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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister faked going away at xmas???

226 replies

user1498460618 · 23/12/2023 19:55

So every year we go to my Sister and BIL house on xmas day lunch. There are 4 of us, 4 of them, plus our mum and dad. My Sis is a great cook and does a really good lunch with excellent matched wines etc. Her and BIL are quite well off so always cover the cost of everything.

In July they announced they were going away to France this Christmas, so I have made plans to host my parents. It's really stressful as I work in the NHS and worked right up to today and now have to do all the shopping and cooking.

I have just driven by their house and the lights were on, which I was surprised about and I worried they were getting burgled or something. I parked up and went to knock on the door. My Sis was there making prep for xmas lunch in her kitchen!! She said they decided not to go to France at the last minute as the borders looked crazy, so are staying home and just decided to have a small lunch the 4 of them as they knew I had already made alternative plans. She said she was going to call me tomorrow to tell me.

However I can see they have ordered a fair bit in from places you need to be organised to buy from - ie the local goose farmer that sells out in October. I am a bit annoyed at the great expense and work I have had to go to when they are here all along. Plus I now have to host my elderly mum and dad and driven them to and from ours which means I can't have a drink until later.

I told them they could have mum and dad now and she said she can't as they only have enough food for 4. She's a prolific cook so this is unlikely.

It looks like they planned this long ago as a way to get out of hosting. AIBU to be a bit annoyed about it?

OP posts:
LoobyDop · 25/12/2023 09:11

I’m pretty sure they weren’t planning to take a dead goose to France, or they wouldn’t have succeeded. You can’t take animal products through Customs. I’m still on her side, though.

Scalottia · 25/12/2023 09:15

Oh no you can't have a drink until later! My heart bleeds for you.

YABU and a CF.

Butchyrestingface · 25/12/2023 09:18

@user1498460618 Either you are the cheekiest fucker yet on this site, or it’s another tedious reverse.

Either way, YABU.

Islandlifex · 25/12/2023 09:20

Working for the NHS doesn't mean that you are automatically entitled to be hosted and waited on every year with no offer of returning the favour. Did you drive past her house to spy on her? There is a cost of living crisis and hosting for 10 every year must have taken its toll. Good on her, please offer to host next year!

VanityDiesHard · 25/12/2023 09:24

This gotta be a reverse.

Kingoftheroad · 25/12/2023 09:28

😆

BMW6 · 25/12/2023 09:41

Such an obvious and tedious Reverse 😡

readingismycardio · 25/12/2023 09:57

That's brilliant! Good for her, can i be her friend?😂

VinterBjorn · 25/12/2023 13:11

Good on your sister! It's exhausting always hosting and no one else ever offering. Spending all the money every year. I'd have done the same tbh.

Cherrysoup · 25/12/2023 13:24

I’m dying! MN, entertaining as ever, even on Christmas Day! 🤣

Takenoprisoner · 25/12/2023 14:46

Whataretheodds · 23/12/2023 19:57

Reverse, surely

Or a troll. This place seems overrun with them lately

In case it's all true, good on your sister!!

FirstTimeTTC989 · 25/12/2023 15:02

Hahahahaaahaha amazing

ColettesEarrings · 25/12/2023 15:07

Such bullshit! No one actually believes this, right?! 😂😂😂

Original poster
user1498460618 · 25/12/2023 19:57

Hi - I am back after the initial shock of the wholehearted response against me has worn off. The day is done and the parents have been delivered home. It was all OK.

This is definitely not a reverse but I have left some vital parts out that may have led to people thinking it was unimaginable. I guess this qualifies as drip feeding, sorry. I didn't think it made the faking going away any different. It was just my initial response to finding out my sister will be here and it seemed so unreasonable to me. Bur obviously not to everyone else.

A couple of points.

My parents are MASSIVE NIGHTMARES. They divorced when 80 (who does that?) and totally hate each other's guts. Yet they insist on coming together to all festive events and fully ruining the mood. So driving them to and fro means a frosty atmosphere in the car as well as a weird atmosphere on the day. My DM is also self obsessed and talks about herself all the time. My Dad is still angry at the whole situation but also has lots of weird obscure academic interests that he insists on regaling us all with - so between them none of us get a word in anywhere.

Also, TBH I always thought my sister wanted to host because she could spend the time in the kitchen away from them both. She has said in the past that my job was to "entertain the pains". Not to help out, so that is what we have done.

Anyway, it sounds like I need to have a conversation with her. Thanks for the responses from everyone. I ghosted this thread since posting but have been turning it over in my head since.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1498460618 · 25/12/2023 19:59

Can I say also, my sister is a perfectionist and is always trying to make things "magical". I feel like my parents do not fit into this scene she is trying to create in her beautiful house.

I also think for this reason she is also unlikely to ever want to spend the day in my tiny place where the table is in the kitchen... I full believe that. But I have never asked her, so fair call.

OP posts:
tenterden · 25/12/2023 20:00

To be honest I don’t think your updates will change anybody’s minds!

LivingDeadGirlUK · 25/12/2023 20:03

You are right, you need to have a conversation with her, you have taken her massively for granted over the years. If your parents are a nightmare its even worse that you tried to palm them back on her, you need to do your share.

44PumpLane · 25/12/2023 21:29

Read the original post and said YABU, read the updates and still say YABU!

brentwoods · 25/12/2023 22:09

it still reads like a reverse . . .

OrigamiOwls · 25/12/2023 22:15

Even with your updates you are still massively unreasonable.
She's an adult, she can do what she wants, she doesn't have to host ever year...and you can't issues orders to make her.
You've massively taken her for granted for years, no wonder she's not up for continuing to host you all. Your parents sound like a bit of a nightmare (which at least you recognise), you sound demanding and inflexible.

MsMarshaKlein · 25/12/2023 22:23

Goodlard · 23/12/2023 20:11

You work for the NHS you say? Don't they get an immediate exception from hosting Christmas?

Note she doesn't say she's a nurse, a doctor or a cardiothoracic surgeon. Plenty of admin staff "work for the NHS".

Zooeyzo · 25/12/2023 22:24

Even with the updates OP you sound a bit self absorbed. Maybe your sis just got fedup of hosting you and your parents.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 25/12/2023 22:26

I literally never post unless I have read more than the first 2 pages or at the very least the OP updates - but I call reverse or YABU /CF.

EmmaEmerald · 25/12/2023 22:26

Looking at the update, I can see even more why your sister did this.

But really everyone has to refuse this crazy parent situation. Maybe take one each! And no one bust a gut for them.

LemonLight · 25/12/2023 22:30

You are unbelievably selfish. I'm just gobsmacked.