I trashed the house

[kate1996]

I completely lost it. Mum of 3 two of them are under 2 (10 weeks and 18 months) they kept me up until gone midnight last night and I'm exhausted. Dh was asleep in bed having a lay in when I completely lost it, we don't have a tumble dryer and the washing has gotten too much I've been spending hours and hours everyday making sure everyone else has clean clothes and I have nothing, well I have to be out the house in less than an hour with the baby so I'm trying to get myself ready whilst baby is screaming and the house needs tidying too because we have guests coming and when I realised that I don't even have clean clothes it all got on top of me and I told everyone that I quit, took all the clean folded washing and threw it all all over the living room floor, told my teen and my Dh to just fuck off because I'm sick of carrying this load. Am I crazy? Did I over react? I'm still mad tbh and feel like I could smash the whole house up. I'm never angry like this and I've never had this kind of outburst before. I just feel drained. All Xmas shopping was down to me, Dh didn't even pick one present or put his thoughts into anything.

I've lost it a couple of times this weekend. Everyone wants Christmas, but no one will put any effort into it and I'm just done with it.
My ideal Xmas would be going out all the time with people, like I used to when I was young. But apparently you're not allowed to do that if you have young teens.
So I compromise.
Dh keeps going on about making the house nice, but is largely sitting around, so I'm doing fuck all.
Dd wanted to watch a Christmas film lay night, but ds pulled it apart the whole time. I hate Xmas films.. but you know, compromise.
I've tried to do simple family days out, but they all turn to shit. But I'm trying to make it Christmassy for them.
Dh spends most of his time on his phone, so I don't know why it's up to me to make Christmas. Everyone has to pull their weight, but if all 4people here want to live separate lives, then what's the point?

Anger is valid! I can't believe you're doing all the housework with a new baby, you've grown the baby and given birth to it ffs, this is when the dad should be doing just about everything! He's letting you down massively.

You didn't trash the house - you threw some clothes around - nothing broken, no harm done. You're not wrong to lose it with DH. He's a fully grown adult and needs to pull his finger out and contribute to the running of the household. You were unreasonable to shout and swear at teen and you probably owe them an apology but you also need to sort something out so that they have some tasks to do to help around the house.

YABU. Guessing your lazy partner isn't the oldest kid's father? You shouldn't have taken it out on her.

I'm glad your h knows he's been a lazy prick. I think he should take over the chores and childcare for a few days, allow you to rest. Sending you 💐

I hope your DH has really helped you today. And he needs to realise, it's not about doing it once just because you lost it. This is his family and he has a responsibility to do his bit every single day at home- whatever his job is. Small DC are very hard work (I had 3 in 5 years) and can easily make you feel overwhelmed by everything they need and you get lost in it all and feel like you aren't seen (at least I did). I don't think I'd have coped at times if DH hadn't pulled his weight and that was with me being a SAHM. The washing and drying is relentless, so are thr nappies and toys and mess.

I hope you've had help today but also that you are helped every day by him from now on.

I see someone has advised going to the GP. I don't actually think stress is treatable, depression may be. She hasn't mentioned this and even says that her daughter said the outburst was out of character. But putting a knackered mother of two babies on ADs because she is overwhelmed is completely the wrong approach. It allows lazy men to wriggle off the hook. Stress (and anger) are normal human reactions to being treated shabbily, overworked and taken for granted, surely.

This is so true.

OP I really hope you were able to go back to bed and get some rest.

I hope your DH has really helped you today.

IT ISNT HELPING THE WOMAN. IT IS BEING AN EQUAL ADULT IN THE HOUSEHOLD. FFS.

@Sugarsun

give over! She chucked a bit of washing around, she didn’t smash up the house, no big deal she

She seems to be in the US (uses 'gotten'). They don't really have maternity leave. So presumably she has to go back to work. Until the US enters the twenty-first century and the first world she has a problem. DH and teen ought to be more helpful, but DH probably has work stress too.

If she has a toddler and a ten week old and is going out to work, even part-time (and I think she is in the US and has to go back to work) then that is an added burden to the work of childcare. Childcare is work, as is running a house etc. and an outside job on top is killing.

I think you did the right thing, they might actually see your point now and you did it in a relatively safe place rather than out alone with the baby or something. I’m sure they can sort some washing out.