Walked out of family Christmas lunch and cancelled plans for Xmas day as felt ignored

[Wensleydales]

Big family lunch today , MIL kept saying how she thought I looked ‘pale’ and ‘unwell’ going on about why I wasn’t drinking etc etc etc. just generally being irritating and critical.

In the end I told her the truth ( I hadn’t wanted to ruin a family event with bad news) that I’d had a MC a couple of weeks ago . When I said she said nothing ?? Started telling me that actually I just hadn’t been eating properly I thought maybe she hadn’t heard ?? So I explained again and she just said nothing then walked off to talk to SIL??

I burst into tears . We left and dh called her when home and she tried to ignore it again - he then asked her what the issue was with her acknowledging it? She proceeded to say women find out too early now (I had told her I was 12 weeks???) and it’s no more than a heavy period and she can’t entertain my attention seeking over that .

Im so upset that we’ve said we are not hosting them on Xmas day now

She's evil. I'd find it really difficult ever being civil to her again after that. I'm so sorry for your loss.

@Wensleydales so all she is really worried about is having to go out and buy some food for her and her husband to eat on christmas day!!!! she is a really nasty individual! No contact would still be too good for her!! i certainly wouldnt be speaking to her ever again and I would hope your hubby feels the same. she is trying to make him feel guilty!

This is one of the worst MIL stories I've read.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry for you loss 💔

Your DH is an incredible person, it’s so hard to step away from that toxic behaviour and call her out.
Im sorry that you went through such a traumatic experience. I can’t believe your MIL tried to minimise your experience, that’s disgusting.

Hope you DH will support you in totally hung no contact - how dare she -what a botch

OP, I’m really sorry for your loss. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that by your in laws.

I agree with others and think you’ve done the right thing uninviting these people. I think it’s so pathetic that your FIL has called to make his food shopping your issue. There is no let up in insensitivity is there? That would cement it for me. You sound like you’ll have a wonderfully peaceful day. Take care, get some rest and enjoy Christmas.

Whether she had a similar experience herself in the past or not, her reactions to your distress, from minimising it, blaming you, saying she's unwell now, worrying about her christmas dinner because YOU let HER down ie. playng the victim, are all textbook moves of a narcissist. I hope your husband can stay firm with them.

What a horrible woman. And well done dh for saying exactly what he should have to her.

Oh god, I’m so sorry. You’ve just been through one of the toughest experiences anyone can go through with your DH, and then to have it both completely invalidated, and then blamed for causing it yourself…fucking hell. And then they tried to make you feel bad for how SHE felt? Get to fuck! I’m so sorry they have put you through this and I very much hope their local shops are out of anything resembling good Christmas food. May the last box of crumble-topped mince pies be bought by the person in front of them. I hope you have a lovely, restful Christmas with your DH, and are able to heal a little from what you’ve had to endure recently.

So she tried to dig for info about whether you were pregnant, by insulting you.

She then completely ignored you when you told her that you've recently had a MC.

When questioned, she blames you for it.

And all she cares about is the fact that she's missing a fucking Christmas dinner?!!

🌺

FWIW @Wensleydales what a bitch. 🤬

I had a mc earlier this year and it was very traumatic for me. I understand and I am so sorry for your loss.
I applaud you for putting on a brave face and showing up at in-laws in the first place when you are feeling so vulnerable. 👏
Sending love. 🩷

DH sounds like a keeper. Sorry for your loss xx

I got to the end of your OP and wow, she’s a cow. And to say that again on the phone. You did the right thing cancelling them coming. And I love your DH for having your back.

Dont even reply to any messages. They are more than capable of taking themselves to any supermarket. You can always get a Turkey and veg even Christmas Eve. Not your problem

Everyone has unresolved trauma it doesn't give anyone the right to be cruel

She’s a heartless cow. Screw her Christmas shop - she can sort it herself. And her text sounds a lot like she’s blaming you for your own miscarriage from stressing so she can fuck off with that as well.

I’m so sorry OP. She’s a cow….get her out and keep her out of your life.

What a terrIble thing to say. I wouldn’t be speaking to her again after that. It’s true women do find out earlier than previous generations, but that’s no reason to be dismissive. She needs to realise what a cow she has been and even then, I wouldn’t be wanting to ever set eyes on her again.

My sincere sympathy OP. I’ve been there and can truly empathise with your grief as anyone with any imagination and half a heart should.
How easy for her to just say she’s sorry and how can she help.
Your DH is a keeper having your back like that.
Acquiring food for Christmas is nothing compared with your concerns and maybe it will result in some introspection on her part, though I’m not holding my breath.
May 2025 bring you much happiness.

Sorry for your loss
she is very wrong

Wow, I've heard everything now I can't imagine how you must have felt sat there listening to her! I hope your husband stands his ground and you don't host Christmas for them, you are not overreacting or being unreasonable at all. I hope you manage to have a lovely relaxing Christmas x

That isn't an apology. Many woman know your heartbreak I'm really sorry OP. I'd call Christmas off altogether and stay in your jammies watch TV and eat crap.

FUCK her! I’m livid on your behalf.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you get your rainbow baby soon ❤️