I trashed the house

[kate1996]

I completely lost it. Mum of 3 two of them are under 2 (10 weeks and 18 months) they kept me up until gone midnight last night and I'm exhausted. Dh was asleep in bed having a lay in when I completely lost it, we don't have a tumble dryer and the washing has gotten too much I've been spending hours and hours everyday making sure everyone else has clean clothes and I have nothing, well I have to be out the house in less than an hour with the baby so I'm trying to get myself ready whilst baby is screaming and the house needs tidying too because we have guests coming and when I realised that I don't even have clean clothes it all got on top of me and I told everyone that I quit, took all the clean folded washing and threw it all all over the living room floor, told my teen and my Dh to just fuck off because I'm sick of carrying this load. Am I crazy? Did I over react? I'm still mad tbh and feel like I could smash the whole house up. I'm never angry like this and I've never had this kind of outburst before. I just feel drained. All Xmas shopping was down to me, Dh didn't even pick one present or put his thoughts into anything.

Neither of them are pulling their bloody weight! Teen is 13 at the youngest, what 13 year old is incapable of tidying up, washing up, sticking a load of washing on? Like fuck should she apologise to them! Unless they have severe SEN and a mental age of 2, they should be helping out. My 7 year old is capable of washing up, putting her toys away and hoovering her room. A teen should have no trouble.

i recently bought a dehidifier on line plug in next to washing spread on on clothes airer washing drys a lot quicker very cheap e to run per hour few pence cost i think about £150,drying washing inside in winter is hard,agree your husband needs to step up and help a teenager can also help. you sound worn out, sending a hug xx

When posters say "what about if it was the other way around?" I don't think they are really acknowledging that it is never so rarely the other way around.

Please take advantage of their embarrassment and have a rest

It is not the teenagers fault that her parents decided to have 2 additional children long after the teenager and so close together.

It's not the teenager's responsibility to look after the other 2 children and the house.

It certainly will not have been the teenager's decision that her parents decided to have guests at Christmas.

Oh OP, I feel for you. Until a few years ago I was carer for my late DM and I remember literally crying over the Christmas lunch once as I was so exhausted. And I have a DH who helps (a lot), a DS who never complained that sometimes he had to come last and 'only' had my own little craft business so could work mum around it. Why was I in tears? It was the guilt at not being able to do everything at Christmas with my DS and DH that I wanted to do because I had to fit mum in. Then the guilt at feeling that way about mum. It was feeling I had to do everything because I was a SAHM (or any type of mum I think).

On top of the normal Christmas stuff I was trying to make it perfect to make up for it not being perfect.

But that taught me a lesson. Christmas isn't perfect. It's Christmas. Your house doesn't need to be spotless. No one is going to check that the cupboards are clean and orderly. The washing machine can go on at Christmas.

Give the teenager a list of things to do, even if it's just tidying up after their siblings or helping to get their food ready/feeding them. It's a life skill to get things done and they need to learn it. Stop doing it all.

Give DH a list. Everyone in our house has jobs to do at Christmas (and throughout the year but particularly at Christmas). Like regularly checking clothes are clean and ironed, the house is hoovered, last minute food is bought - and it's not all me now. On top of that DH shops for his family's gifts or they don't get any. I'm not his assistant, I'm his wife and he's capable of ordering from Amazon.

Things had to change and they did. I don't mind 'overseeing' things (as my DH puts it). I know what needs to be done, but they do it. DS puts the tree up and decorates it, helps with cooking, runs up the road for last minute food things. DH does the housework as I now work full time and still keep my little business going on the side and Christmas is insanely busy with orders.

I can't do everything. I've now admitted that to them and myself and if they don't help, it doesn't get done.

Have a chat with the family. Apologise for the throwing and swearing but hold them to their 'new ways'. Christmas is a team effort. You need help with it and they need to step up.

Her reaction is her reaction. Teen undoubtedly causes as much work and does as little as their father. OP is exhausted and at her wits end and you should get off your perfect judgemental high horse.

I call it "Stressmass"

I've noticed more and more women scaling down the christmas work. Would that be an option for you.

This reminds me of when MIL said in the run up when she was giving me her list of demands having announced she was never hosting Christmas again "Christmas is only one meal you know!"
In my case Only one meal for 17.
Husband working on an emergency until 10 pm on Christmas eve and most of the week before.
Two year old teething.
Cleaning, decorating, present shopping, present wrapping,
Christmas food shopping, washing tablecloths, setting tables for 17, finding enough chairs and dishes for 17 in our tiny house. Cooking for 17, Running along the hallway from kitchen to Serve dishes at THE perfect temp for 17 whilst trying to avoid tripping over excited 2 and 4-year-olds.
Ignoring BIL saying "Haven't you even got a, b, c item?" Listening to BIL's complaints about how a Michelin star restaurant would have prepared it,
Whilst without asking FIL and BIL start handing out the presents you bought, paid for, wrapped TO THE WRONG CHILDREN! whilst you are removing dishes. So the one thing you wanted out of Christmas was to see your two under 4s faces as they opened your presents.
Oh yes and after the meal they wanted entertainment - although you'd spent time, money and effort into providing this - none was deemed good enough and was rejected immediately whilst they demanded "what else have you got." - then they asked me to bring it to their house the next day as they hadn't had time to organise the usual competitive game playing!!

