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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 8pm is too late to eat our turkey on Christmas Day

228 replies

Pinkevie · 22/12/2023 14:44

My in-laws are hosting xmas day this year and two days ago my husband announced that they are not expecting us to turn up until 6pm and will be serving the turkey at 8pm. (We live nearby so will be walking over). For me this feels ludicrously late in the day to enjoy the festive roast, especially as our 11 and 14 year old will be up at the crack of dawn and so we'll have been up for hours at this point. I think I'm going to be nodding off in the gravy. My mum is also joining us and suffers with terrible heartburn, she thinks she's going to have to forego a decent portion or face being up in agony all night. I could accept eating the meal at 6pm but 8pm feels so late. My husband says as his parents are providing the meal this year we have to go with a timetable that suits them and it will stress out his 80 year old mum if he mentions I want it to a bit earlier. A late meal has always been her preference. I get on well with her and don't want to upset her but think she would see reason if he broached the issue tactfully but he is refusing to do so and has forbidden me from asking her. I feel to bring it forward by a couple of hours would be a reasonable compromise. They'd still have plenty of time to prepare the meal at a leisurely pace but we wouldn't be hanging around all day before we can properly enjoy the festivities. I also think it's nice to enjoy a family game of charades or similar after christmas dinner but don't think we'll have time if we're starting so late. Curious to see what others think.

OP posts:
tara66 · 22/12/2023 15:13

An 80 year old making a full Xmas dinner for several people is doing very well whatever time it gets served!

GeekyDiva80 · 22/12/2023 15:15

That's the time my 3 year old eats dinner normally! We are all night owls 😂. So for me that would be fine.

Why don't you have a mini Xmas lunch at 2ish, cheeseboard and nibbles to keep you all going till then.

Delatron · 22/12/2023 15:18

Just reframe it in your head. You are going to theirs for a dinner but will have Christmas lunch at yours. Then have a lovely day with your kids and Mum.

The in-laws are really missing out (maybe on purpose) by not inviting you over until 6. The whole of Christmas Day has practically gone.
Then just eat to hunger at their house and leave early if the kids need to go. It’s their loss/choice to see so little of you on the day.

Doggymummar · 22/12/2023 15:19

I would assume it's not the roast turkey etc at that time, just champagne and nibbles, cheese and port etc. why not have her to yours for the Christmas lunch then all back to hers with leftovers for supper?

Ohtobetwentytwo · 22/12/2023 15:19

I would hate that. So much.

But I would go along with it and try to be positive. Eat what you fancy in the day and treat it like supper. Maybe even have your own at lunchtime.

budgiegirl · 22/12/2023 15:19

It's a more unusual time to have Christmas dinner, but it's not all that late to eat. It's very normal to go out to a restaurant for 8pm, which means you would be eating from about 8.30pm, so it's not an unreasonable time.

It may not be how you would usually have your Christmas Day, but you're not hosting, so you can't really dictate the time you eat. Just see it as time to have a nice day with your kids, then go for a meal in the evening with the in-laws.

AvengedQuince · 22/12/2023 15:22

We could eat lunch then dinner at 8pm, I don't think that's a problem. However, we couldn't eat a normal sized Christmas Dinner with pudding that late. I think I'd be up past midnight and still struggling to sleep, which wouldn't be fun after an early start Christmas morning. So I'd eat a light dinner meaning I wouldn't get to enjoy it the same and may upset the hosts by not eating much.

TeenDivided · 22/12/2023 15:22

They are hardly 'hosting Christmas' if they don't want you until 6pm are they?
I'll be half asleep by 8pm.

I'd go for the 'do your own meal at 1pm' option then go to theirs for a v.small meal.

crumblingschools · 22/12/2023 15:23

How come an 80yo is being expected to host?

Ponderingwindow · 22/12/2023 15:23

You will just need to also have a midday meal at your home. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate roast dinner, but something substantial and festive would be a good idea.

bigTillyMint · 22/12/2023 15:24

I agree, 8pm is late for Christmas dinner - everyone will surely be full of nibbles and sweets by then and not really hungry anyway.

Is your MIL really happy to be cooking a big Christmas meal - surely at 80 most people would be hoping that someone would invite them round to eat on Christmas Day!

