Do I have to do Christmas again nearly 70

[justasking111]

I'm just so tired, in pain from scoliosis and an arthritic hip. We're doing Christmas again so husband can womble off for a 💩 in his own home. He's obsessed with having a dump in his own home post a uber large lunch. My offspring think it's wonderful they don't have to cook. I'm so tired, in pain and so much still to do. I'd love to jet away to be honest. Should I just suck it up.

Also it’s hilarious that you think your DIL should do it all. Your DSs should

Course he does.

He's had you waiting on him hand and foot for decades, he doesn't want to step up does he?

Next year, middle of November, send an email round to everyone saying you're not doing Christmas this year... who would like to step up.

I'm same age as you, my DD is desperate to do it but she's renovating a house at the moment, I am hoping for next year. And I'm not in pain. I'm just bored with doing it. Although I have to say I am really looking forward to this year with them all

Just say, "I'm not hosting next year because I'm feeling too old for it now." Don't give in next year. Even if your husband says yes, call them back and say, sorry but it's a no. If they turn up because your husnands encouraged them to, then I'd make a sandwich and go to my bedroom. I'm pretty sure after cooking one Christmas dinner alone, your husband will never invite people over fir Christmas lunch again. You could ask everyone to bring something to this one. Then you don't have much to prepare?

My Nan hosted Christmas for 15 of us until she was 85. She wanted it at her house but she couldn't manage it. For the last decade we split it between the 3 families (starters / main / desserts). I went over the day before with my cousin and cleaned, set the table, did the decorations to her exacting standards! My nan was in charge of drinks and crisps. But that was because she desperately wanted to do it so we found a way. If you don't want to then say no and go on holiday.

Doubtful. Because even if he does, shit-gate cancels them all out

OK, having read your follow-up posts, it's obvious that you are not going to simply refuse to do this because you are apparently the most passive person in the history of womankind. You're also moaning about your DILs (and apparently their parents for not having homes 'where everyone was welcome') for not inviting you when they don't have any idea that you don't like hosting and your DH keeps inviting them. But apparently your sons are off the hook and it would be 'different if you had daughters' because in your world, this is all women's stuff to manage. Sorry, but you've built this world of women being martyrs for yourself and it sounds like you've brought up your sons to be just like your revolting shit-obsessed husband.

Basically, either tell your DH to fuck off, or stop complaining. You have every opportunity not to do this nonsense, but you prefer to whinge about and say 'It's what we've always done, his dad was the same' rather than just being an adult and standing up for yourself and saying no.

It's obvious that you had no intention of taking any advice on this so I'm not really sure why you bothered posting.

Time to catch something, you look very pale… (& they still have time to grab the M&S Christmas dinner).

(The OPs DH is giving me the serious ick.)

No solutions just a big hug because it sounds awful and completely unequal. 💐

The idea of arranging my life around a partner’s previous bowel movement gives me the ick. You’re paying the price of his neuroticism.

I was kind of on the same page as you - supporting your opinion of easing your load (put on by your husband by the sounds of it) and how you're entitled to step back and let other family members take over until...you took aim at your DIL rather than your sons'. Even though I take on the Christmas dinner duties when not hosted by PILs (they rotate between 4 families, so it's our turn to visit this year) and the IL's are always offered the option to eat/be hosted by us (they politely decline as feel OBLIGATED to host others). Instead they visit for a day over holidays and we 'spoil' them 😀 we class this year as our last to be hosted by them as we don't believe they should feel obligated anymore so words will be had with their other BILs (NOT DILs!). Funnily enough my OH is in support of this and you can guarantee his opinion is the same - you will also find him offering help in the kitchen, tidying up, fetching drinks (even for me, shock horror) etc my IL's are of the same generation as yourself (and as close in age and health) and their wishes are not pushed towards us DIL's (I'm the only one whom has offered to host PIL's mind) but IF ever help was required, they'd be approaching their sons'! In actual fact, when FIL was in hospital and MIL was struggling around the home, we visited with shopping - it was my OH she asked to run the hoover round whilst I sorted the dishwasher salt (she didn't know how so offered)😆 and guess who's responsibility the dishwasher usually was?? FIL!

