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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really pissed off with nursery about this?

305 replies

Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 16:31

I know I’ll probably be flamed for this but have been trying to potty train ds, obviously not very well. But FIVE piss wet through pants? He does pee on the potty when told, so AIBU to wonder wtf is going on?

OP posts:
Original poster
Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 17:45

Thanks @Alarae Smile

OP posts:
Overthebow · 22/12/2023 17:46

Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 17:34

@macaronicheezepleeze - I do think he’s ready. If I don’t push it, he can’t do forest school (which he loves) and stays in the room without his friends. I do think encouraging him is the right thing to do. If he was showing absolutely no signs fair enough but I do think he can.

Pushing him to toilet train because he won’t be able to do forest school isn’t really the right way to go about it. Wait until he’s ready.

Nevermind31 · 22/12/2023 17:48

I think it is quite unfair to put nursery through that.
have they said that they think he is ready?

29andLost · 22/12/2023 17:49

Honestly op, I would just go back to nappies.
He is only 3, however much people like to say he should be toilet trained by now, he is still tiny.
My son was 4 when he was toilet trained and it took 4 days, by day 5 he didn't have an accident and was dry at night
My daughter was 4.5 years old and it took three months. They are all different but why stress yourself

margotrose · 22/12/2023 17:49

The thing is, if he was ready, he wouldn't be having five accidents in a day. He'd be telling someone he needed a wee and going for one.

Yes, accidents would still happen, but they would be because he couldn't hold it until he got to the potty rather than because he hadn't said he needed to go at all.

StarlightLime · 22/12/2023 17:50

I'm surprised they allow you to send him in in pants, when he clearly has no concept of what to do when he feels the urge. He's nowhere near ready.

Original poster
Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 17:51

Any nursery that told me I was not allowed to send my own child in pants would not be getting my custom. However they have been encouraging re potty training. I do think today was a one off - five accidents isn’t typical at all.

OP posts:
Didimum · 22/12/2023 17:51

I’m sure your son is ready, OP. Some parents can be a bit precious about ‘readiness’. If your son is three he is most definitely able to potty train.

If you don’t use Oh Crap (which is your choice) then it may take a bit more time to establish as it’s likely less regimented.

Was this just one day at nursery or is it very frequent? Nursery is very distracted and children often won’t self initiate there as much as at home (or at all!). You could try sending him in commando and in very loose trousers (as per Oh Crap method) as it helps them recognise the sensation of needing to pee more.

Good luck!

Original poster
Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 17:51

And if he’s ’nowhere near’ ready he’ll be starting school in nappies and I’ll be one of the mums the daily mail rant about 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 17:52

I might try that in the new yeat @Didimum , thanks.

OP posts:
margotrose · 22/12/2023 17:52

Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 17:51

And if he’s ’nowhere near’ ready he’ll be starting school in nappies and I’ll be one of the mums the daily mail rant about 😭

He's three years old.

You're putting way too much pressure on yourself. Relax.

HolidaysPleaseNow · 22/12/2023 17:53

To be fair, I have a child who has been toilet trained for two years now. She STILL doesn't initiate going to the toilet. She never has accidents though and never has, she can hold the toilet for hours and hours. But she only eventually goes when she's made to.

So for some kids, this is how they are. You can't just keep a kid in nappies forever till they tick every box

idontlikealdi · 22/12/2023 17:53

What are you doing
Over Christmas, can you hunker down, pants off or are you travelling around etc? If the latter
You need to pause it way too much for him to cope with. Take a week off in jan and focus on it.

macaronicheezepleeze · 22/12/2023 17:54

Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 17:51

And if he’s ’nowhere near’ ready he’ll be starting school in nappies and I’ll be one of the mums the daily mail rant about 😭

A matter of weeks and months can mean a world of difference in a child's development. Even more so usually with little boys.

You're getting carried away because September doesn't seem that far off to you. It's a long way off for your son. You've plenty of time.

But anything that is adding stress to the mix will not be helping him.

29andLost · 22/12/2023 17:54

Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 17:51

And if he’s ’nowhere near’ ready he’ll be starting school in nappies and I’ll be one of the mums the daily mail rant about 😭

Yeah, you do realise EVERYONE of us parents here have had the same thought? Lol
Except for the most part, that is literally never the case

Original poster
Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 17:54

That sounds very similar to ds @HolidaysPleaseNow . I do think he’s ready but if I waited for I need a wee mummy he’d be in year 4!

