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AIBU?

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Original poster

BF bought me a Xmas present instead of paying this month’s rent

303 replies

Jen133 · 22/12/2023 02:09

Hi all, thanks for listening

i have recently bought a flat with the intention of renting out my spare room to cover the costs. My boyfriend suggested instead, he moved in and paid £400 towards bills and food each month (the rental income would have been around £1100 had I got a lodger).

He gave me £300 last month, £100 short, but I let it slide.

He just presented me with a £400 watch for Christmas, which would be very generous, but it turns out that this gift is instead of his monthly payment.

Because he bought me such an expensive present, I rushed out and got him some clothes and took him out for a meal before realising this.

I’d like him to return the watch so that I can have the cash instead but he says I’m being ungrateful and ruining his nice gesture.

Ugh!

TLDR - boyfriend gave me a Xmas present instead of paying towards our bills and food this month. I want to take the present back and have the cash as I already sunk money into buying him something in return.

OP posts:
TheRealLilyMunster · 22/12/2023 09:59

Kick him the fuck out, immediately. Don't fall for any tears, begging, or other shit he will pull when you tell him to leave.

He thinks he's on to a good thing with you, and is absolutely taking advantage.

Have a lovely Christmas without him, and spend your money on yourself.

cheddercherry · 22/12/2023 09:59

Ditch the boyfriend and get a lodger who can manage even a single month of paying you correctly. People are absolutely shameless, he couldn’t even pretend for four weeks to not be totally using you?

user1471538283 · 22/12/2023 10:02

If you were mine this would happen - the watch and all the gifts you bought him would go back for a refund right now and he would be moving out before Christmas. No further discussion and no trial of 3 months. He is taking you for a ride and a fool. And you are neither!

As my DF used to say "you need to remember whose daughter you are".

Then you have a lovely Christmas with your family and friends.

In the New Year you advertise for a lodger. My friend had some fabulous lodgers that were only Monday to Thursday (because she lived near a hospital and a university).

Dweetfidilove · 22/12/2023 10:07

The useless knob is on a three month trial and hasn’t managed to pay the full (very cheap) rent a single month 😅.

He's either an idiot or he thinks you’re one.

I imagine you don’t fancy being single for Christmas, because there’s no other reason to continue this trial given he’s failing so spectacularly 🤦🏾‍♀️.

crumblingschools · 22/12/2023 10:08

Another person amazed you can charge £1100 for a lodger.

Bernieee · 22/12/2023 10:08

Get a lodger!

Outforlunchallday · 22/12/2023 10:09

My God, he’s a prince amongst men isn’t he!
He’s killed two birds with one stone in that move.
Bought your Christmas present thus avoiding paying rent for the month and got lovely presents from you.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he got the watch on credit too.
Make sure you get your money back and kick him out.
I would be doing that sooner rather than later.
Sneaky little git who saw you coming!

thesugarbumfairy · 22/12/2023 10:16

You are being unreasonable for letting him move in. Get shot of this one OP. He's a cocklodger. His rent will dwindle until you get nothing from him.

Original poster
Jen133 · 22/12/2023 10:17

Additional context - the watch is an Apple Watch and the rent is cheap as he only stays here 3 or 4 nights a week (rest of the time with his parents as he has two jobs, one near me and one near them). The plan was to get a lodger aswell for the spare room but I think it might be a bit cramped on the days they would both be here. Really my bad for not sorting it yet.

Anyway - he’s paid the £500 now -including last month’s underpayment -and given me the receipt for the watch so I can keep it or take it back and get the money instead. And he will be full time at mummy’s in the new year.

Thanks so much for all the comments - although this has been resolved it’s 100% true that this is too much of a red flag to keep going in the relationship and will get worse not better if I give it any more time.

Jen x

OP posts:
Original poster
Jen133 · 22/12/2023 10:20

Haha Battersea - that would be if I had the box room and gave them the big room - London prices are insane aren’t they!

OP posts:
horseyhorsey17 · 22/12/2023 10:26

Cock lodger.

