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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 8pm is too late to eat our turkey on Christmas Day

228 replies

Pinkevie · 22/12/2023 14:44

My in-laws are hosting xmas day this year and two days ago my husband announced that they are not expecting us to turn up until 6pm and will be serving the turkey at 8pm. (We live nearby so will be walking over). For me this feels ludicrously late in the day to enjoy the festive roast, especially as our 11 and 14 year old will be up at the crack of dawn and so we'll have been up for hours at this point. I think I'm going to be nodding off in the gravy. My mum is also joining us and suffers with terrible heartburn, she thinks she's going to have to forego a decent portion or face being up in agony all night. I could accept eating the meal at 6pm but 8pm feels so late. My husband says as his parents are providing the meal this year we have to go with a timetable that suits them and it will stress out his 80 year old mum if he mentions I want it to a bit earlier. A late meal has always been her preference. I get on well with her and don't want to upset her but think she would see reason if he broached the issue tactfully but he is refusing to do so and has forbidden me from asking her. I feel to bring it forward by a couple of hours would be a reasonable compromise. They'd still have plenty of time to prepare the meal at a leisurely pace but we wouldn't be hanging around all day before we can properly enjoy the festivities. I also think it's nice to enjoy a family game of charades or similar after christmas dinner but don't think we'll have time if we're starting so late. Curious to see what others think.

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 22/12/2023 14:46

Given you knew a late meal is always her preference, I think you should have said something when accepting the invite. As it is, I think you will have to eat at 8 but I wouldn’t be accepting another invite for a meal at an inconvenient time.

HaPPy8 · 22/12/2023 14:47

You can’t really dictate to a host when they serve a meal. I would also find it late but it is what it is!

its Brilliant his 80 year old mother is doing it all really!

ChristmasTreeMagic · 22/12/2023 14:48

Can't you just be flexible for one meal in the year? And 11 & 14 is old enough not to be up at the crack of dawn. Or if they are then you could all have a siesta in the afternoon

We rarely eat before 8pm any day of ykr year & often had Christmas Dinner at that time

Moveoverdarlin · 22/12/2023 14:49

Yeah it’s very late.

AvengedQuince · 22/12/2023 14:49

6pm would be the absolute latest I'd want to start eating. I could only eat a light meal at 8pm. Can you do your own lunch then walk around for pudding as supper instead?

zurala · 22/12/2023 14:50

Normally 8 would be our dinner time but at Christmas we have the main meal at 1pm then a lighter dinner around 6.
8pm for a full Christmas meal is incredibly late and you'll be eating dessert at 10pm. That's if it even makes the table on time.
I think your DH should request an earlier start time, maybe 7?

TomatoSandwiches · 22/12/2023 14:50

It is not ideal and a bit rude but it is only for one meal, just make sure you have a good lunch and or snack before hand.

Lizzieregina · 22/12/2023 14:50

I’d hate it (and DH would probably be asleep!) but unfortunately you don’t get to dictate timeframes if you’re not hosting. And you are aware that this is her MO, so the time to consider this would have been when you got the invitation. Not sure what you could have done about it then except decline.

Hearmenow23 · 22/12/2023 14:50

I disagree- it's your Xmas too and that's way too late. That's supper, not dinner. I would definitely speak to her and adjust the timing, and also be hands on so she doesn't get stressed.

DragonFly98 · 22/12/2023 14:51

zurala · 22/12/2023 14:50

Normally 8 would be our dinner time but at Christmas we have the main meal at 1pm then a lighter dinner around 6.
8pm for a full Christmas meal is incredibly late and you'll be eating dessert at 10pm. That's if it even makes the table on time.
I think your DH should request an earlier start time, maybe 7?

When do you sleep and do you not have children?

Hearmenow23 · 22/12/2023 14:52

Also, just blame it on the dc.

AyeDeadOn · 22/12/2023 14:52

It's ridiculously late for Christmas dinner to start.

SecondUsername4me · 22/12/2023 14:52

Have you eaten at hers before? Is she an over or under caterer? If she normally serves smaller portions, I'd just do a full Roast at your own home at 1pm, then wander down to MILs at 6.30 and have her meal as evening nibbles.

AvengedQuince · 22/12/2023 14:52

We rarely eat before 8pm any day of ykr year & often had Christmas Dinner at that time

Do you never have a Sunday lunch? Christmas is a late lunch for most people I know.

