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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister faked going away at xmas???

226 replies

user1498460618 · 23/12/2023 19:55

So every year we go to my Sister and BIL house on xmas day lunch. There are 4 of us, 4 of them, plus our mum and dad. My Sis is a great cook and does a really good lunch with excellent matched wines etc. Her and BIL are quite well off so always cover the cost of everything.

In July they announced they were going away to France this Christmas, so I have made plans to host my parents. It's really stressful as I work in the NHS and worked right up to today and now have to do all the shopping and cooking.

I have just driven by their house and the lights were on, which I was surprised about and I worried they were getting burgled or something. I parked up and went to knock on the door. My Sis was there making prep for xmas lunch in her kitchen!! She said they decided not to go to France at the last minute as the borders looked crazy, so are staying home and just decided to have a small lunch the 4 of them as they knew I had already made alternative plans. She said she was going to call me tomorrow to tell me.

However I can see they have ordered a fair bit in from places you need to be organised to buy from - ie the local goose farmer that sells out in October. I am a bit annoyed at the great expense and work I have had to go to when they are here all along. Plus I now have to host my elderly mum and dad and driven them to and from ours which means I can't have a drink until later.

I told them they could have mum and dad now and she said she can't as they only have enough food for 4. She's a prolific cook so this is unlikely.

It looks like they planned this long ago as a way to get out of hosting. AIBU to be a bit annoyed about it?

OP posts:
Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 25/12/2023 22:32

You are ridiculously selfish and also sound incredibly jealous of your sister. I wonder if you are also a pain to host?

Congratulations to your sister for the enforcement of healthy boundaries!

notaladyinred · 25/12/2023 22:32

Obviously YABU, but also your parents don't get to "insist" anything. If they're a nightmare leave then alone, whatever their age.

Ladybirder · 25/12/2023 22:33

You’ve taken your sister for granted for many years and now she’s sick of it. Hosting should be taken in turns, with all pitching in with prep/ cleaning up etc. maybe your sister shouldn’t have lied, but she is allowed to have a relaxed Christmas alone or even be hosted by other family!

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 25/12/2023 23:27

Good on your parents for divorcing rather than staying married if they no longer want to be together - whatever age they are.
Perhaps you and your sister should have a conversation well in advance about next year. Neither of you have to invite anyone to join your household on Xmas Day - you could leave your parents at home/ to make their own plans. You could both tell them that you're going away that week!
Alternatively, you could divvy them up and each invite one parent over. And avoid having them both in the same place at the same time.

ChristmasEvemaddness · 25/12/2023 23:33

Clever sister it sounds like an entitled nightmare all around.. I hope sister and her family had a special day and how they have probably wanted it for decades...

ALongHardWinter · 25/12/2023 23:43

Reverse.

BusyMum47 · 26/12/2023 00:11

You sound like a spoiled, selfish, cheeky f*cker!

HaveSomeIntrospect · 26/12/2023 00:20

I initially thought that this was a reverse.

You sound totally tone deaf. Your sister obviously wanted a Christmas just her dh and kids.

Doing everything and paying for everything is bad enough, but your parents sound like nightmares and you sound entitled

AndWordsWhen · 26/12/2023 00:26

Can we ask that this one is put in classics? I've not laughed as much at an OP in years.

ExTheCheater · 26/12/2023 00:36

You sound like a right sponger. Next year don't burden your sister. She's made it clear now she's had enough.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 26/12/2023 03:52

I’m on team Sister! Good for her and your BIL. I hope they had a great Christmas.

Nextweektoo · 26/12/2023 04:12

OP, read this back! You sound crazy. Why were you driving by their house?

NumberTheory · 26/12/2023 04:45

I think YABU, OP, but from your update I can see how it might feel like you’ve been sort of in-it-together hosting your parents for Christmas even though it’s been at her house and, to you, it feels like she’s ditched, leaving you to do it all. And she’s set a high standard for the hosting which you feel is a much bigger struggle for you to try to meet.

