Feel sick at how much I've spent on Xmas

[MaryQueenofKnots]

Just feel like it's a ludicrous amount and I don't have the money. I feel like a sort of panic sets in every year and I just massively overbuy. Ridiculous. We have enough stuff, now I'm going to be skint for ages. Does anyone else just feel really uneasy with the Christmas excess? I'm a lone parent and worry that I overcompensate at times.

Honestly OP I think what you've bought sounds fine. You've not bought piles of meaningless tat, it's all stuff they'll enjoy. And £200 each child doesn't actually go far these days.

I find I always feel like I've spent a lot/too much but when I wrap it looks a bit measly.

My DC are all adults now and have been through real shit as DC but shall I tell you what they remember about our family Christmases?
Baking gingerbread cookies, decorating the tree, their stockings... and that I let them eat chocolates all day!
Please don't feel guilty or that they don't have much, they really do!
Thoughtful presents and You!
Mine also loved orange juice and lemonade.. served in a wine glass
Their Dad actually walked out and left on Christmas Day, but they said it was the best Christmas ever because they helped me cook dinner and ate all the tiramisu!
January is a grey month, but you can still play games and make cakes etc

£200 per child with the price of everything these days isn't excessive, especially if you can afford and not go without things. When I read your title I assumed it would have been more.

If you really aren't comfortable with what you have spent, either return a few or just keep a couple back for thier birthday

Our (all grown-up) family does the Secret Santa (although not actually secret as we all know who's giving to whom) which makes life a lot easier. Each person just buys a present for one family member.

Everyone chips in for the food and drinks. It's a bit of a spend but just indulgence we can all enjoy.

I suppose that's the key theme, enjoyment. If you're spending so much it's causing anxiety and hardship, that's defeating the purpose.

I've definitely gone over my budget but it won't mean I can't pay my bills in January so I refuse to feel bad. We've had several deaths in our close and extended family this year so I wanted to make Christmas extra special and a lot of the extra spending has been on food/drink to share with family and friends. For me that's what it's about and I intend to enjoy it.

Though I may have last-minute panic bought a VR headset for DS that he definitely doesn't need!

If you have a loft bag them up tightly and chuck a bag in the loft, set an alarm on your phone a month before each birthday to remind you that you have their gifts. Set another reminder to get them out a week before their birthday

If your spending is making you feel actually sick, that’s a real problem but you can tackle it for next year. Maybe you could set yourself a strict budget.

Children aren’t made happier by having more material things. But every Christmas we’re bombarded by advertising showing excesses of fancy food and presents, and kids ecstatically happy because they’ve been given the thing that the advertisers want to sell us. It isn’t real life, it’s a fantasy world intended to make us spend more.

I guarantee that your kids would be no less happy if you bought them one or two fewer presents each. Make a list of presents next year, stick to it and tell yourself you won’t get caught up in the hype.

Yes. I feel like this every year. I can still pay all our bills etc. but it just annoys me spending so much money on stuff we don’t really need

Mr gran made christmas for me ( at the time an only child ) absolutely magical I was absolutely spoiled and it made her happy. I thought this was the norm and have carried it on with my dc... now with 5 of them as an adult I've only just realised in recent years it's not normal but as I started out that way I intend to finish that way into their adult-hood. Because previously i was a single mum I saved so even now I save all year so its not like getting into debt to do so bills are paid ... cupboards and fridge is full.. we do massive donations every year. In hindsight if I'd realised my gran was ott I probably would have kept things more modest.

I feel sick about how much money we spend as a family for Christmas. Like literally the price of a holiday when everything from trees to decoration, to presents and food etc is all added in. Unfortunately it's not really up to me though as we have separate finances and most of the spending is DHs and I can't control what he spends on and when I have approached it in the past he gets really defensive as he said that's how you have a good Christmas. So I just let him get on with it. But I hate it.

How many games did you buy? More than one game each ? I agree that putting them by for birthdays is a good idea / or possibly as new activity for the next half term holiday in February? Alternatively if you have bought a 'few' rather than a 'couple', you could get a refund on some of it .