Phew! Where's my laundry.. I can't wait to scatter it all over the living room floor and tell everyone to eff off 😂Seriously there should be a law against it. Thank goodness those days are behind me now!

It depends on the guests OP.. If its someone who will help a bit, it will get better. Your DH needs to help more NOW.
Your teen isn't witholding but is following the example set by DH.
They've watched you get pressurised in this situation and done nothing but will say you have exploded.
When you are feeling a bit calmer. Give them both a list of attainable jobs to do and tell them to get moving.
(I'd give your teen a hug first though, as its inexperience on their part. Mine were similar but really pulled through when they realised but it had to be done calmly)
Next time there is a gathering/event. Warn them well in advance what you expect them to do and what will happen if they don't. Formal Xmas dinners are a pain. Next year, Have Christmas Day as a small family unit and do what you want to. If you have to invite - have them after Christmas for informal eats. Less stress all round. Enjoy the whole Santa thing whilst they are young. You won't get that time again. Again. Can't stress this enough, when its calm, give DH a list of what you expect help with. Train the teen, There's loads of Instagram cooking vids. Taught them what I never could. Good Luck xx

Why does SHE need to get a cleaner? There is a DH/dad here that isn’t pulling his weight. It’s THEIR house, THEIR kids, THEIR mess, THEIR clothes etc. We really do need to shift the default that women are responsible for all of this stuff.

I remember my mother having an almighty temper tantrum because her family had abdicated any household responsibility leaving her to carry the load. We deserved the blistering she dished out as in retrospect we were a shower of idle shits.

Readers: we are all alive, kicking and in no way mentally scarred by the experience.

OP: they'll get over it

Seriously? She should apologise to her child for swearing at them? What is wrong with people on here? It’s not the teenagers fault that her mother chose to have babies close together and married a lazy sod.

You have just recently had a baby op. You shouldn’t be dealing with everything and your DH and teen (yes they should also be helping!) need to step up. Yes you lost it and quite spectacularly, but it sounds like you have been pushed to the brink. Time for your family to wake the hell up before you end up having a breakdown.

Sending positive thoughts. Saw your update & am glad you talked with your daughter, may be worth having a proper chat with her later - there are lessons here for her later in life, sadly.

Fwiw - obvs yes you were unreasonable but also it's TOTALLY understandable. Both things can be true at the same time.

Re hubby - he's got to step up. Apologise for the freak-out, that you do love him but things have to change.

Oddly I just this week spoke to eldest son about not leaving his partner to do all the Christmas shopping by herself cos it might be fine at first but she WILL resent it eventually.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas day

This. I've snapped before. Sometimes it gets too much

Or, DH does more? Fine to scale down the stress and work but why the word ‘women’? My DH is doing the lions share this year due to circumstances.

Don't feel terrible! You've apologised, that's enough. Let the pair of them see you're not a bloody robot.

Oh I'm completely with you and have all the feels. But not the babies. Just the teens. Both upstairs on their screens. Me and dh downstairs trying to be Christmassy.
I just want to throw their stockings at them saying 'merry Christmas ya filthy animals'.

Just seen your update OP. Which is really nice. Sounds like they have taken notice and both are making an effort. Hope it all goes well. You were overwhelmed but you've sorted it, so well done.

The teen didn't ask for mum to have 2 siblings under 2! It's not their job to act like a personal assistant to facilitate this choice. Sure I'd expect them to do the basics eg clean up after themselves and put clothes in the laundry basket but otherwise it's on the OP and her husband to parent the other children that they chose to have

Because if DH works and the OP doesn’t, to some extent the OP will need to be doing more housekeeping / parenting.

Not all of it, just more (so I agree there’s a problem) but the working status of them does factor into the equation.

Agree with this 👆

I’m the DH, and I’ve definitely taken a lot more on this year too - it’s not just a thing for women to do 🙂

My comment about work was in regards to a conversation I was having with a poster about wether Christmas was causing the issue or not.

Then they added a bit about most people not being at work 10 weeks pp. I wasn’t saying wether she works or not has nothing to do with the situation.

But wasn’t relevant to the conversation with that poster before that.