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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude? Dinner table etiquette

238 replies

EdinaMonsoon · 23/12/2023 11:40

Out for dinner & drinks with another couple last night. Immediately they finished their meals, they began stacking their plates and pushing them to the centre of the table, meaning DH & I had their used plates right in front of us. We didn’t say anything but they do it every time we go out to eat and we both find it rude and bad manners. Do people stack plates in a restaurant after eating? I certainly don’t and wouldn’t. And certainly wouldn’t push my used plate in front of someone else’s!

We also always wait until the last person is finished eating before we make any sign to waiting staff that we’re ready for the plates to be cleared whereas they will grab the attention of anyone passing and ask them to clear their plates even though others at the table are still eating. We’re not slow eaters but dinner a meal out should be enjoyed at a relaxed pace, no? AWBU?

OP posts:
Janieforever · 23/12/2023 11:41

It’s very odd to be honest.

Tinkerbyebye · 23/12/2023 11:41

I just wouldn’t go out with them anymore

Clarinet1 · 23/12/2023 11:45

I’m not sure the word is “rude” but definitely not conventional etiquette in anything above a greasy spoon! Waiting staff are there to wait on you!

PamelaParis · 23/12/2023 11:47

It wouldn't really bother me. If I'm still eating I'm concentrating on my own plate and don't care what other people do with theirs once they've finished!

Goodlard · 23/12/2023 11:57

So you don't want their plates on front of you? But you don't want the waiting staff to collect them either?

Daisies12 · 23/12/2023 11:59

That’s really rude. I absolutely hate when waiters take some people’s plates, as a slow eater, it makes me feel so stressed and ruins a meal.

MasterBeth · 23/12/2023 12:01

I'd say it's a quite informal behaviour. In a crowded pub around a tiny table where bar staff come to clear your glasses, it wouldn't bother me. In a more formal restaurant, it would appear odd

Mirrormeback · 23/12/2023 12:03

That's bizarre behaviour

Mirrormeback · 23/12/2023 12:03

Especially as they both think that's ok Confused

Qwerty556 · 23/12/2023 12:04

It wouldn't bother me at all.

People being bothered by this would bother me.

HeddaGarbled · 23/12/2023 12:05

It’s a bit odd. They’ve got some sort of bee in their bonnets about not having used plates in front of them. If I were you I’d put up with it for the sake of their company but build myself a bit of a barrier around me on the table with glasses etc, so they couldn’t encroach on my space 🙂

LBFseBrom · 23/12/2023 12:05

I think it is very rude and you should say to them, or one of them, "Please don't stack your plates before anyone else has finished". Some people have no manners at all but it isn't always their fault, maybe their parents did it at home and they think it is 'normal'. Telling them, gently, is doing them a favour. However, that isn't to say they will like being told.

FictionalCharacter · 23/12/2023 12:06

Rude and weird.

Asifiwouldnt · 23/12/2023 12:06

Ooh I wouldn’t like that. Tbh I don’t like it when waiters collect half the table whilst others are still eating as it means yoh can be sat there eating whilst everyone has empty places in front of them and feel really self conscious.

The stacking things is very odd. And why take them off their own places and put them in the middle of the table.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/12/2023 12:07

Tinkerbyebye · 23/12/2023 11:41

I just wouldn’t go out with them anymore

Same here! I wouldn't want to eat my dinner with someone else's dirty plate in front of me.

DysmalRadius · 23/12/2023 12:09

It's cultural - there is no single 'correct' way to do things and in other cultures it's normal to clear plates as they are finished. I suspect that you feeling rushed is cultural too, based on your expectations. so it's up to you whether you ask them to go against their cultural norms or whether you go against yours.

blackberrychutney · 23/12/2023 12:10

I really can't stand it when people that stack their plates in Restaurants, and it really doesn't help the Staff at all! I guess they were starving that's why they ate so quickly?

ManateeFair · 23/12/2023 12:12

Goodlard · 23/12/2023 11:57

So you don't want their plates on front of you? But you don't want the waiting staff to collect them either?

I think the OP means she would rather they did what any normal person would do, which is finish eating and leave their plate at their own place setting until everyone else has finished and the waiting staff come to clear the table. Whereas this couple stack their dirty plates and push them away to the centre of the table while other people are still eating, which is rude and weird.

It’s also annoying for the waiting staff who are being grabbed to take their plates away mid-meal, because if you work in a restaurant you are trained never to clear the table until everyone has finished eating, and that it’s rude to do otherwise.

OP, this couple have terrible manners.

Laiste · 23/12/2023 12:13

The only time i stack plates is if everyone's been finished for ages, service is slow and we want/need a bit of room on the table.

I wouldn't push dirty plates near to people who are still eating. (staked or not!) That's just rude.

Caroparo52 · 23/12/2023 12:13

Gross. Can you push them back over their side?

StarlightLime · 23/12/2023 12:15

They sound like a right pair of savages. Don't they get out much?

Frances0911 · 23/12/2023 12:15

Is it their way of telling you to hurry up, as they want the next course, or generally because you are slow eaters and they want to leave?

Either way it's rude.

Qwerty556 · 23/12/2023 12:19

LBFseBrom · 23/12/2023 12:05

I think it is very rude and you should say to them, or one of them, "Please don't stack your plates before anyone else has finished". Some people have no manners at all but it isn't always their fault, maybe their parents did it at home and they think it is 'normal'. Telling them, gently, is doing them a favour. However, that isn't to say they will like being told.

Once a again, but a bit more patronising- there may be some working class people reading.

ManateeFair · 23/12/2023 12:19

DysmalRadius · 23/12/2023 12:09

It's cultural - there is no single 'correct' way to do things and in other cultures it's normal to clear plates as they are finished. I suspect that you feeling rushed is cultural too, based on your expectations. so it's up to you whether you ask them to go against their cultural norms or whether you go against yours.

The polite thing to do in any situation is to adhere to the norms of the country you’re in. I have colleagues for whom it’s normal their countries’ cultures to eat with your fingers, but they would be appalled if someone ate with their fingers in a restaurant in the UK. Similarly, in some countries you’re expected to pay extra on your bill for things like a cover charge per person and you’re charged a small amount for things Iike nuts/crisps/olives that you didn’t ask for. I would query that in the UK. I wouldn’t query it in a country where that’s the norm.

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 23/12/2023 12:23

Nah, your mates are freaks.

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