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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say its not my problem she's forgotten

186 replies

redd9 · 23/12/2023 09:11

My husband is currently away visiting his family abroad for Christmas. We have a young toddler so we decided I and our child would not go this time, we see them throughout the year anyway. Husbands older DC were also in school until yesterday so haven't gone either.

He is back tomorrow afternoon.

DSC was supposed to come to us today for a week, our usual time, but DH spoke to ex when this was booked and she agreed to keep DSC for the extra night until he was home tomorrow, as we have also always done for her when she's needed us to.

She has now "forgotten" and is insisting DSC will have to come here as she has plans. Well first it was plans and now it's apparently work. I suspect its a night out
but that she's decided working sounds more important.

Thing is, I also have plans! I have a family meal with my parents and siblings and then my parents were going to keep toddler overnight so I could go and see a friend for a few wines at hers.

I've said I appreciate its not usually her time to have DSC but she did agree to this ages ago and as such it's not my problem she's now forgotten and I won't be cancelling what I'm doing to have them. Had toddler alone all week so looking forward to some time tonight before the Christmas madness.

Aibu? Admittedly I'm not the fondest of DHs ex and that's for a number of reasons over the past.

OP posts:
Original poster
redd9 · 23/12/2023 09:30

Thing is I'd actually not put it past her to just turn up later. I'm going to see if I can go to my parents earlier so there will be no one in.

OP posts:
youneveractually · 23/12/2023 09:32

how old are the children he has with ex?

youneveractually · 23/12/2023 09:32

what are his school aged older children doing overnight?

Pandagirl10 · 23/12/2023 09:34

I was about to say (before you did) be very careful you don’t get a knock on the door and open it to see DSC there with a bag and watch his mum driving off. Definitely leave earlier than expected!

youneveractually · 23/12/2023 09:34

your husband is visiting family and back on christmas eve

leaving his ex with 3 children
leaving his partner with a toddler

unbelievable

Original poster
redd9 · 23/12/2023 09:35

They are 10 and 12. One in primary and the other just gone into yr8.

OP posts:
youneveractually · 23/12/2023 09:36

redd9 · 23/12/2023 09:35

They are 10 and 12. One in primary and the other just gone into yr8.

so where will they be?

I can’t believe your husband thought he’d toddle off abroad leaving 4 children, an ex and a partner alone at this time of year

Original poster
redd9 · 23/12/2023 09:37

He has 2 children with ex not 3. And it's one more night than she'd usually have had them so he's not "left her" for the full time fending with multiple children. She'd have had them herself anyway all week, apart from tonight. And I chose not to go with him with our toddler as I didn't fancy travelling with little one this close to Christmas.

We have DSC week on week off swapping on the Sat night. So usually DSC would have come to us today for the next week and then back to mum next Sat.

OP posts:
Original poster
redd9 · 23/12/2023 09:38

I'm confused what you mean by where will they be? With their mum... who agreed to have them an extra night ages ago.

OP posts:
youneveractually · 23/12/2023 09:38

redd9 · 23/12/2023 09:37

He has 2 children with ex not 3. And it's one more night than she'd usually have had them so he's not "left her" for the full time fending with multiple children. She'd have had them herself anyway all week, apart from tonight. And I chose not to go with him with our toddler as I didn't fancy travelling with little one this close to Christmas.

We have DSC week on week off swapping on the Sat night. So usually DSC would have come to us today for the next week and then back to mum next Sat.

but you said DSD and referred to older children

youneveractually · 23/12/2023 09:39

redd9 · 23/12/2023 09:38

I'm confused what you mean by where will they be? With their mum... who agreed to have them an extra night ages ago.

ok.

So the mum is saying she can’t them
she’s asking you to look after her youngest

you refer to “his older children”. is she asking you to have them too?

youneveractually · 23/12/2023 09:40

it was the reference to the older children that threw me?

Zonder · 23/12/2023 09:40

Maybe reread the OPs posts @youneveractually it's pretty clear.

The mum of the two older children wants to hand them back today. OP wants to have them tomorrow as agreed.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 23/12/2023 09:41

Stick to your guns

AngelontopoftheTree · 23/12/2023 09:41

youneveractually · 23/12/2023 09:39

ok.

So the mum is saying she can’t them
she’s asking you to look after her youngest

you refer to “his older children”. is she asking you to have them too?

Edited
Show quote history

You're confusing yourself here @youneveractually - ex asked op to have the older children (2 dsc) while op has her own younger 1 child.

Original poster
redd9 · 23/12/2023 09:41

Erm no I never said DSD.

DH has two older children with his ex who usually would be staying with us from tonight for the next week but it was agreed some time ago that his ex, their mum, would have them one extra night (tonight). She is now saying she has forgotten and wants me to have them.

That's the situation. I don't know what's so confusing.

My mum is not involved.

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 23/12/2023 09:42

I'm not sure why the other poster is so confused about the number of children.

You are NBU op and stick to your guns.

MadeForThis · 23/12/2023 09:42

Just say no and tell her you are leaving in 10 mins and won't be home until tomorrow

Mrgrinch · 23/12/2023 09:42

It's not confusing.

You are not responsible to provide her children childcare. Continue as planned and she will have to miss "work".

Gonkers · 23/12/2023 09:43

This is really straightforward. The ex agreed with your DH to have them an extra night. It was confirmed and he reminded her. This means they are now her responsibility to source childcare for if she needs to work/go out. You are not the default, especially with your DP away. Frustrating for her perhaps, but not your problem. I’m sure if you were doing nothing it wouldn’t be a big deal, sounds like you all have a pretty decent set-up, but she cannot guilt trip you into changing plans because she messed up her calendar.

Gonkers · 23/12/2023 09:44

And there is nothing confusing in your posts.

ElevenSeven · 23/12/2023 09:46

youneveractually · 23/12/2023 09:34

your husband is visiting family and back on christmas eve

leaving his ex with 3 children
leaving his partner with a toddler

unbelievable

Edited

What’s unbelievable about this?

OP, your post is as clear as day; this is nothing to do with you.

I’d be out early if were you, to ensure no CF tries to drops
them off anyway.

mottytotty · 23/12/2023 09:46

redd9 · 23/12/2023 09:41

Erm no I never said DSD.

DH has two older children with his ex who usually would be staying with us from tonight for the next week but it was agreed some time ago that his ex, their mum, would have them one extra night (tonight). She is now saying she has forgotten and wants me to have them.

That's the situation. I don't know what's so confusing.

My mum is not involved.

Don’t worry, OP. That poster asks lots of questions on threads and then causes confusion for others.

Fullofxmascbeer · 23/12/2023 09:46

It’s not confusing, the op makes it clear about how many kids and who they belong to.

user1492757084 · 23/12/2023 09:47

I would leave it up to DH but you could suggest that he offer to pay for a babysitter at his ex's place. Her home, her babysitter and he pays.

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