This isn't your DIL's problem (even if is home all day! Telling her she's doing it next year, ooof.) but something that should discussed with your sons' - yes they should be more willing; your OH told to wind his neck in on volunteering your services and for heavens sake woman, use your 70 years of worldly woman knowledge to be more upfront on what you need! Set an example 😉

This has to be one of the most insane things I’ve read on here and I’ve been around a long time.
You have to host Christmas for 8-12 people against your will….so your husband can POO??????
I am stupefied

Yeah, catch “Covid” and take to your bed with a good book!

Tell each of you offspring to bring 2/3 things to the dinner, eg roast potatoes and roulade, tell them all to come an hour beforehand to heat up food and prepare table, you do turkey
Say during the day that you won’t be making Christmas next year and one of them can take a turn in hosting

This needs to go in Classics
It's hilarious 🤣

I’m an adult child who still goes back to my parents home on Christmas Day with partner and kids in tow, as do my siblings, but… we also all bring a contribution to Christmas dinner so it’s not all down to my DM. All she needs to do is bung a turkey in the oven, the rest of the food and drinks are taken care of and we’ll pitch in to set the table and clear up after. I’m shocked that none of your DC have volunteered to help, have a word OP and stop ruining your Christmas to please everyone else!

Do you wipe his arse for him as well?
I mean you might as well as he's calling all the shits....sorry..shots...

Not one is saying she can't.

WE're saying she doesn't have to.

She doesn't have to be you for the next generation. She can just say no.

Which is what you ned to learn to do, finally.

*Your sons can get off their arses and do the entertaining instead of continuing their father's misogyny and bullying.

You have come here and complained that you can't manage, that your DH invites all and sundry and expects you to run yourself ragged. Poster after poster has given you advice and pointed out that the only person who can change this is you - by expecting Owners of the Holy Penis to get off their arses and do some work.

Your response "my DiL doesn't want to do it".

What do you actually want from this thread? None of us can cure your physical problems, you are the only one who can challenge your sons' and husbands misogyny but you seem instead to just want to dump onto other women.*

Oh, and this...so well put 😉

@justasking111

I'm near your age and I get it, even without the pain you experience. We've served our time and it's time for the next generation to take over if they want the whole shebang. But that's not going to happen unless we tell them "This is my last Xmas dinner, I simply cannot manage it on my own anymore". Then let it go. If they organize something at one of their homes fine, if not that's fine too. Xmas in pjs with our feet up sounds fine with us, doesn't it?

In your case you'd have to add "so if Dad says Xmas at our house next year, you will need to ignore him", or words to that effect. And you need to tell your DH that you are serious as a heart attack and that if he invites one person for Xmas you will be booking yourself a hotel from the 23-27th and leaving him to do the entertaining. But to tell you the truth, I'd be telling simply him "I'm leaving" and I wouldn't wait til next Xmas to do so. His total lack of compassion for your pain and your needs would end the marriage for me. I'm not being snarky, but serious. Why are you still there? I can't believe his lack of caring for you just pops up at Xmas. This must be something you experience all year round.

But I do agree with a PP, you can't simply order your DiL to host next Xmas. All you can do is say that you are not.

It’s not. It’s fucking tragic.

This is farcical, you let your husband’s shits determine your Christmas Day? Tell him to fuck off and walk back home and stay put where you are (next year), this year just woman up and issue instructions to your younger family members.

OP it's not your children's fault that your husband is a selfish dickhead. Ignoring your medical issues and demanding that you cater for loads of people at Christmas because he doesn't want to use someone else's toilet is ridiculous.

If you said to your husband to piss off, or actually talked to your children and explained that you were tired and could they come over a bit early and help cook and clean because you are in pain I'm sure they would.

But instead you pour your resentment on to them (and your DIL) rather than the person who deserves it - your husband.

Yes you do, because you should've put your foot down a long time ago and said no to him but for whatever reason haven't. He sounds controlling dictating when you leave for him to go toilet even though your 5 minutes away. Literally what a shit your husband is OP. Stick up for yourself instead of telling one dil it's her turn.

Yes, you can set your watch by his bowels. Handy if you lose your watch