This is definitely Christmas cheeky fuckery isn’t it?

[KylieJennersMakeUpSponge]

Foreword: yes I’m disorganised as hell and have left presents until the last minute yet again. But it is what it is.

SIL has 3 children - 2 who are now adults in their 20’s and a 9yo.

I have 2 children ages 7&10.

When i came into the family I bought for her kids jointly with DH - I knew them from when they were about 5 & 7. We stopped buying once they both went off to Uni, we felt that adulthood was a good age to stop. We always used to go for about £20 per niece.

Anyway, SIL messaged today to ask for ideas for my kids’ presents. I sent some suggestions all around the £15-£20 mark. I asked about DN aged 9. She sent some computer games all priced at £40.

So it’s been a tough year financially for various reasons, mainly due to DH’s ill health. We’ve told our kids that big extravagant presents like what we’ve given them in years before are a no-no (which they’re fine with) and DH and I aren’t buying for one another as we try and put money into savings so we can pay bills through 2024. we are budgeting to within an inch of our lives and tracking literally every penny as we do not want to get into debt. We are already in debit with our gas company.

Anyway I budgeted £10-£20 for nephews and nieces for Christmas, which was very do-able, we don’t have many. However I begrudge paying £40 and I really did have to say to SIL that it’s out of our budget and can she make some cheaper suggestions, or alternatively I can buy a second hand game from CeX.

She had replied to say that she is surprised as she is spending £40 on our children so it’s fair to spend £40 back. And that Cex only ever gives scratched games (not true, my kids have a Cex-bought PS4 and I buy all their games there, never had a problem and even if I did they do warranties on everything!).

AIBU to think that’s not how it works?!

What really pisses me off more than anything though - and I know this isn’t 9yo DN’s fault - but he is the world’s most spoilt child. He has three computer consoles - a switch, PS5 and an Xbox. He has the fancy VR headsets and all the gadgets and the latest games. They always claim they’re skint but he doesn’t go without - and in my view if he wants a certain game so badly it’s not like his only opportunity to get it is by us buying it for him! At the moment £20 is a lot to us, if I do have a spare £20 kicking about I put it towards the gas bill.

Do AIBU to think SIL is a cheeky fucker? She knows that DH has been off work most of the year and that we have less than we normally do. Or is it the case of it’s fair to spend the same amount in total no matter how many kids the other person has?

This!!

I would message and say

"Funny it was never a issue the 8 years we bought for your kids but if it makes you feel better spend £10 each on mine"

My parents spend £50 on children and grandkids each. My dsis gets annoyed as she gets £50 and my family (five of us) get £250. She can't seem to get it's still £50 each.

It's a very entitled attitude to expect Christmas presents in the first place, but to to then complain about how much someone else is going to spend on said presents is outrageous😧

Probably a bit late for this year, but if you're on a budget and your sister likes to keep score on who spends what on whom, agree on a spending limit for the kid's presents for next Christmas - if you're still on speaking terms that is!!

No wonder SIL's kid is spoiled with Mum's attitude!

I'd tell her you're happy for her to return your kid's presents if she thinks that's best but that unfortunately you've had to budget for Xmas and £20 is as much as you can afford.

Maybe give them a gaming voucher so they can put the money towards getting the game they want?

@KylieJennersMakeUpSponge so from your last post and assuming there's another 4 years of you buying for 1 and your SIL buying for 2 from when your dates take us up to (as you said her DS was 9 and that only takes us up to him being 5)...

If we assume you've spent an avg of £15 per child (some years more/some years less) then you've spent £525 up until now on her children

If we also assume they've been more generous at £20 per child just for the benefit of the doubt, they've spent £280 up until now

Maybe quite those numbers back to her (don't, you'll look petty 😄)

I did that very quickly so I'm sure another poster will correct me as pen and paper maths!

if it was me id make my apologies and put it towards the gas, @KylieJennersMakeUpSponge

So your SIL thinks spending is per family not for each dc. That's such a horrible way of thinking. Does she not see each of your dc as a niece or nephew to at she cares about? Do they only exist to her as a package she feel duty bound to buy for? How awful

@KylieJennersMakeUpSponge all those years you bought presents for her older kids, then 3 kids vs your 2 and she's telling you to equalise?

Wtf!

Buy what you can afford.

Your sil is mad, that’s not how it works. My brother has 3 kids and I’ve got 2. I end up spending around £60 whereas he spends around £40. Mine don’t get more just because there’s only 2 of them.

Buy him a voucher for the amount you are happy with and stare at your sil whilst you hand it over. She’s trying to bully you.

He's 9, get him a minecraft lego set or similar, there are £20 ones. Game based but hopefully get him off screens so he can have some time being a child.
VR headsets aren't even meant to be used under 16.

Aw thank you @ReflectiveRogue1001 that’s really kind of you to say!

My little people are indeed the best I never ever wanted to have to expose them to financial problems but we just had no choice. I’m trying to frame it as “Look Daddy is alive and well and even working again, this Christmas could have been so much worse” which is a bit of a sad stand point but honestly I didn’t know of this Christmas was gonna be one we spent with him.

I think PPs saying don’t bother next year are correct. For all our tight-arse planning it will take a very long time to get to where we were only a year ago, so I think planning to tighten our belts long term is a good idea

YANBU but why ask in the first place? Just buy something within your budget and be done with it.

So I’ve been to Cex and swapped some old games for a second hand new game that is in perfect condition! Only had to put £2 towards it.

Perfect. Just wrap it up and don’t ask what they want next time.

perfect!

Now put that interaction with your sil in law to back of your mind (better yet, bin it!), as if you otherwise get on , don’t let this derail

I'm surprised you didnt go back with one of the excellent first messages about your budget and sticking to it.

I'd have been tempted to say that if we are all exchanging £40 let's just stop doing presents altogether.

I dont want to be a cow to you OP but I think it's wrong that you traded in your sons old games to provide a present for DN. If your struggling that money should have gone on giving him the christmas he deserves and so he isnt receiving stocking fillers (your words) while your nephew gets a second hand game that will no doubt be looked down upon and discarded.

Dint make him small to people please them.

And DH should be communicating with her in future.

Tell your SIL this.

So she played the, "You have two children and I only have one!" card when she actually has two other children that you bought presents for until they were 18?

Yeah, she's a CF.

I would just buy your DN a £20 voucher for somewhere that sells games.

This

yeah she’s a cheeky twat

Yes, you're right, she's definitely a cheeky fucker ! What about when you were buying for all three of her kids, but she was only buying for your two!?

She’s batshit. That’s not how it works.
BiL has 5 kids to our 2, no way they spent the £100 on our two we spent on theirs! The only time we begrudged it was when we were spending the £100 and they forgot completely! We don’t bother these days.

Tell your greedy SIL to watch Martin Lewis show, you don't get into debt to purchase Xmas presents you can't afford, perhaps if she is so worried tell her you will not exchange presents for the children and spend the money on your lovely children. She needs reminding what's the spirit of Xmas perhaps your PILs could have a word. CF indeed.

That's CFery on another level! I hate spoilt kids, I got a lot of stuff as a kid, but I never asked for one thing, I was and still am, grateful for all I got. But that was how I was brought up. I'd agree with everyone else, a gift voucher for Game, up to what your finances run to and no more ❤❤❤