Do I have to do Christmas again nearly 70

[justasking111]

I'm just so tired, in pain from scoliosis and an arthritic hip. We're doing Christmas again so husband can womble off for a 💩 in his own home. He's obsessed with having a dump in his own home post a uber large lunch. My offspring think it's wonderful they don't have to cook. I'm so tired, in pain and so much still to do. I'd love to jet away to be honest. Should I just suck it up.

That's the problem. He does give a shit, but it has to be in his house!

Yeah I am starting to think nobody could honestly be this much of a martyr...

Just stop.

You are in pain.

Go to bed.

Or go to a coffee shop.

No one needs a front porch decorated.

Just go to bed and then on Christmas day get up and sit and wait to be hosted on. When your sons arrive tell them that you are not feeling well and won't be able to do anything and therefore they need to help your husband.

Then just sit and don't do anything.

If you don't tell people how you feel and what you need then how will they know.

Your sons can get off their arses and do the entertaining instead of continuing their father's misogyny and bullying.

You have come here and complained that you can't manage, that your DH invites all and sundry and expects you to run yourself ragged. Poster after poster has given you advice and pointed out that the only person who can change this is you - by expecting Owners of the Holy Penis to get off their arses and do some work.

Your response "my DiL doesn't want to do it".

What do you actually want from this thread? None of us can cure your physical problems, you are the only one who can challenge your sons' and husbands misogyny but you seem instead to just want to dump onto other women.

"Sorry guys, my hip's playing up, I'm going to have to sit down/lie down. Who's helping Dad in the kitchen? Joe, can you be on drinks duty? DiL and GC, can you lay the table? I'll be in the living room on the sofa if anyone needs to ask me anything."
You don't need to decorate every room, just get someone to light some candles, assuming the tree is done. Put on some Christmas songs . Keep it basic.

Well don’t you talk to your husband??

As he’s invited extra people it’ll have to be a buffet, no other way.
I understand how you feel, I’m in fucking agony today, nothing is stopping the pain.
Next year go away. In fact book a break immediately after Christmas, you can book coach holidays that pick you up at your door by taxi. Or just get yourself to a nice hotel.
And next year someone else does Xmas — buy your DH one of those poo sprays as a present or he can stay home.

Snap, @Roussette

Don’t do any of that.

This post is hilarious!

I don’t think you are being unreasonable not wanting to host. However, I think you are going about it all wrong. Have you actually told your kids how you feel? I’d feel like I was treading on my mum’s toes if I offered to host even though I’d actually like to do it.

Tell your children that you want one of them to do it going forwards and let them sort the arrangements among themselves. Picking on DiL (why the DiL not your son???) and dumping it on her is just rude. As I say I’d like to host - but if my MiL just announced that I was going to do it I can guarantee you that I wouldn’t.

Surely your sons can see their mother is too unwell to host in this way?
They should insist Christmas lunch happens at one of their homes in future and your husband will just have to put up with it - and take the 5 minute walk home to his own bathroom when he needs to

If I was OP I would sit down with my adult DC and their partners and tell them I could no longer host and what was the solution which suits everyone, so DILs are not being told they are responsible for hosting going forward

You do look a bit peaky, OP. Maybe you will be catching a cold? 🤔 You know, snuggle on the couch with a drink while Mr and the kids look after the catering. It's the least they could do.

Ignore all these people saying 'Oh, just do a buffet!' or 'You don't need to do loads of cleaning!' because the actual amount of work that goes into it really isn't the issue here. The issue is that you are apparently not allowed to leave the house on Christmas day so your husband can savour his Christmas shit, which is the most depressing and bleak thing I've ever fucking heard.

If he really can't leave the house for a shit, then he can stay at home alone with his festive turd while you go to one of your kids' houses and make them bloody wait on you for a change.

Selfish bastards, the lot of them.

I've tried. I've shown him the consultant report, MRI results he doesn't believe them, just thinks more exercise, cycling I can beat it

Your husband sounds awful. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

OK. So this is the nub of the problem.

Your husband doesn't believe that you have a serious medical problem.

That is at a minimum unkind and probably abusive.

Seriously, just go to bed and leave them all to it.

You are ill. Go to bed and rest.

Everyone else can sort themselves out.

Tell him to fuck off.

I don't offer husband does. I'd give anything to just turn up and be waited on after 46 years of playing host

Well then tell your husband and kids that you personally are done and are no longer prepared to undertake any kind of hosting duties.

Of course your husband always offers, it suits him and it's easy to be generous with someone else's time and labour. So next time he offers it is ALL on him. You will not be doing any cleaning, thinking, preparation, shopping or cooking, you will be the same as any other guest.

And most importantly mean it. If he does nothing, there is no magic mum magic wand to fix it by running around like mad the day before. They turn up to your normal house and a takeaway gets ordered

I think you should take to your bed and stay there until Boxing Day .... you never know you may get a lovely Christmas dinner bought up to you if your sons & dils muck in together.

What happens if you just say that you’re not doing it/not getting involved? Are you scared of him?

Yes and pigs might fly. They’ve been spoilt all their lives, they won’t change now. I’d go on strike anyway.

My family love a good buffet Christmas lunch we usually have the cooked next day lol

Started with sympathy with you and lost it at the point of you having to leave at the same time or your husband needing the loo.

Just stay.

Hes not a fucking toddler you know?

Jesus seriously why do women put up with this (literal) crap 🙄