Do I have to do Christmas again nearly 70

[justasking111]

I'm just so tired, in pain from scoliosis and an arthritic hip. We're doing Christmas again so husband can womble off for a 💩 in his own home. He's obsessed with having a dump in his own home post a uber large lunch. My offspring think it's wonderful they don't have to cook. I'm so tired, in pain and so much still to do. I'd love to jet away to be honest. Should I just suck it up.

Im
usimg the word people say is used too
much now .
This is bloody abuse he’s also controlling.

Op isn’t allowed to make her own choices .
Tell the ignorant. Mind if you leave and sell
up you can rest and say no to babysitting abs you can go visit your family and leave when you like .
This is terrible he makes you leave when he says for the toilet. .
He could have nope Sasha for a 20 minute walk but no he’s controlling your life .

@justasking111 It’s never too late ❤️

Just because you've not heard of men like this, doesn't men they don't exist!
Oh he will go elsewhere, when it suits him. If he's on holiday etc, he will have to go wherever he is! He is just so set in his ways. You think after 50 years together he's just going to change? Wishful, but incredibly naive thinking.
And trust me, his daughters (myself and sister) would absolutely never put up with the kind of crap he dishes out to my mum. But my mum is also so used to it, and it has affected her thinking. Like if my husband did the school run before work, she would argue with me that it was my job. Why? Because I'm a woman. Men are capable of doing stuff too but when you've been stuck in a certain mindset for years you are rewired in your thinking. Men do this, women do that. And when it comes to women, its everything.
Oh and my dad said that I shouldn't put a teething necklace on my son because "it will turn him gay".

Who the hell decorates a bathroom for Christmas?

Perhaps she likes it looking festive for her DH while he's sitting in there for hours straining out his afternoon yule log

God this is tragic. Why do women allow themselves to be pushed around like this?! You are struggling with back spasms, scoliosis, cooking for family and decorating your house all because your DH wants to poo in his own toilet?

Oh come off the Cross OP, you're just being a martyr and you are relishing the role.

No-one with an ounce of gumption or common sense leaves an event 5 mins from home to accompany her spouse because he wants a shit.

Plus you're as bad as your spouse as you expect your dil to take over hosting when you should be looking at your sons!

"Women's" work is not a thing.

I was hasty in my reply and I am really sorry. I do understand.

I have to say my Father was like this. Not the shitting thing. But his view of women, their place in the home, they should'nt have opinions, things being 'women's work' and there is far more to it than I can say but it is very identifying.

Needless to say, I left home at 16 far too young .... and made my own life in a completely different way than the stereotype he expected of me.

As far as my Mum, I went to see her as much as I could, and basically did my best to strengthen her to stick up for herself which she tried to do. Apologies again.

Well if your husband doesn't believe you do your sons?

Tell them that if they want Christmas at yours they need to come & clean, decorate & cook.

Plus any shopping that still needs doing.

Edited for spelling.

Christmas dinner would be the perfect occasion to announce that you have filed for divorce.

OP your husband is a controlling knob.

Your DIL is not responsible for Christmas dinner just because you don’t want to.

This is such an infuriating thread. What is it with men of a certain age dictating things like this and women just accepting it? And also the nerve you have to tell your DIL and not your SON that you’d like them to host next year. I’d just draw a line under Christmas altogether to be honest.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Why not all do your own thing for Christmas Day and meet up on Boxing Day for a bring and share at one of the kids houses. That way no one has to take on the mantle of ‘super host’ which sounds like it’s a curse.

The answer is in your hands.

why do you go if he insists you go home with him?
why do you take over after he has collected the kids.
Why do you do it all after you’ve said you don’t want to host?

Say no! What is it you are afraid of if you just say no?

<SNORT>

Ok I think I've read enough of this thread to reframe the issue.
The problem is not DH needing a s but being a complete s*.
Ur wellbeing and needs are completely invisible to him.

Please don't apologise, it's just shit that there is those of us who were bought up in homes like this.

Hugs to you x

I'm amazed you put up with it. Just say no. You're not doing it. Any of it. If he wants to host, he does everything. And then follow through.
YABVU though to suggest to your DILs that they host. Suggest it to your sons! Men are just of capable of doing this stuff as women are, and by only asking your DILs you're perpetuating this sexist crap.

My DSis hosts about 13 of us BUT each family (4 families) is responsible for a course. That means bringing it, setting the table, and cleaning up after. She does the main course but some of us go and help prep the night before and we keep the whole thing fairly simple - smoked salmon and prawns to start, turkey, stuffing, veggies, roasties and gravy for main, a posh cheesecake and trifle for pudding, and then port and cheese. You don’t need to do it all - you don’t need to decorate any more rooms, you can ask people to prep/serve/wask dishes/put things away. And you should.

I would make it clear to them that this will be the last year you host! Who on earth can do all this esp when in pain ? The trouble is at Christmas everyone goes back to traditional roles .Mum cooking ,all DC round the table for "Mums roast Turkey " and you are playing right into this. Next year tell DH you cant do it any more ,go to your DDs and leave him behind .If they come to you then say they can bring cold plated Turkey and potatoes . You do pud and put your feet up!

After a lifetime of going along with other's wishes it can be hard to say no but unless you do just that then this isn't going to change. I suggest that for this year you sit down now and write a list of everything that still needs doing. Then write all the adult's names down and divide all those jobs up between them. When they all arrive explain that Jim is down for hoovering, Brian gives the bathroom a wipe down, John can peel the veg, Betty sorts the pudding's out, Clare lays the table, Chris and Jo do all the washing up etc. The grandchildren can finish off any decorating that needs doing. If anyone does anything other than accept their roles cheerfully you explain that you are no longer able to do it all.

She is, but so is your son. he's who you should be telling not his wife

You're perpetuating the same sexist shite by "telling" your daughter in law that she'll be hosting Christmas next year.

Grow a backbone and put a stop to this nonsense.

This time next year, it will be her daughter in law posting about her mother in law demanding that she hosts Christmas and AIBU to tell her to piss off.
As for the following DH home because he wants a shit like an obedient little wifey, there are no words.

My mum is nearly 70. We are going to her and my dad cos they have the largest nicest house, however she does so much childcare for me and my sister she doesn't also need the stress and work of doing all the cooking and food prep etc. So DH and BIL are doing all the cooking and my sister and I will do the clear up. If you are pain please tell your family.and enlist the help of your kids.
I would feel terrible if my mum was in horrible pain and doing something I could be doing for her. If you don't feel comfortable asking get your DH to message them all and explain you're not feeling 100% and will need help and then assign them all jobs in advance so everyone arrives clear on what they are bringing/doing to help.

🤣🤣 absolutely!