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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister faked going away at xmas???

226 replies

user1498460618 · 23/12/2023 19:55

So every year we go to my Sister and BIL house on xmas day lunch. There are 4 of us, 4 of them, plus our mum and dad. My Sis is a great cook and does a really good lunch with excellent matched wines etc. Her and BIL are quite well off so always cover the cost of everything.

In July they announced they were going away to France this Christmas, so I have made plans to host my parents. It's really stressful as I work in the NHS and worked right up to today and now have to do all the shopping and cooking.

I have just driven by their house and the lights were on, which I was surprised about and I worried they were getting burgled or something. I parked up and went to knock on the door. My Sis was there making prep for xmas lunch in her kitchen!! She said they decided not to go to France at the last minute as the borders looked crazy, so are staying home and just decided to have a small lunch the 4 of them as they knew I had already made alternative plans. She said she was going to call me tomorrow to tell me.

However I can see they have ordered a fair bit in from places you need to be organised to buy from - ie the local goose farmer that sells out in October. I am a bit annoyed at the great expense and work I have had to go to when they are here all along. Plus I now have to host my elderly mum and dad and driven them to and from ours which means I can't have a drink until later.

I told them they could have mum and dad now and she said she can't as they only have enough food for 4. She's a prolific cook so this is unlikely.

It looks like they planned this long ago as a way to get out of hosting. AIBU to be a bit annoyed about it?

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb53 · 23/12/2023 23:31

You've taken advantage of her for years, now you're pissed off because you have to pay for and cook your own dinner and shock horror your parents too!!
I applaud your sister

SGANDRUE · 23/12/2023 23:39

Wot they said👆

Fieryone · 23/12/2023 23:46

Xx

theresastormcoming · 23/12/2023 23:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MagentaRocks · 23/12/2023 23:50

Fieryone · 23/12/2023 23:46

Xx

Edited

You need to start your own thread.

Ohnotyoutoo · 23/12/2023 23:58

StaunchMomma · 23/12/2023 21:24

The only thing your DSis has done wrong is not be upfront about not wanting to host.

Agreed. She should have just said "I don't want to host this year" if she didn't want to, or let you know that they weren't in France due to last minute cancellation but would prefer to keep it small at home, which is absolutely fine.

Scarletttulips · 24/12/2023 00:12

She should have just said "I don't want to host this year" if she didn't want to, or let you know that they weren't in France due to last minute cancellation but would prefer to keep it small at home, which is absolutely fine

Nope. OP sounds like a bully - They said they were going to France and allowed everyone chance to make arrangements - them not going does not affect these arrangements.

if OP is kicking off here and demanding DSis takes the parents - imagine what she said in real life.

Sunbird24 · 24/12/2023 00:24

Imagine how the parents would feel, being shunted off to the other sister at the last minute

PBandJ111 · 24/12/2023 06:43

Could you be any more rude or entitled?!!

ManateeFair · 24/12/2023 09:17

Yeah, this is definitely a real thing that happened 👀

GabriellaMontez · 24/12/2023 09:27

I wonder why she didn't ever speak to you about sharing the burden/expense of Christmas? Instead, continuing to shoulder the work and responsibility single handedly. Or did she...

YABU

Squeaky2023 · 24/12/2023 09:30

Give your sister a big hug, tell her you understand and apologise for being so selfish for all these years.

lanthanum · 24/12/2023 09:35

I think you should probably feel embarrassed that they didn't feel able to say "we'd like a Christmas off, or at least for other people to contribute to the cost or the meal prep", and had to invent an excuse to get out of hosting.

LucillaTeatime · 24/12/2023 09:36

If I were your sister I would have faked my own death and moved by now.

OceanicBoundlessness · 24/12/2023 09:47

I assume you are the sister and it's a genius plan. I might join you next year. Your only mistake was not to actually go away. Now you can stick with implausable deniability or come clean and say you really needed a break and felt that saying you were going away was the gentlest way to do it without upsetting anyone..

This is the most upset your family will be. Now you've drawn the line, it will feel easier to make the plans that you want to make next year.

Your family are all adults and will get a sense of perspective over it eventually. Have a great quieter Christmas!

