The DD too. What does choosing how many children you had, have to do with anything? She isn't expected to look after her sibling or do loads of house work, she's expected to pick up after herself, clean her OWN room and contribute some light chores to the home she lives in. I'd expect that of a 10 year old, never mind a teen, whether I'd had another baby or not. You're really not asking a lot of her.

Oh my…at what point did I say “SHE” - you can be a plural and refers to the collective family. If no one enjoys or want to clean, outsource it! This is nothing to do with gender roles.

OP the best purchase I got was a heated drier . 9p and hour to run also keeps the room warm .
If you can’t afford it get last arse to do some over time !

Ypu have so much on your plate befroe the xtra stress of Xmas .
You need to apologise to your teen but also talk
yo them about helping out.

Saying all the above you still have a husband problem . He needs to change and pull his weight ASAP .

Oh OP, it sounds like you've reached absolute burn out :(
Obviously trashing the house and telling your family to fuck off isn't ideal.... but neither is getting to that stage.
I hope your family can see how mentally exhausted you are and provide som help.
Take a breath.

Urgh, I remember very well have 2 under 2 and a lazy teen and now lazy ex. It's hard work, don't be hard on yourself

It’s easy to judge but OP I have felt like this before! Especially postpartum!! (Definitely look up postpartum rage because it could be hormone fueled too so be kind to yourself).

I wouldn’t take out the rage on your teen as isn’t their fault, but DH is absolutely being a cheeky fuck and I also wouldn’t stand for it!! I go mental if my husband lays in after he knows I’ve been up with the kids all night.

Hopefully today will be better for you and do not feel you need to host guests or make your house look like a show home for them!

Sometimes a reaction like that is what's needed to open their eyes. You can cajole, plead, cry...and they assume that when you've said your piece it'll just go back to how it was and you'll still do it all.

Aw OP you just sound like a very tired exhausted mum who has been at her tipping point for a long time and not been able to hold everything for a moment longer. It happens and please ignore any judgy folk on here who want you to feel even more guilty than you already do.
Your teen is allowed to see that sometimes mums lose control as long as you then show him how to regain that control and how to reconcile properly. You are doing way more than is reasonable around the house and with 2 very young ones your husband really should be doing a fair amount of the load. Sending you the biggest cuddle OP, huge big cuddle.

You have a DH problem. You’ve been pushed beyond your limits.

Leave him with the kids and house and plans and go somewhere you can either sleep (a friends? Your mum’s? A budget hotel?) or sit in a comfy cafe and have some time to yourself.

OP, sometimes it takes a blow out to get noticed. Ten week old baby , a carer for your dad and add Christmas on top, no wonder you lost it. It worked, ok you upset your teen You’ve apologised to her and DH has finally got his act together
Now tomorrow, get the guests to chip in, your ten weeks post partum remember. Ask for help. You don’t ask you don’t get.

What area are you in ? (I understand if you don’t want to say) but if you are anywhere near me I’d happily help with your washing as I have a dryer till you can get one x