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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 8pm is too late to eat our turkey on Christmas Day

228 replies

Pinkevie · 22/12/2023 14:44

My in-laws are hosting xmas day this year and two days ago my husband announced that they are not expecting us to turn up until 6pm and will be serving the turkey at 8pm. (We live nearby so will be walking over). For me this feels ludicrously late in the day to enjoy the festive roast, especially as our 11 and 14 year old will be up at the crack of dawn and so we'll have been up for hours at this point. I think I'm going to be nodding off in the gravy. My mum is also joining us and suffers with terrible heartburn, she thinks she's going to have to forego a decent portion or face being up in agony all night. I could accept eating the meal at 6pm but 8pm feels so late. My husband says as his parents are providing the meal this year we have to go with a timetable that suits them and it will stress out his 80 year old mum if he mentions I want it to a bit earlier. A late meal has always been her preference. I get on well with her and don't want to upset her but think she would see reason if he broached the issue tactfully but he is refusing to do so and has forbidden me from asking her. I feel to bring it forward by a couple of hours would be a reasonable compromise. They'd still have plenty of time to prepare the meal at a leisurely pace but we wouldn't be hanging around all day before we can properly enjoy the festivities. I also think it's nice to enjoy a family game of charades or similar after christmas dinner but don't think we'll have time if we're starting so late. Curious to see what others think.

OP posts:
mfbx5sf3 · 22/12/2023 15:58

I would prepare my own Christmas dinner for noon and then treat the later meal as a supper.

AvengedQuince · 22/12/2023 16:00

@PictureOfAPig
I think it's that most people do not eat Christmas Dinner at their normal dinner time as it is a big dinner with pudding, then maybe alcohol, coffees, chocolates to follow.

Mirabai · 22/12/2023 16:01

We used to dine around 8 on Christmas Day, we’d do black tie and make it really glam. It was fun. Eight is not too late to eat on any other day!

eatdrinkandbemerry · 22/12/2023 16:01

It's a late meal (i have mine at 12) and I wouldn't be able to eat much at that time but it's one day🤷‍♀️.
I'd just suck it up

gamerchick · 22/12/2023 16:02

It's your husband to blame here. He's sprung it on you there

You'll either have to send him alone so tell them to cook less and you shoot off for a Christmas dinner or you have a meal around 1, you'll be hungry again by the time you get there.

Next year, no invitation to go to theirs apart from a visit.

Namechangedagain20 · 22/12/2023 16:03

Just have two Christmas dinners. Do an earlier Christmas lunch with your mom at 2/3ish so that she can eat earlier, then she can either not go or have a small potion at your MILs. Your teenagers aren’t going to be going to sleep at 8 even if they’ve been up early.

Hoglet70 · 22/12/2023 16:04

I'd be awake all night if I ate at 8pm - also I would graze all day and then not want my dinner when I finally got it. I appreciate it is just one day and you'll have to just suck it up but it wouldn't suit me either.

Hyperfender · 22/12/2023 16:04

With kindness your child will not be 'ravenous', you have notice of how late the meal is, and so will have ample opportunity to feed your child and so avoid this happening. As for your mum being in agony with heartburn, I'm sure she will have medication for this as it's an ongoing issue, and the medication isn't time sensitive.
I think the best thing you can do is offer to help and see if that changes anything.

gamerchick · 22/12/2023 16:04

Good for those who line to go to to bed on a super full stomach but in the normal land where heartburn and shit exists, 8pm is too fucking late for a massive meal.

LenaLamont · 22/12/2023 16:04

They are hosting so they get to decide what time the meal is served.

It's quite common to have a meal in a restaurant at 8, so why can't you manage an 8pm Christmas meal just this once.

Ours it usually 6 or 7 ish, but has been after 9 when we had to accomodate someone on shift work. In-laws have it ar 2pm on the dot. Each groups agrees to whatever works for whomever is hosting.

pinkspeakers · 22/12/2023 16:04

All those people who say they couldn't possibly eat a big dinner at 8pm, what time do you eat if you go out to a restaurant? Or to someone's house for dinner? Different with small children, I understand. And I also note that OP's child with autism and ADHD might find it harder. But most people seem to be focusing on finding it hard themselves?

PersephonePomegranate23 · 22/12/2023 16:05

It's one day! Have you really never had dinner at 8pm before?

Have an afternoon nap, if you must.