Danielle9891 · 22/12/2023 15:24

That really is late isn't it.
It's not really the same but my partner is working on Christmas 1-10 so he'll be having his Xmas dinner once he's home. I've bought a beef joint (I'll do it in the slow cooker overnight) and I'm going to make some roasties and pigs in blankets for his lunch. Me and my daughter will get our Christmas dinner at my MILs at 4pm and take his home for him after work. There's no way I could eat such a big meal that time of night. I'm pregnant and the heartburn would be bad for days.

Maybe it's best if you do a nice lunch for them at around 1-2 to put them over.

Sproutier · 22/12/2023 15:24

I think you just need to go with what works for the hosts and adjust your other stuff around it. Have proper food for lunch, eat it on the late side, don't starve yourselves for dinner. Maybe have what you'd normally do for tea after a lunchtime Christmas dinner.

It's unfortunate for your mum, maybe planning a late night would help? I think if your hosts had been open to negotiating the time, they would have asked you. Maybe they just want to enjoy a bit of Christmas Day at leisure before starting the cooking.

Anywherebuthere · 22/12/2023 15:25

Its just one day, one meal.
It's kind of her to host especially at her age.

Maybe your mum could have a snack or light meal earlier in the day before the late meal. Then just have small serving of the meal at 8?

Celebrationsnakes · 22/12/2023 15:25

That's far too late and i wouldn't enjoy it. I'd decline the invite and do my own.

bonzaitree · 22/12/2023 15:27

I wouldn’t like that just because I want to overeat and I know I’d still be stuffed at 12 midnight when trying to sleep lol!

If dinner is earlier you at least have a chance to digest it!

OhmygodDont · 22/12/2023 15:30

By 8pm Christmas Day half my house is asleep or barely clinging on.

Now I can eat late often gone 10pm but that’s chicken and rice and such not a full on Christmas dinner that’s a big heavy meal. I’d end up being up and down from bed all night pooping too after all the Brussels 😂🫣

GrumpyPanda · 22/12/2023 15:32

YABU to let an 80 year old host an entire holiday meal by herself. At a minimum it should be a team effort, which would in turn make it easier for you to be heard on timing. We always had Christmas dinner at my parents on account of space but I did most of the cooking. After their move into assisted living my sis has taken on the hosting; I still do the roast at my mum's and bring it over in aluminium foil with the potatoes and celeriac puree. Easy, and everybody's voice is listened to.

Original poster
Pinkevie · 22/12/2023 15:33

I take your point re her age, but she is a sprightly 80 year old and shares the cooking with my father in law and brother in law will be helping too. We all take it in turns to host but think we might do it ourselves from now on...

OP posts:
LakieLady · 22/12/2023 15:37

8pm would be too late for me.

It doesn't leave a lot of time for lolling about eating chocs, drinking and watching crap on tv.

spanishviola · 22/12/2023 15:37

I think it is too late. I’d be full from snacking to keep hunger at bay and probably drunk too much wine by then. I also can’t eat late due to heartburn so I sympathise with your mum. I want to be on the sofa watching a film by that time.

MojoDojoCasaHouse · 22/12/2023 15:37

I would hate this OP. We do family thing in the afternoon and are home in comfy clothes with the cheeseboard and the TV by 8.00. I can happily eat at 8.00 on any other day if the year but not Christmas Day when we’re all shattered and having been slowly drinking all day.

BeadedBubbles · 22/12/2023 15:37

As others have said - do a really nice Xmas lunch at yours and just view your MIL's meal as supper. She can hardly expect you to eat a huge amount at that time.

When I have my adult dcs staying I always ask them what time they'd like to eat.

Whataretheodds · 22/12/2023 15:37

I was going to say I'd find it weird if you couldn't at least have the conversation, but she's 80 and cooking for you, and the kids are 11 and 14 - old enough to sleep in or be sent for a siesta/quiet time.

I think if you want to choose the time you host.

CharmedCult · 22/12/2023 15:37

Is this the first time you’ve ever been to theirs for Christmas dinner?

Have they previously hosted you earlier on Christmas Day and suddenly changed the time this year?

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