To be seething at relative who’s passed on an illness this close to Christmas

[YaWeeFurryBastard]

Probably BVU but I’m awake in the middle of the night unable to sleep on day 2 of a bloody rotten cold. Relative came to stay for three days earlier in the week and neglected to mention they had a cold, I did hear some snuffling and throat clearing but put it down to age.

I have a crap immune system and pick up everything going and it always seems to be worse than for others as well. I am frankly really pissed off they didn’t mention it so I could have steered well clear of them as we are hosting Christmas for the first time with multiple relatives staying and I now feel bloody awful and would rather just be in bed.

I was so excited for this and have spent ages planning a nice day and now I just feel it will be ruined as going to feel like complete shit. Going elsewhere is not an option and all food has been bought. Guests are still happy to come despite my cold so I’ll just have to soldier on but I’m really not looking forward to it. Have dosed up on all the right meds but doesn’t seem to be making much difference.

It’s annoying they didn’t tell you but Christmas is still 24 hours away- you might be feeling better then. I’ve just for over a rotten illness that only lasted 24ish hours.

If you’re still unwell and your guests know that and come anyway, then it’s more than fair to ask everyone attending to pitch in. If they don’t then they’re ruder than the relative who came round with their illness.

Hope you feel better soon!

Do you have a DH or DP who can do all the work, so that you can just rest OP? Alternatively, could you tell one of your guests how bad you're feeling, and ask them to do all cooking, hosting, etc., in your place so that food isn't wasted, you can stay in bed, and it only affects you rather than all of your guests, and means you don't have to cope with everything while you feel awful?

Thank you lovely 💐. Hopefully I’ll feel better soon! Just having a bit of a vent as much as I’d like to, I won’t be saying anything further to the relative as I’ve already said “I wish you’d let me know”.

Same here. I did warn visitors we were due to have today, that I had a cold and left it up to them. They didn't come.
I've tried a few different meds and I've found Sudafed congestion and headache relief tablets to make the biggest difference. I feel noticeably better with them and have more energy, to the point that I can feel when they wear off and I can have another dose. Try them. Hope you feel better.

They might have been "snuffling and throat clearing" and not thought they were sick. You put it down to age - maybe they did too. Have they actually told you that they had this same rotten cold as you've got ? I mean, you may have picked up your cold from the supermarket, or any number of places that you've been lately. It's a bit tough to blame one person when it could have been anyone.

Anyway I hope you feel better soon, and have the best Christmas possible.

Yes they did as ironically on the final day of the stay they started complaining that “bloody X” friend had given them a cold 😂 after I asked if they were feeling unwell.

Also- night nurse! If you don’t have any in, send someone out for some first thing and sleep all day tomorrow. You’ll feel a million times better.

In the meantime, get off mumsnet and try to sleep! (I realise I’m also on here at 2am but I’m not poorly)

Got a DH who to be fair has been fab as I have done nothing today and stayed in bed while he cleaned the entire house, received the big shop and went to multiple shops to get missing bits and medicine, plus kept me fed and watered and dosed up. He’ll manage most of the prep tomorrow and I guess I’ll just have to ask guests to help me host on Christmas Eve and pray I start to feel better.

I find this sort of thing infuriating. DH and I were visiting one of my cousins last week. After she'd enveloped us both in a massive hug, she then went into a coughing fit which lasted for ages. Turns out that she's got this horrible coughing virus that's doing the rounds, but didn't want to tell us because she wanted to see us. She knows damn fine I have asthma.

Luckily we didn't get it but her husband did. He was really unwell with it and was pretty much in his bed Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. They went out to their local pub on Friday night though because they meet up with all of their pals there - including a woman who's also got asthma AND a tiny baby! So selfish.

Really hope you're feeling better soon @YaWeeFurryBastard .

Pre 2020 I don’t remember anyone ‘informing’ others that they had a cold. So why would we now?

I always ask people to keep away as colds have become pneumonia a couple of times. It's just good common sense to keep your germs away from others, even pre Covid lors of us said that.

OP I hope you feel better asap 💐

Noro doing the rounds too....and people wonder why I wash my hands a lot.

YANBU OP, so annoying when people don’t tell you beforehand that they are ill, such selfish behaviour. All my close relatives/friends always tell me if they have a cold etc and we rearrange to meet when they are better. I have MS and try to avoid colds where possible, on advice from Neurologist, as they can trigger a relapse. Hope you feel better soon and have a good Christmas.

Same. I've had pneumonia quite a number of times and it's awful.

I'm not classed as immunocompromised, but I am large of chest and I think that stops me getting things off my chest as well and it does develop into pneumonia and I've been hospitalised all from picking up someone's stinking rotten cold.

My little boy seems the same, so I hate it when we have visitors that haven't disclosed they're ill because we'd probably choose to rearrange.

When we bring it up we just get told "oh he'd pick it up from school anyway because they've all got it", but it's besides the point. Why come to our home when unwell?

It's just a cold get a grip 🙄

That doesn't make it right!
Lots of people have weakened immune systems and a cold can make them feel terrible and possibly develop into something worse.
Be thoughtful and say if you're ill however trivial it seems to you.
OP, I hope you get well soon.

How thoughtful of you on the season of goodwill.

We were invited to DH's family gathering last year. Got there to be told that they had all had severe D&V and 2 of them were in hospital having IV fluids. They know I am immunosuppressed. They have form for being inconsiderate. They were offended when we left.

Have you informed your visitors?

Yes and they’re adamant they’re still coming, but that’s their choice in full knowledge of the situation. The bulk of them are from the same household as the cold giver anyway.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead ""Why come to our home when unwell?"

IKR?! Tbh one bout of "not pneumonia but in bed for two weeks with a range of steroid inhalers and antibiotics" - I blame my best friend. She met me for lunch with a streaming cold, I kept quiet but cut the afternoon short...then when I fell ill, I told her, and said she had forgotten my tendency to get really ill. This was pre Covid and she was terrified of that!

You'd think the one good thing about the last few years is people might have more awareness but no. The shops were so empty of soap in 2020, mum and I were left wondering if anyone washes their hands.

Interesting as I also have large boobs, is that what you meant?

Oh. My. GOD.

Sorry this happened to you, sounds really unpleasant and she should have bloody let you know beforehand.

I had a friend meet me & ds with her child before we went on holiday. She waited until we had met and then casually mentioned her child had had the most awful virus. I cut it short but we went on holiday the following day and ds got really sick. We had to stay indoors for the entire holiday, visit doctors numerous times and were told child was not fit to fly home. Child being sick totally wrecked an expensive holiday.

I think people should exercise some care & thoughtfulness when they are sick.

Everyone I know always has. "I've got a cold, are you still good to meet up?" It's just courtesy. Always has been.

But there are plenty of people who don't care about others.