Planesmistakenforstars · 22/12/2023 10:26

The fact he has a place to stay with his parents is great news! That way you won't feel guilty about changing the locks and telling him not to come back. Which is what you should do.

horseyhorsey17 · 22/12/2023 10:28

If it makes you feel any better - I was in exactly the same position many moons ago, a boyfriend moved in and within two weeks I realised I'd saddled myself with a cock lodger. I gave him the train fare to go back to his parents and never saw him again! I've still got his guitar somewhere I think...

DeeLusional · 22/12/2023 10:31

Curious - did you ask him for proper rent, or did he offer it unsolicited?

user1492757084 · 22/12/2023 10:36

Put another lodger in the spare room.
Don't settle for the boyfriend not paying exactly what he agreed.
He might get the message within the next month.
Do you need to set up a more formal payment plan such as giving him an actual date each month that you need to see full payment in your bank account? (Also have him pay an extra month bond; he will always be a month ahead.)

Rosscameasdoody · 22/12/2023 10:37

He hasn’t bought you the watch, you’ve bought it yourself. I’d be asking him for the £100 shortfall from last month and insisting he return the watch because you need the rent money. Then I’d have a massive rethink, take his gifts back for a refund, and give him notice to leave.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 22/12/2023 10:37

My work department did this once, the organisation gave everybody a £100 cash bonus for their department to give out for Christmas. Every other department got given the £100 as a cash bonus, my department gave £50 cash and then gave a gift of expensive alcohol and chocolates labelled as ‘happy Christmas from your department managers’ as if it was their gift from their pocket, only it wasn’t it was bought from the other half of our bonuses. So they went out and used my money to buy me a gift and then expected to take all the credit and pass it off as a nice gesture? All of us in the department were absolutely fuming and did end up getting the other half of our cash bonus after a couple of people took the complaining to bosses outside of higher up. It’s not a thoughtful gift if you’ve had to pay for it yourself (unless we’re talking about an actual child!). Glad you’ve decided to end it.

ChaToilLeam · 22/12/2023 10:41

What a CF he is! Definitely not a keeper. He must think your head zips up the back. You’ll be well rid.

readymealeater · 22/12/2023 10:45

He’s a total user and you just know he’ll be moaning to his family, friends, and and future girlfriends that he got dumped on Christmas just after spending all his money on a watch for his girlfriend (it will probably have cost him £500 by the third telling).

Haha, omg, so true! Definitely this!

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/12/2023 10:46

mumsytoon · 22/12/2023 09:57

More fool you - you accepted 400 when you could earn 1100. That silly decision is all you. Hopefully lesson learnt

That's harsh. Maybe OP thought they would be living more like a couple presumably he was sharing a room with her not a separate room like a lodger. Obviously it didn't turn out like that.

readymealeater · 22/12/2023 10:48

Jen133 · 22/12/2023 10:17

Additional context - the watch is an Apple Watch and the rent is cheap as he only stays here 3 or 4 nights a week (rest of the time with his parents as he has two jobs, one near me and one near them). The plan was to get a lodger aswell for the spare room but I think it might be a bit cramped on the days they would both be here. Really my bad for not sorting it yet.

Anyway - he’s paid the £500 now -including last month’s underpayment -and given me the receipt for the watch so I can keep it or take it back and get the money instead. And he will be full time at mummy’s in the new year.

Thanks so much for all the comments - although this has been resolved it’s 100% true that this is too much of a red flag to keep going in the relationship and will get worse not better if I give it any more time.

Jen x

Glad to hear you've got it sorted and that you have your money back!

And he will be full time at mummy’s in the new year.

😂

housethatbuiltme · 22/12/2023 10:49

Why would you boyfriend need a whole room to himself?

You could have a boyfriend AND a lodger.

diddl · 22/12/2023 10:51

Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 02:16

You need to get rid of the boyfriend and get a lodger who pays the rent.

First answer is on the nose!

oakleaffy · 22/12/2023 10:51

Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 02:16

You need to get rid of the boyfriend and get a lodger who pays the rent.

Definitely this.

Parentofeanda · 22/12/2023 10:53

what an idiot, you basically paid for your own Watch which lets face it if youd had the £400 .. you wouldn't've have bought a watch!!! No point giving you a present if the money is yours, how you going to be greatful for a gift you have bought yourself hes just done the shop for Hahaha