Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I have to do Christmas again nearly 70

450 replies

justasking111 · 22/12/2023 12:44

I'm just so tired, in pain from scoliosis and an arthritic hip. We're doing Christmas again so husband can womble off for a 💩 in his own home. He's obsessed with having a dump in his own home post a uber large lunch. My offspring think it's wonderful they don't have to cook. I'm so tired, in pain and so much still to do. I'd love to jet away to be honest. Should I just suck it up.

OP posts:
Sugarsun · 22/12/2023 16:59

Whilst all of your family are sat around the table announce that you’ve loved hosting throughout the years but now due to your age and health issues, this will be your last one.

Put your foot down and do not let your DH decide otherwise.

WickedSerious · 22/12/2023 17:09

I've got the Mr Hankey song stuck in my head.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 22/12/2023 17:32

@Marwoodsbigbreak @randomuser2020

Regarding your comments about 'enough people believing this' and 'nobody being this much of a martyr', do you think the OP is making this up ? She's a very regular poster .

Nepmarthiturn · 22/12/2023 17:39

I'll be so happy if my kids still want to come to me for Christmas when they are adults!

But obviously with several adults in the house everyone should be doing their share and not leaving everything to you. Put your foot down! It should be a joint effort so everyone can enjoy the day, not you waiting on everybody.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 22/12/2023 17:41

Thanks @ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea

Shocking! I’m nearly sixty so a similar age to OP. I just can’t understand this level of misogyny and doormat behaviour.

Sugarsun · 22/12/2023 17:44

Nepmarthiturn · 22/12/2023 17:39

I'll be so happy if my kids still want to come to me for Christmas when they are adults!

But obviously with several adults in the house everyone should be doing their share and not leaving everything to you. Put your foot down! It should be a joint effort so everyone can enjoy the day, not you waiting on everybody.

This should be the compromise.

That you are happy to host it in your home (especially if you have the biggest house and DH can use the bathroom) but you won’t be able to do any of the prep or cleaning afterwards.

If you can afford it, get a cleaner.
Then get DH to shop for the food.
And DH and DCs do the food prep and clearing afterwards.

C8H10N4O2 · 22/12/2023 17:54

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 22/12/2023 17:32

@Marwoodsbigbreak @randomuser2020

Regarding your comments about 'enough people believing this' and 'nobody being this much of a martyr', do you think the OP is making this up ? She's a very regular poster .

Oh I find it perfectly believable, including the fact that the OP will do nothing to change it and continue to complain and put the blame onto the nearest person with ovaries rather than her selfish husband and sons.

I asked upthread what the OP wants from this thread because non of us can change her selfish and controlling husband or her apparently equally selfish sons. I've not had a response, nor has anyone else who has asked.

LadyWiddiothethird · 22/12/2023 18:07

OP you are an utter fool!! Just refuse!! Which of course you are not going to,much easier to feel sorry for yourself and act the martyr.Why do women put up with this level of bad treatment?presumably you have been doing this for years,more fool you.No sympathy here,you carry on.

Years ago one couple I knew used to fly to Australia the opposite way to normal,so that husband’s bowel habits would be affected less!Absolute madness.

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/12/2023 18:13

Does he even need a shit or is it just an excuse to make you leave when he wants to and exert control? My twat father used to do that...invent a reason to disrupt what Mum or we were doing to join him on something we didn't need to be there for or do something he could do himself, purely so he could have the satisfaction of overriding us.

randomuser2020 · 22/12/2023 18:17

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

oneflewoverthe · 22/12/2023 18:19

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/12/2023 18:13

Does he even need a shit or is it just an excuse to make you leave when he wants to and exert control? My twat father used to do that...invent a reason to disrupt what Mum or we were doing to join him on something we didn't need to be there for or do something he could do himself, purely so he could have the satisfaction of overriding us.

Yes it does seem like the DH is making excuses to exert control. The whole issue is with his behaviour.

Canthave2manycats · 22/12/2023 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Do you not think that the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction?

If you have been downtrodden by an overbearing bully for 30 odd years, then you might well have got used to tolerating bullshit that most people wouldn't.

Roussette · 22/12/2023 18:28

Nepmarthiturn · 22/12/2023 17:39

I'll be so happy if my kids still want to come to me for Christmas when they are adults!