Goodlard · 24/12/2023 16:23

LucillaTeatime · 24/12/2023 09:36

If I were your sister I would have faked my own death and moved by now.

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

You win the thread!

Ladybughello · 24/12/2023 16:30

😂😂 Merry Christmas to your sister. I hope she enjoys her single year off from “the great expense and work”. Oh wait, she doesn’t even get a year off from cooking as no one offered to host her still 🙄

IncompleteSenten · 24/12/2023 20:05

Why is it her job to host every year?
YABU. Hugely so.

Your poor sister had to pretend to be out of the country to get a year off!

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 24/12/2023 22:11

You all expect her to host every single year and you don’t offer to return the favour because it causes you inconvenience. That is so selfish and entitled of you. You should alternate who hosts and if you can’t be bothered to host one year (or any year at all), just cook for your own family or eat out at a restaurant which serves Christmas food - not sulk at your sister for daring to want a break from hosting! She didn’t tell you because she knew you’d react like this, clearly.

CoatOfArms · 24/12/2023 22:14

AlisonDonut · 23/12/2023 19:56

No. She's probably sick of hosting. Let her get on with it.

With bells on. She's the one who has been producing Christmas dinner for 10 people for the last however many years without contribution financial or otherwise from her sister/brother in law.

Good for her.

CoatOfArms · 24/12/2023 22:16

Oh and if this is a reverse - what a dick move, OP.

Brefugee · 24/12/2023 22:19

Team sister here. My parents hosted my mum's brothers and their partners and my brother and his wife and kids for several years (with no expectation of contributions etc) but eventually, the complete and utter lack of anyone even bringing a bottle, let alone offering to help do the washing up lead them to decide to go abroad every Christmas. To complaints of "what will we do for Christmas now" from the ungrateful fuckers.

So, OP, you and your parents should take a good long look at yourselves and wonder why Sister may have done this?

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2023 22:27

user1498460618 · 23/12/2023 19:55

So every year we go to my Sister and BIL house on xmas day lunch. There are 4 of us, 4 of them, plus our mum and dad. My Sis is a great cook and does a really good lunch with excellent matched wines etc. Her and BIL are quite well off so always cover the cost of everything.

In July they announced they were going away to France this Christmas, so I have made plans to host my parents. It's really stressful as I work in the NHS and worked right up to today and now have to do all the shopping and cooking.

I have just driven by their house and the lights were on, which I was surprised about and I worried they were getting burgled or something. I parked up and went to knock on the door. My Sis was there making prep for xmas lunch in her kitchen!! She said they decided not to go to France at the last minute as the borders looked crazy, so are staying home and just decided to have a small lunch the 4 of them as they knew I had already made alternative plans. She said she was going to call me tomorrow to tell me.

However I can see they have ordered a fair bit in from places you need to be organised to buy from - ie the local goose farmer that sells out in October. I am a bit annoyed at the great expense and work I have had to go to when they are here all along. Plus I now have to host my elderly mum and dad and driven them to and from ours which means I can't have a drink until later.

I told them they could have mum and dad now and she said she can't as they only have enough food for 4. She's a prolific cook so this is unlikely.

It looks like they planned this long ago as a way to get out of hosting. AIBU to be a bit annoyed about it?

I'm bloody glad I'm not your mother!

If that's how you feel then you really shouldn't bother to host anyone.

Poppyseason · 25/12/2023 04:59

Very rarely does someone want to host and cook every year even if they are a good cook!

VampireApples · 25/12/2023 05:18

To be honest, it sounds as if there's 2 scenarios here. A) They get genuinely didn't want to tackle the borders- the goose could have been from somewhere else or there was a spare one at the last minute. B) They didn't want to host this year and told everyone they were going away. If they've lied about going away, then it's obvious they really didn't want to host again this year, they are entitled to do what they choose on their Christmas, so I wouldn't be annoyed about that, just the lying. But there's always the possibility they're telling the truth so..... Maybe leave it for a couple of weeks and let the dust settle and have a chat about it if you really honestly think they lied to avoid hosting. They probably find it too stressful and want to step down from from it - if they DID lie. So YANBU for being annoyed if they lied, but YABU if you are annoyed they didn't want to host, because it's their right to choose what they do at Christmas.