Feel sick at how much I've spent on Xmas

[MaryQueenofKnots]

Just feel like it's a ludicrous amount and I don't have the money. I feel like a sort of panic sets in every year and I just massively overbuy. Ridiculous. We have enough stuff, now I'm going to be skint for ages. Does anyone else just feel really uneasy with the Christmas excess? I'm a lone parent and worry that I overcompensate at times.

Hide some gifts for their birthdays and return some..

The kids don't enjoy getting too many things.
A packet of crisps and some lollies and a couple of gifts that they want keeps them happy.

Enjoy the Christmas meal, the music, the Carol Services, looking at the street decorations and meeting with friends and family.

@user14699084786 I disagree with @TheAlchemistElixa I think you're showing your son that Christmas isn't about buying unwanted stuff for the sake of it because "it's Christmas". Giving him cash allows him to choose something for himself at a later date so any buying is much more considered - he may even save the money. I think you're showing him that you can have a lovely time at Christmas without any "stuff".

I over compensate too, I have no extended family whatsoever apart from my brother abroad, they’re either all dead or just never existed in the first place, also a lone parent, my dc dad has wiped them out of his life, no parents or grandparents.

I’ve just lost my mum too.

ive spent quite a lot on the dc this year. It’s shit

bloody hate this time of the year. And if one more person calls me miserable or say oh how can you hate Xmas it’s my favourite time of year..I may have to ram their chestnut stuffed turkey up their arse!

I’ve given my 21 year old and my 24 year old money this year, one’s spending it on driving lessons and the other is saving it.

far more sense than spending it on crap they won’t use!

Good idea to put something aside for birthdays and have a very frugal January.

I’m the same as you OP, always buy extra at the last minute as I want my son to be happy. He is 16 now and tells me off for buying too much.

Try not to beat yourself up about it and enjoy Christmas.

They are kids, I literally spend time with mine every single day. What parent doesn't regularly spend time with their kids? (except deadbeat ones) Its not a special Xmas thing.

Parental/family time should not be a 'gift' to a child.

£400 isn't THAT much OP - £200 per child. That's like putting aside (not even) £40 a month for Christmas. Could you afford to do that next year so it doesn't feel like January is such a trial?

Compared to what some kids get...I mean people go insane, not just presents but decorations, some people spend hundreds on those alone. Is their father contributing properly and buying some presents?

What is done is done. Now enjoy the festivities and your kids would probably keep the excitement of Xmas in their memories. These years will go and things will be different. It is the season to be jolly 😉. We are all mostly skint on January. Plan cheap and cheerful meals and nights in. Thank
goodness some prices come down on January.

@TheAlchemistElixa I don't think a bank transfer is depressing and grim

As a teenager, I loved having my own money and choosing what to buy

I think @user14699084786 has made a wise choice

I dislike Christmas for this very reason. The worry and then distress of overspending.

It's just bollocks and then We fall for it every single year.

Can you return any stuff??

My DC are in their 30's. We have always gone overboard at Christmas but the item that comes out every year and involves all of us, our oldies and our friends, is 'Frustration'. It's a great game for competitiveness, and if you asked my kids what they enjoyed most about Christmas, that would always be on the list.

Family games are always a good - and not necessarily too expensive - way to go.

OP - I agree with a previous poster. To save a small amount each month would help hugely next December, although I know it can be easier said than done.

Happy Christmas everyone!

I've spent multiples of that on my teens and I do feel a bit sick about it all. It's within my means but I could have actually brought them away on a decent holiday for 2 weeks to somewhere really lovely with the money I have spent. I kept trying to even out the bundles and dh has bought them a similar amount of stuff too. I know they will use it all but it does make me question what the fuck I am doing and how it really seems to miss the mark of what Christmas is about.

We're trying to opt out of commercial Christmas as my children and I find it too much stress. We'd rather get the things we really need and want throughout the year as they come up rather than buy things for the sake of it just because it's Christmas.

This year we've had the house rewired, so their bedrooms will be redecorated. They're going to choose their own bedding and lamps etc as they're needed, rather than stressing about it for an arbitrary deadline and potentially going off them when the time comes.

I've got them a small stocking each, some pj's and a book, but they specifically asked not to get too much. Relatives go a bit overboard and they find it very difficult - reacting gratefully enough under pressure, getting things they're not keen on and feeling guilty that money has essentially been wasted, storing things that they might like somewhat, but that are still bulky and negatively change how they can use their space etc etc.