But obviously with several adults in the house everyone should be doing their share and not leaving everything to you. Put your foot down! It should be a joint effort so everyone can enjoy the day, not you waiting on everybody.

^^ This

And it's what happens here and I'm old! I get all the help I need or want plus plenty of bossing about in the kitchen!

randomuser2020 · 22/12/2023 18:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

JenniferJupiterVenusandMars · 22/12/2023 18:41

I’m 70 too OP and I flatly refused to ever cook another traditional Christmas dinner last year. I don’t even like Christmas dinner.
dh does sofa to help, the DCs are vegetarians, live miles away and do their own thing.
Next year I am going away, let someone else look after me.
This year we’re having porchetta, French fries and salad, f DH doesn’t like it then tough.

mumsytoon · 22/12/2023 18:53

I would be so sad to be 70 and realised that my dc are such a disgrace to have not turned out better. My dm is just in her 60s and all dc is 40s but all she has to do is just turn up. She insists on doing something so does her favourite but other than that every single thing is taken care of- even the clean up before and after. Your kids are a disgrace. Sorry op that you are being dumped on like this.

mumsytoon · 22/12/2023 18:54

PieAndLattes · 22/12/2023 16:07

My DSis hosts about 13 of us BUT each family (4 families) is responsible for a course. That means bringing it, setting the table, and cleaning up after. She does the main course but some of us go and help prep the night before and we keep the whole thing fairly simple - smoked salmon and prawns to start, turkey, stuffing, veggies, roasties and gravy for main, a posh cheesecake and trifle for pudding, and then port and cheese. You don’t need to do it all - you don’t need to decorate any more rooms, you can ask people to prep/serve/wask dishes/put things away. And you should.

This is what we do and how it should be done.

Riapia · 22/12/2023 19:08

This year when DH has been for a dump tell him “that’s the best bit of you gone down the drain “.

whatsappdoc · 22/12/2023 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

InnerCityInnerCity · 22/12/2023 22:49

My Mil could be the OP, I'm married to one of her lazy sons.
Any suggestion that his mum can't cope is met with disbelief and then accusations of jealousy because she is in charge of Christmas. Their childhood Christmas's get more legendary each year. I've heard the memories so often I almost believe I was there.

Apparently I am the unemployed dil, except the family have never really got a grip that I project work, out earning their son when a contract comes in. I also like to ring the changes, I was totally up for one pan veggies plus curry this year. Sadly we will be wading through three roast dinners within 48 hours.

You just have to be totally straight forward and honest with all of them.

I'm 50 and can't be arsed with any of their traditional shit, not my circus, not my monkeys.

It's hard work as a guest at mil's, offer to help and your over overstepping an imaginary rule. Take pudding? FIL wants his Costco bargains. Take bedding? What's wrong with hers. The guest bed doesn't get washed between visits cos we're all family, DH sweats like the Turin Shroud so that's nice for everyone.

Scalottia · 23/12/2023 07:01

Riapia · 22/12/2023 19:08

This year when DH has been for a dump tell him “that’s the best bit of you gone down the drain “.

😂

BIossomtoes · 23/12/2023 07:44

It's hard work as a guest at mil's, offer to help and your over overstepping an imaginary rule. Take pudding? FIL wants his Costco bargains. Take bedding? What's wrong with hers. The guest bed doesn't get washed between visits cos we're all family, DH sweats like the Turin Shroud so that's nice for everyone.

Please, please come here. You’re the Dil of my dreams.

Valeriekat · 23/12/2023 09:07

My husband does most of the Christmas prep now.
A few years ago Mum told my siblings(we live overseas) that she wasn't up for doing Christmas anymore and the cooking was too much so they all go to hers with the food. Everyone is happy.

trytopullyoursocksup · 23/12/2023 09:56

I wish I had not read this thread. It is so depressing. Everything about it is awful. I am imagining this joyless ensemble of adults sitting around a resentfully cooked dinner while all anyone can think is "Well, he'll be off for his shit soon"

trytopullyoursocksup · 23/12/2023 09:57

I think that's the real abuse that is being enacted here. Any adult who thinks it is reasonable for anyone else to even be aware of their shit, is abusing them in my opinion AND NOW WE ARE ALL SECOND HAND ABUSED.