Anti-gay marriage

[NotGotAClue1]

My finance and the father of my young child told me that he doesn’t agree with gay marriage, not being gay in general, just the marriage part. And that it would be better for a child to be raised by a man and a woman. I’m completely offended by this and don’t agree in the slightest. I think he is thinking like a dinosaur and needs to move with the times. He thinks we can have different views and move on. But this has actually changed the way I look at him. He isn’t religious at all which is making me even more confused at his strong views.

AIBU?

@Ohnotyoutoo 89.4% of respondents identified as straight in the last census, so there's a higher "risk" than 1.5% for the op to consider.

@graceinspace999 his opinion does however still speak to his character. As such opinions always speak to the character of the people who hold them.

My opinion is that gay people should have the right to marry.

If others disagree then my opinion is that they are entitled to their opinion - even though I disagree with said opinion.

You are entitled to the opinion that my opinion speaks to my character but I disagree.

FFS. Some people on this thread need to just admit to themselves they hold homophobic beliefs and stop tying themselves in knots to justify their bigoted opinions.

I would have more respect for you if you said, "I believe it is natural and morally right that a child is born and raised from a man and woman, and that they have consecrated their union through the rite of marriage as it is sacred to men and women but mainly because I am homophobic and believe these same rights should be denied to gay couples on the basis of their sexuality and my prejudiced views about them."

"However, man and women do not need to be married to be in a respectable relationship. We can get divorced and be single parents because I am a massive hypocrite."

Married 12 years, two kids, no doubts. Financially solvent, together twenty years. Still feeling your prejudice about my family.

Gay man here. Signed up just to reply to this thread.

Whilst I'm all in favour of gay marriage and gay folks adopting children there are certain practical issues that can't be overlooked.

If I were married and my hubby and I somehow found ourselves with a girl child we would have no knowledge or experience as to how to guide her through female puberty, periods and all that stuff.

At one of the most crucial times of her life we'd have to rely on others to explain things that we couldn't.

Children benefit from the different perspectives that mothers and fathers bring to their lives.

@Defizz how likely is it that a gay couple know nobody who is female who could help?
And how do you think a widowed father would navigate this issue? Because he'd have to. The information is all out there. Like anything relating to parenting, it just takes some reading up and research to be able to handle it. As parents, you have to cope with life's curveballs anyway - I mean, I managed to help my oldest through it when she developed panic attacks at age 14 despite me never having experienced one myself.

Thanks for this, love.

Imagine if you knew women. Like your mother or sister or aunt or female member of your chosen family. Or fucking Google.

My son has plenty of positive role models both male and female. He does martial arts, plays drums and does scouts.

Your "I am gay" (ergo the spokesperson for all gay people) schtick is tedious. Sorry you still feel shame about your sexuality and that being straight is better.

We are brilliant parents even with absence of a penis. My kids are completely brilliant.

Give your head a wobble lad, your internalised homophobia is showing.

That's nice dear.

@Defizz you must live an incredibly isolated life. I've managed to raise a son without trouble and without needing my own penis.

We are all allowed our views wether we speak them or not. Don't get why your offended lol. Some can agree others wont

I’m not going to go dig through your history, and I’ll take you on your word.

I will point out that emulate =/= ape, and suggest you don’t know what you’re talking about in more ways than just that.

Because of course just one or some people saying one thing doesn’t mean we can extrapolate the truth. There are some children who don’t want to go to school, but I am yet to find someone who disputes the right to education because of that.

You're allowed your views, and other people are allowed to find homoohobia offensive. Lol.

YANBU - I couldn't have a child with someone like that

Taking offence is really your choice. You're the one who is unable to handle your emotional reaction to someone holding an opinion that contradicts your own. Are you like this with all contrarian views? How do you get through life?

Don’t understand how you can act all outraged now but clearly never had a meaningful conversation before going so far into the relationship that you have a child !!
Didn’t you discuss this sort of thing in your relationship ?!
Though on the raised by 2 sex parents thing, I think most people would deep down agree - even if they support gay marriage. Doesn’t mean a gay couple can’t make great parents, but generally speaking it’s good for kids to have close role models of both sexes I think. Little girls often love looking up to mum, and many little boys love being around men.

And many girls looks up to their dads and many boys look up to them mums? So what? It doesn’t prove or support a single argument either way, just that children often love their parents and others close to them.

You're talking like being offended by honophobia is a bad thing.

Ah, the old "most people secretly agree with me" excuse.

As ive said repeatedly. I am against it. This does not mean that I want to remove the right or choice to do it from other people.

Your terminology is confusing and odd.

In common parlance being against something means you think it is wrong. People who are against abortion or the death penalty think they should be banned - for everyone.

I've been as clear as I can be.

No you haven't.
Being against gay marriage or veganism is a ridiculous and incorrect way to say that they aren't for you. 2mummies1baby has explained it better than I have what being against something means to the vast majority of people.

As I pointed out earlier, marriage is a legal contract and has nothing to do with religion these days unless you choose it to be.

@Verv can I ask why you’re against gay marriage?

This post alone makes it clear you are one of those gay men who has very little respect for women.

What should I do?

I think you should talk to him to find out where all this is coming from. If he is willing to support a gay child, including their wedding, then his position is illogical and he should be able to recognise that and reflect on his position.

If he can't and he's only making an exception because it's his child, I wouldn't marry him. But it might be different for you. We all have different boundaries around what we can and can't live with.

He said he doesn’t like the fact that the government got involved to change the law and that he wouldn’t have a problem if it were the church’s decision. But I told him he’s contradicting himself as he said it’s just a belief that he’s never going to change. He has so many political views etc. that I don’t agree with but can agree to disagree on but this is different. I can’t get past it.

maybe your child would be better being brought up by a single mother, rather than a mother and bigoted father?