There's so much pressure on everyone, including children, to be part of this 'magical Christmas' created by marketing people to sell products. It's completely unrealistic for just about everyone for so many reasons. Finances, yes, but also personalities, time, and family dynamics. It's also not good for the planet. We can choose to opt out. I have hopes that excessive Christmas gifting will die like the giving of Christmas cards largely has.

We do not have family nearby and I just have an aged mum from an older generation. My dc are adults.

Its not necessary to overspend on dc and as I’ve got older, I have worked out what I like about Christmas and enjoy and what I’m happy to swerve. It doesn’t have to be all about family which is just as well as my sisters don’t bother to ring our mother on Christmas Day!

My DDs are with me now but we still prefer just chilling out to loads of presents. When they were young, a few well chosen ones worked best plus pantomime tickets! It can also include taking time to do free things. Walks, carol singing, looking at festive decorations, planning holidays and even not doing much if you don’t feel like t! I like decorating the Christmas tree and dc always helped. I don’t think you need to overspend to enjoy this time of year. You just need to work out what’s best for you and stick to it.,

It’s a problem if you knowingly do it year after year. Learn to do better next time.

Lots of parents hate spending time with their kids, mine did. I was always parked in front of the TV or given a book. We barely ever spent time in the same room as we were "too loud".

Even with parents I see spend time with their kids now, it's often rushing/nagging/trying to get to or leave the next thing. Many don't know how to play or don't want to sit down and play with Lego or dolls etc even when they do have time.

I just cannot wait for it to be over. The adverts, the cheesy Christmas songs on every radio station. I'ts one day in the year and some people lose their minds.
It is so much incredible pressure for people that don't have a lot of disposable income.

Use the next 2 days to return stuff.

I think some posters are wrong about parents being competitive spenders…. I have no idea what my friends are spending on their children. If we overspend it’s because we want our child to have a special day and we see things they’d love. The rest of the year we actually don’t indulge in lots of spending… Im much more likely to be in a charity shop or vintage shop than a shopping centre. I also like to make lots of Christmas elements myself… cards, door wreath, food gifts etc so overall I don’t think the message we send is over consumption.

As for buying for wider family - we’ve stopped that for the adults and only buy for children.

Precisely my thoughts. Thankfully we’ve never had much money so when the DCs were young they didn’t expect extravagant amounts of presents.
I can’t stand the amount of cheap plastic tat in the shops, much of which presumably ends up in landfill.

My dc's always look like they have loads, but a lot of it is things they'd have anyway. So they always get new underwear, socks, toothbrush etc. Then new stationary for school and other things they need. They've even had new school uniform in their stocking!
They then get 2-3 things that are fun and 2-3 things that are really nice, but it looks like a huge pile, and doesn't cost huge amounts more than I'd have to spend anyway.
I'm sure there's people now rolling their eyes and thinking how mean I am.

But I sat them down when the youngest got to around 10/11yo and said to them that they had a choice. Either they told me when they needed new (eg) underwear and I'd take them to the shop and they could choose, or I could continue choosing it myself and wrapping it up. They all chose to keep having them as presents, and 6 years later they still would rather have a nice big pile of presents on Christmas day.

They also still get second hand gifts from charity shops etc. Again, when they were old enough to understand I talked with them, and they all said they were happy to get second hand stuff.

Don't worry about it.

Iv spent a flamin fortune this year. Not guilty one little bit. I have a min wage job, partner is the main earner. Prob about 50k a year. Don’t get benefits except child benefit. All irrelevant as Iv had a shit year. Had colon cancer in aug, got it all out. On chemo to kill unwanted cells. Something not right with my heart, but will worry about that next year. Kids not had a holiday this year. So I’m spoiling them!!

But as they are a bit older, it’s stuff they need. Past the plastic tat stage

I think I overcompensate in a desperate attempt to make an otherwise ordinary day feel special and memorable for DCs. For me, Christmas is the least exciting day of the year because we can't go anywhere. The thing that makes it special for them are the gifts and snacks so its tempting to go overboard with it.

OP you’ve been very generous toward your children with the very best intentions. I’m sure they will love their gifts and the days out you’ve planned for them. Try to put the cost out of your mind… don’t let it spoil your enjoyment of the holiday.