OP posts:
tiggergoesbounce · 22/12/2023 17:55

Just wondering what bits of the "oh crap" method you don't like??
It might help to give advice around it.

We used the book and our DS was done at 22 months in 7 days. Then at night time 2 months later

I agree in not going back to nappies now, and pull ups are nappies, but i do think you need to get a method in your head to help set him nail it.

What is your current method? Like Where do you keep the potty? What is he wearing ? Has he ever intiated ?

T0rt0ise · 22/12/2023 17:57

Personally I would ignore those saying he's not ready. I trained both of mine at 18 months, the youngest was dry night and day by 20 months, the eldest went through periods of being great, then would regress (his sister was born when he was 21 months so not surprising), then would be fine again and was dry night and day by 2.5 (I left night nappies on too long which confused him). So many people said both of mine were to young 🤷

You are not harming your son by teaching him a new skill (and that's what potty training is, you teach them how to eat/draw/write and either actively or passively where to poo and pee). If he's struggling with focus I would offer a smarty every time he uses the toilet (both prompted or unprompted). I wouldn't put him back in nappies at nursery (inevitably if my son was having an accident after he hit 2yo it was at nursery) but I would accept that he will learn at nursery in a different way to how he learns at home and just let them crack on with it (and have a glass of wine whilst doing the washing 😉).

tiggergoesbounce · 22/12/2023 17:57

IME people say they aren’t ready when they aren’t prepared to invest the time and energy into making it happen. Kids potty train later and later.

I do tend to agree, there is such a small percentage of kids who medically cant train.

Sunnydays41 · 22/12/2023 17:58

LetMeOut2021 · 22/12/2023 16:49

My little boy is 2 years 4 months. He’s been potty training for the last two months. Some days/weeks he has zero accidents. Sometimes a dribble, one or two. Last week he also had 5 in a day. Potty training isn’t linear. Your son will likely continue to have accidents for several months. Regression is common in potty training too. It’s not necessarily the staffs fault.

Why would you want to spend that much effort doing it though?!

Both of mine were literally dry within a day. DC1 was 2 years 9 months and DC2 was 3 years 3 months (was 'ready' before that, but had a potty phobia!).

I can count on one hand how many accidents they each had after being trained.

NannyElle · 22/12/2023 17:59

I've potty trained many children over my years in childcare and if you've been trying for this long and he's not potty trained yet then he simply isn't ready. I would put nappies back on and try again in a couple of months, it's just stressing out everyone involved for no reason. Also I know you've said you don't want to use it but the "oh crap" is the most effective in my experience

LetMeOut2021 · 22/12/2023 17:59

Sunnydays41 · 22/12/2023 17:58

Why would you want to spend that much effort doing it though?!

Both of mine were literally dry within a day. DC1 was 2 years 9 months and DC2 was 3 years 3 months (was 'ready' before that, but had a potty phobia!).

I can count on one hand how many accidents they each had after being trained.

Edited
Show quote history

because it’s part of the learning process?

Because it’s totally normal?

because one bad day doesn’t outweigh two months?

At home he’s been totally dry including overnight. I don’t consider the odd bad day to outweigh all the benefits of otherwise being potty trained.

Torganer · 22/12/2023 18:00

We trained ours over a long weekend just before they turned 2. Have you tried not putting them in pants, just loose trousers. We did this and nursery were happy to follow this. Pants can feel like a nappy. We did this for a month, then started pants. We did have a few accidents when they started wearing pants, but overall it’s been really easy.

Riverstep · 22/12/2023 18:01

I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if I’m repeating . When toilet training, I took a weeks annual leave and stayed at home with my DCs, where there was always access to a potty. Set off with no pants on and built up from there. I felt that initially, me being there as a constant, without a load of other stuff going on around them was a good way to get started.

RidingMyBike · 22/12/2023 18:02

Mine was ready a bit after age three and was potty trained within a couple of days without accidents or problems at nursery.

A lot of friends who said they trained earlier had multiple accidents for weeks and did a huge amount of laundry so I don't think they actually were potty trained?!

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