If you can pay your bills and afford to eat etc in Jan/Feb then just write this one off to excess. But its def not something to be advised. However, if you now need to rely on credit cards/ loans or going without food, bills, heating in January, then just take all that extra stuff back to the shop. The shops all have extended returns policy that allows you to take back to January. Christmas or any other event is never worth going into debt for or suffering for other parts of the year.

An alternative if you feel you must splurge, is to put aside a Christmas savings account and each month add e.g £100 to it, so that you have £1200 to spend on whatever you want by Christmas, without feeling like the December pay is all gone.

Would prefer to be comfortable as possible than have a great Christmas Day and then feel guilty/restricted at other times of year. Kids just love the magic of being together, Christmas movies, playing games they have always played, it doesn't need to be all brand new stuff. We use pretty much same decorations and tree each year, and everyone has a wonderful time just putting those up, no extra costs etc.

amazing idea! I’ll see if I can find similar (Will also come in handy if he ever fancies starting his own communist regime😉) thanks!

You've done it now and no major harm / debt done so enjoy it and relish their excitement and do different next year. Happy Christmas op

It's really hard when you are a single parent, my child was born on New Year's Day and it used to get a bit overwhelming budgeting for Christmas and then a birthday exactly a week later. I used to start in July as a way of managing my money and my stress levels. You want to give them everything, that is only natural but what they will remember is not the stuff but the love you give then and the time together

No help to you now but i get round this panic by setting a monthly amount by, starting in january. Whatever is there is there, thats it, no more gets spent

Why are people so scared to teach their children that things cost money and they can't always afford everything?
My parents taught me they couldn't afford things, I never ever felt like I missed out, that was my normal and the same for my DP, now people will bust a gut and go into debt to get their children everything they want rather than say no, then those same children end up adults in debt because they think they can have everything regardless of what they earn because that's what they've learned from it.

This is a really good idea. You have already spent the money but the presents don't all have to be given at Christmas. You could keep some back and not have to worry about buying birthday presents. It will also salve some of the guilt you are feeling at the moment.

More fool anyone who thinks Christmas is just a race to the tills and time to spend. We stopped doing adult presents in family years ago and keep everything else fairly modest. It's about quality time with people not gifts

I am like you! I find the kids are happy with half the stuff so I've tried to control myself this year! It's a tough one! I think it's very difficult to get right but if it stops you taking them places and doing things in Jan/Feb then don't spend that money. Think of the gifts as something to entertain them during the x-mas hols. They're probably more interested in seeing you excited, happy and ready for cuddles xxx

Our teens got experiences, DS a I-KON pass, Dd driving lessons. Then just bits in their stockings.

I'm trying to emphasise that Christmas is not just about consumerism, greed and material things.

From what I've seen of spoiling children with material gifts, it will come back to bite you when they turn into entitled little shits. You can give without giving to excess.

As it happens, lots of parents don't give their children enough time (in their opinion ). 2x full time jobs, trying to run a house and parent multiple children means they are often always busy. This guilt can lead to them trying to make amends by buying too much shit for them for birthdays and Christmases in an effort to make up for time not spent with them.

Yes we pay for outings/contribute to socialising, pay for driving lessons - thats part of my thinking really, they don't want for anything, so to just buy presents because its Christmas seems ridiculously wasteful when he can’t think of anything he wants.
But I do feel i have to give him cash to be spent as he likes as his sibling loves a present and I can’t buy stuff for them and give him nothing!

Think about how do your children learn to deal with disappointment if they are never disappointed?
Surely it’s much better to learn as a child with a loving parent to support you, than have a wonderfully smooth life and get hit with something as an adult with no coping skills.

I can think of better times of the year to be dishing out life lessons than Christmas Day ….. I’d much rather be saying no to the all round requests for stuff and then surprising with something unexpected rather than acquiescing to every request that crops up day to day.