But neither you nor your DSis are obliged to host your parents. She gave you lots of notice. It would have been good if she’d been honest with you, but what would have happened then? Would you have told your parents? Tried to coerce her into sticking to the way you’ve done it that makes you all miserable? Fallen out with her for wanting a change?

Being furious with her is unfair. It’s hard, navigating difficult family. Try some concern. Talk to her about it without judgement. See if the two of you can come up with better ways to manage your difficult parents. Maybe put your foot down with them and don’t allow them to attend events together. Or have celebratory meals in restaurants where they may feel more obliged to be on their best behaviour or, at least, it’s easier for you to walk away.

HolidayAddict23 · 26/12/2023 06:15

Not only are you very unreasonable, you’re a massive CF!!! You sound so entitled, no wonder your sister told lies to avoid you ruining her Christmas

tuvamoodyson · 26/12/2023 06:24

FussyPud · 23/12/2023 20:11

I wish there was a Mumsnet popcorn emoji.

Angela Lansbury Popcorn GIF

So what happened next?

Londonrach1 · 26/12/2023 06:36

Your poor sister. I hope she has a good Christmas without the stress you and her parents give her. Yabu

Original poster
user1498460618 · 26/12/2023 07:49

NumberTheory · 26/12/2023 04:45

I think YABU, OP, but from your update I can see how it might feel like you’ve been sort of in-it-together hosting your parents for Christmas even though it’s been at her house and, to you, it feels like she’s ditched, leaving you to do it all. And she’s set a high standard for the hosting which you feel is a much bigger struggle for you to try to meet.

But neither you nor your DSis are obliged to host your parents. She gave you lots of notice. It would have been good if she’d been honest with you, but what would have happened then? Would you have told your parents? Tried to coerce her into sticking to the way you’ve done it that makes you all miserable? Fallen out with her for wanting a change?

Being furious with her is unfair. It’s hard, navigating difficult family. Try some concern. Talk to her about it without judgement. See if the two of you can come up with better ways to manage your difficult parents. Maybe put your foot down with them and don’t allow them to attend events together. Or have celebratory meals in restaurants where they may feel more obliged to be on their best behaviour or, at least, it’s easier for you to walk away.

THank you for understanding the actual point of my frustration - we HAVE been in this together! From the very start. And this year I had to do IT ALL myself while she was probably here all along.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1498460618 · 26/12/2023 07:50

And planning to be here all along

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 26/12/2023 08:09

Next year both of you can take holidays to France over Christmas and leave your annoying parents to it.

Alcyoneus · 26/12/2023 08:26

OP, don’t don’t sound like the kind of person a sibling would want to host. You sound utterly entitled, envious and downright weird. Perhaps take it as a sign that she had to make an excuse to get out of hosting.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 26/12/2023 09:43

RantyAnty · 26/12/2023 08:09

Next year both of you can take holidays to France over Christmas and leave your annoying parents to it.

I was going to suggest sending the parents to France.

TR888 · 26/12/2023 09:55

OP, your directing your frustration to the wrong person. I think the solution is to be upfront with your parents. Tell them they're a nightmare and spoil family occasions, so from now on they won't come to any together.

Sorted!

Sunnydays0101 · 26/12/2023 09:57

You sound dreadful. Your sister has hosted yourself and your parents for years while you just turned up on the day and now whinging that you had to do it ALL this year!

How did you not know your sister wasn’t going away - did you not drop gifts to her before you thought she was going - had you not contacted her to ask her if you could help with preparations - had you not contacted her to wish her a happy holiday ??

I applaud your sister for breaking her tradition of hosting you all.

Ladysodor · 26/12/2023 09:57

She was probably sick to death of you all landing on her year in year out!

ACynicalDad · 26/12/2023 09:58

The NHS isn’t a get out of jail free card. Take your turn, might not be every other year. Invite everyone to you next year and maybe they will invite you next year.

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