To think 8pm is too late to eat our turkey on Christmas Day

[Pinkevie]

My in-laws are hosting xmas day this year and two days ago my husband announced that they are not expecting us to turn up until 6pm and will be serving the turkey at 8pm. (We live nearby so will be walking over). For me this feels ludicrously late in the day to enjoy the festive roast, especially as our 11 and 14 year old will be up at the crack of dawn and so we'll have been up for hours at this point. I think I'm going to be nodding off in the gravy. My mum is also joining us and suffers with terrible heartburn, she thinks she's going to have to forego a decent portion or face being up in agony all night. I could accept eating the meal at 6pm but 8pm feels so late. My husband says as his parents are providing the meal this year we have to go with a timetable that suits them and it will stress out his 80 year old mum if he mentions I want it to a bit earlier. A late meal has always been her preference. I get on well with her and don't want to upset her but think she would see reason if he broached the issue tactfully but he is refusing to do so and has forbidden me from asking her. I feel to bring it forward by a couple of hours would be a reasonable compromise. They'd still have plenty of time to prepare the meal at a leisurely pace but we wouldn't be hanging around all day before we can properly enjoy the festivities. I also think it's nice to enjoy a family game of charades or similar after christmas dinner but don't think we'll have time if we're starting so late. Curious to see what others think.

I wouldn’t go. I couldn’t eat a big meal that late. Usually have Christmas dinner about 1:30 and have a very very light tea with a few glasses of wine.
I’d tell DH if he doesn’t ask for an earlier time then I’ll be declining the invitation tonight and be off shopping for a turkey.

I would hate it too

Yanbu

If someone was hosting me for a normal dinner I'd just accept 8pm if it's what they are kindly offering...even though the latest I'm really happy eating would be 7pm myself.

I feel like you need to just suck it up as it's so close but communicate better next year.

For what it's worth though I do agree. I would hate to eat Chrismas Dinner this late...the day is over by then! For me it goes...presents in the morning, a big lunch (usual lunchtime for me but accept some have it a bit later) and then snacks or buffet and games or relaxing in the eve. I would find the day really strange if I had to cook a random non-Christmas meal at lunchtime just so that we could have turkey later on. Hosting Christmas Day to me is the actual daytime.

Christmas dinner is rather heavier and larger than anything I’d eat at a restaurant. It’s a 4-6 hours at the table affair for me, with gals for chatting etc between courses, then cheers and coffee with liqueurs. It takes longer than a restaurant meal and leaves me fuller. I didn’t think that’s unusual. Sunday roast is traditionally lunch time for similar (but lesser) reasons.

I think it's a great opportunity to teach the kids to accommodate someone else especially when that someone is their gran. It's one meal on one day. Next time they host you'll know to say you'd prefer 7 or whatever.

Have lunch at yours at lunch time, and a small dinner at 8pm. If they are offended that you don't eat much that's on them.

4-6 hours 😱

I’d just have one course if I was eating at 8pm. A restaurant main course is about 1/4 of the size of the main course of Christmas lunch, and that’s without all the other courses. People are saying “8pm is a normal time to eat” are overlooking that the meal is ten times as big as what you’d normally eat for dinner, and takes hours and hours to digest. I eat so much for Christmas lunch that I don’t eat anything else all day, except for a few chocolates in the evening. I can’t understand how people can eat all that and then have room for another meal in the evening. I always put food out in the evening but nobody touches it because they’re still rolling round clutching their bellies. 😂

If I had Christmas dinner at 2 I’d likely still be at table not far from 8…

I feel a bit sorry for you (tongue in cheek before anyone starts). No. It’s a starter with wine. A huge roast with about 8 veg and different wine. Huge pudding (and maybe a second pud) with different wine. Cheese and biscuits with port. Coffee, mints and liqueurs. Lots of socialising.

I do agree with@Delatronthat the time your in-laws have invited you over is when Christmas Day is winding down for most! Seems like they're treating it as an adult dinner party, rather than the 'traditional roast blowout with optional games' event that squats in the middle of the day for good reason. Have they not hosted a family Xmas before?

Unfortunately as others have said I don't think you have much choice OP. If your husband won't countenance you talking to his mum about starting earlier, I guess you do have to go along with it this year and work out how best to fill the day beforehand. And keep your (entirely justified!) frustration to yourself, otherwise it will spoil things for DC and risk them behaving badly at the dinner.

Equally, you don't want a repeat next year. Your poor Mum has come off worst in all this - and she won't be the only one to suffer, I'm sure - so it's up to DH to have that conversation if/when his parents host again. It can't always be down to the women to do this emotional work!

Yes. It’s 4 courses with lots of people to chat to and then coffee and mints…anything less would be a rush.

I don’t really eat more on Christmas Day than for any other large meal. No-one’s being forced to stuff their faces!

Reading their thread it’s hardly surprising that 60% of the population is overweight or obese.

It's not one day that makes someone overweight. I'd say those saying it's too much to eat at 8pm are less likely to be overweight as they differentiate between a feast and a normal everyday dinner.

They are being invited from 6pm and turkey at 8pm. So socializing and presumably pre-dinner drinks and some kind of nibbles well before 8pm? A bit late for a family event, agreed, but really quite nice on a leisurely grown up day.

Last week was my work Christmas dinner (Oxbridge college): champagne beforehand, four courses, three different wines with dinner, daft singing interlude, chocolates etc, port/dessert wine, cheesy disco. It was 7pm drinks and 7.30pm sit down. Lots of food and drink. As much as I would have at a Xmas day dinner. Nobody thought it was an outrageously late time to start or found themselves unable to eat because it was after 8pm.

We always have Christmas dinner - like all other dinners - in the evening. I can't imagine eating a full dinner in the middle of the day.

It may be a normal time for some, but not for me! Sympathy for your mother, OP; eating a rich meal that late isn't easy when you have any sort of digestive issues or heartburn trouble. I think YANBU to wish to have the meal earlier, but since it's your husband's family and he's put his foot down, I'd just go with it this year (and this year only).

It’s not too much to eat at 8 if you eat a normal amount of food. It’s perfectly reasonable time for supper.

I wouldn't like that as, depending how you do things, it would have a knock on effect on other activities. Also I would need to stay up til the early hours after a big meal like Christmas dinner as would feel very sick otherwise. Guess it works for family of all adults but would bug me being on edge about starting the cooking all day. Prefer to get it over with so fun can commence.

I agree with you that 8pm is too late for Christmas Day dinner. BUT as you're not the host, I wouldn't say anything.

But in future, I'd decline going to their place, and if they ask why, say you all are too hungry to wait until 8pm before eating a big meal, so you'll just stay home instead.

You can’t imagine it! Really?

My grandparents always ate their main meal in the middle of the day. Normal back then and still is. Probably better for you too!

I think I’d buy something else like a ham and cook that. Serve it at 1 or 2 o clock and have a proper hot lunch with your mum and the teens . Then when you go to theirs have a small plate for politeness. Seems bit stupid really, the day is practically over at 8pm!

Dinner at 8pm isn't that late! Me and my DH both work full time and by the time DS is in bed (he has dinner at the childminders) we eat around 8:30. We aren't writhing in pain. It's totally normal among people I know too. But maybe when I'm 80 it will be a different story. I think as it's your MIL's timetable and your husband has asked you not to say anything you'll have to grin and bear it for one meal. I'd also guess most Christmas dinners aren't enormous 4 hour feasts so you won't be finished that late.

Midwinter has been a time for feasting for hundreds of years.