SecondUsername4me · 22/12/2023 14:53

By 8pm on Christmas day I want to be in my pjs on the couch, right hand round a glass of fizz and left hand in a box of After 8s

ManateeFair · 22/12/2023 14:55

My husband says as his parents are providing the meal this year we have to go with a timetable that suits them

Well, yes, he's right I'm afraid.

I probably wouldn't choose to eat Christmas dinner at 8pm either! But if I'd accepted an invitation to someone's house and that was the time they were serving it, then I'd accept that and make it work. If you want to have Christmas your way then you need to host it.

I think at the ages of 11 and 14, your kids should be capable of a) not waking you up at the crack of dawn, and b) staying up late after an evening meal, so hopefully you can make this work one way or another. Maybe you could have a really nice Christmas brunch with your mum and the kids and have a chilled, casual day, maybe some nibbles in the afternoon, and then get dressed up later to go over to your in-laws? Might actually quite nice for the kids to feel like they're going to a grown-up dinner... or at least, that's how you could try to sell it to them!

I guess this way, at least you can have a relaxing day with the kids, maybe watch a film or play games, and the kids can enjoy their presents and so on uninterrupted before heading over to the grandparents. Maybe it's not ideal but I'm sure you can make it work.

Original poster
Pinkevie · 22/12/2023 14:56

I wish my husband had said something at the time we accepted the invite! He only just passed the timings on to me. I knew their preference was to eat later but we have always done it a bit earlier since the kids were born so I didn't spell it out to him, just assumed he/his parents would factor in the kids. Realise they're not tiny any more but they still get super excited and wake up v early (especially my son who has adhd) and so will either be ravenous by 8pm or totally past it (having filled up with selection boxes all day!)

OP posts:
SwedishEdith · 22/12/2023 14:57

Given your kids are 11 and 14, has she not hosted before? I think Christmas dinner is so heavy, that early to eat it works better. Not sure I like your husband's attitude either if you get on well with your MIL

RafaistheKingofClay · 22/12/2023 14:57

7.30/8pm was when we had ours growing up. Maybe ask if 7.15/7.30 is possible.I don’t think you can ask them to bring it forwards 2hrs to 6.

samestyle · 22/12/2023 14:58

It's very late for Christmas dinner, perhaps you could do a good sized Christmas lunch before you go, I'd be starving otherwise

pinkspeakers · 22/12/2023 14:58

Hmmm. My preference for Xmas dinner would be earlier, but we normally eat dinner at 8pm at home (and certainly if eating out) so I could definitely get my head around a late Xmas dinner. It does mean you can have a nice leisurely day. Get up late, big festive breakfast, go for a walk, play games, watch a film, and still see ILs in the evening. I'd suggest to her doing it a bit earlier, not least so you get to spend more time with her, but in the end if she is hosting and think she gets to say what time she is comfortable with. It's not as if you have young children (in which case, I think you would have a point). I assume you have offered plenty of help contributing to dinner to reduce her stress...

DPotter · 22/12/2023 14:59

So you have a nice lunch instead - not a full Christmas roasty but something substantial to last you until 8. That way too your Mum can eat something and just nibble in the evening.

DontKaleMyVibe · 22/12/2023 15:02

We usually have our dinner at 7.30/8, so this doesn't seem late to me.
Guess it depends on whether you're expecting a Christmas dinner(evening meal) or lunch(middle of the day meal). I would just plan a nice lunch to have at lunch time personally.

TheSnowyOwl · 22/12/2023 15:03

Pinkevie · 22/12/2023 14:56

I wish my husband had said something at the time we accepted the invite! He only just passed the timings on to me. I knew their preference was to eat later but we have always done it a bit earlier since the kids were born so I didn't spell it out to him, just assumed he/his parents would factor in the kids. Realise they're not tiny any more but they still get super excited and wake up v early (especially my son who has adhd) and so will either be ravenous by 8pm or totally past it (having filled up with selection boxes all day!)

I’d give your children a large lunch, big afternoon snack and then they should manage to 8 - but if not, the selection box will do the job!

Elphamouche · 22/12/2023 15:10

Christ some nights we don’t have dinner until midnight… it’s one day. It’s fine.