Hoglet70 · 22/12/2023 16:07

pinkspeakers · 22/12/2023 16:04

All those people who say they couldn't possibly eat a big dinner at 8pm, what time do you eat if you go out to a restaurant? Or to someone's house for dinner? Different with small children, I understand. And I also note that OP's child with autism and ADHD might find it harder. But most people seem to be focusing on finding it hard themselves?

I'd eat something really small at 8pm not a massive Christmas dinner.

PersephonePomegranate23 · 22/12/2023 16:07

Good for those who line to go to to bed on a super full stomach but in the normal land where heartburn and shit exists, 8pm is too fucking late for a massive meal.

Go to bed late then. It's Christmas fucking day.

HMW1906 · 22/12/2023 16:07

It is very late.

I’d probably get hold of the stuff to do a Xmas lunch at lunchtime with your family and mum then just go round and have a small portion of their meal.

bellac11 · 22/12/2023 16:08

gamerchick · 22/12/2023 16:04

Good for those who line to go to to bed on a super full stomach but in the normal land where heartburn and shit exists, 8pm is too fucking late for a massive meal.

I suffer with stuff like that, GERD, just go to bed later. And sit up in bed, dont lie down

We are late eaters, I dont like booking tables before 8 if we go out.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 22/12/2023 16:09

It'll lay heavy on you

pinkspeakers · 22/12/2023 16:10

Also, all those people saying that by 8pm on Xmas Day, they are already shattered, falling asleep etc. Surely that is because you have prepared and eaten a big meal at 1 or 2pm? Why would you be falling asleep at that time if you've just had a nice relaxed day? In fact, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea that if someone else was cooking dinner for me nearby (sadly, they are not) then it would be a proper evening meal). It's actually the fact that i'm cooking it which means I prefer doing it earlier.

bellac11 · 22/12/2023 16:10

gamerchick · 22/12/2023 16:02

It's your husband to blame here. He's sprung it on you there

You'll either have to send him alone so tell them to cook less and you shoot off for a Christmas dinner or you have a meal around 1, you'll be hungry again by the time you get there.

Next year, no invitation to go to theirs apart from a visit.

No one is to 'blame' are they

Why so keen to find someone to blame, particularly the husband?

Its just a circumstance that the OP doesnt like, she can manage it for one day

AvengedQuince · 22/12/2023 16:12

pinkspeakers · 22/12/2023 16:04

All those people who say they couldn't possibly eat a big dinner at 8pm, what time do you eat if you go out to a restaurant? Or to someone's house for dinner? Different with small children, I understand. And I also note that OP's child with autism and ADHD might find it harder. But most people seem to be focusing on finding it hard themselves?

Usually about 7pm and I wouldn't have anything comparable to Christmas dinner and pudding after. It would be some shared starters and a main with a couple of drinks.

MarryingMrDarcy · 22/12/2023 16:13

Also - to those saying it’s a normal time to have dinner. Sure, 8pm is generally fine but this is Christmas dinner which for the majority is probably the largest meal you will eat all year. It’s not like a midweek pasta bake.

Gettingbysomehow · 22/12/2023 16:14

I couldn't stand that. If I eat after 5 I'm up all night with horrendous gastric burning.

MarryingMrDarcy · 22/12/2023 16:15

pinkspeakers · 22/12/2023 16:10

Also, all those people saying that by 8pm on Xmas Day, they are already shattered, falling asleep etc. Surely that is because you have prepared and eaten a big meal at 1 or 2pm? Why would you be falling asleep at that time if you've just had a nice relaxed day? In fact, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea that if someone else was cooking dinner for me nearby (sadly, they are not) then it would be a proper evening meal). It's actually the fact that i'm cooking it which means I prefer doing it earlier.

I’ll be falling asleep but that’s because I will hopefully have been drinking all day long!

AvengedQuince · 22/12/2023 16:15

MarryingMrDarcy · 22/12/2023 16:13

Also - to those saying it’s a normal time to have dinner. Sure, 8pm is generally fine but this is Christmas dinner which for the majority is probably the largest meal you will eat all year. It’s not like a midweek pasta bake.

Exactly!

megletthesecond · 22/12/2023 16:16

Yanbu. It's miserably late. I'd have to have a micro portion of it that time of day.

We eat around 2pm. Basically, I want to be done by the time the King's speech starts then get out for a walk.