Anti-gay marriage

[NotGotAClue1]

My finance and the father of my young child told me that he doesn’t agree with gay marriage, not being gay in general, just the marriage part. And that it would be better for a child to be raised by a man and a woman. I’m completely offended by this and don’t agree in the slightest. I think he is thinking like a dinosaur and needs to move with the times. He thinks we can have different views and move on. But this has actually changed the way I look at him. He isn’t religious at all which is making me even more confused at his strong views.

AIBU?

I would say he is entitled to hold that opinion. But other people are entitled to find that opinion gross and objectionable and reason enough to be a dealbreaker.

Except that marriage doesn't have to take place in a church- the concept of marriage wasn't invented by Christians.

My son's birth father was an alcoholic who abused his birth mother, who was a drug addict. She gave him up for adoption after seriously neglecting and abusing him as a baby.

We adopted him and love him very much. I am a teacher and my partner is a doctor. We provide a stable, nurturing and enriching life for him.

People still express to me that they think he should have a mum and dad not two mums. On what fucking planet are his birth parents more suitable parents than us? It is pure narrow mindedness and bigotry.

@RocketIceLollie "Everyone is entitled to have their own opinions on any given topic. Your opinion on any given topic is no more right or wrong than his."

"Women shouldn't work outside the home"
"Black people shouldn't eat in the same restaurants as white people."

Legitimate opinions?

Where you are going wrong, is that you think he should change his opinion.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, whether that opinion means they are a bigot, a homophobe, a racist, a misogynist etc. doesn't matter, they are still entitled to it.

You're opinion is different, your opinion may be more socially and morally acceptable, he can justify his opinion just as you can yours; whether you can accept and acknowledge the justification is another matter.

I mean for a start, Marriage and child rearing are not exclusive. A gay couple can marry and remain child free just like a gay couple can raise children without having to be married. One scenario doesn't depict or rule out the other. So it sounds like he isn't against gay marriage; he's against gay couples raising children... I'd try to be finding out why rather than just "he's a dinosaur that needs to move with the times"

I was talking about the vicar - clearly being linked to the church and assuming his resistance was an understanding of marriage as a religious institution. I could be wrong?

People are too quick to demonise a person based on an opinion. As long as he’s tolerant of your views you can be tolerant of his. If we want to convince people we are right we should be prepared to do so with facts and science rather than just demonise them for disagreeing with us. Probably he’s seen one video or read one article on the topic and has formed his opinion based on that and could change it with new information.

Is he not aware that the majority of children who have two mums or two dads do so because their ideal mum and dad were incapable of parenting them?

As long as neither of you proactively express your opinions to the extreme ie taking a stand if your children were to enter a inter racial relationship, or same sex relationship, then no it's a deal breaker.

You will be easily be able to spot if someone proactively goes to the extreme with one opinion or not early in a relationship. If Op hasn't twigged on before now of her partner's opinions on this topic then I'm guessing he isn't extreme with his opinions.

Is he religious?

Yeah I think you’re being unreasonable. Of course the wedding thing in particular strikes me as silly given how many men-women marriages end in divorce nowadays, so it’s hardly the “sacred” sacrament it once was anyway. But probably about 40-50% of the population agree with him. Basically he has an old fashioned view of what constitutes marriage and family. Couldn’t get worked up about it.

You would be able to spot extreme opinions such as racial segregation easily early on in a relationship.

There are plenty of gay people around who don't agree with gay marriage either.

His opinion might be against modern grain, but he has every right to have it, in exactly the same way that you have the right to oppose it.

People hold all sorts of opinions for all sorts of reasons.
My partner hates the English. I’m English. You don’t see me whining about it. I think despising the English is socially acceptable though even amongst the English so perhaps a bad example.

You're dodging the real question, IceLollie. The question is, is it just homophobia that is in the category of "everyone is entitled to their own opinions", or do you extend that to racial segregation too? Because there is no difference between saying black people shouldn't marry white people, and saying gay people shouldn't marry.

@RocketIceLollie "You would be able to spot extreme opinions such as racial segregation easily early on in a relationship"

Is it a legitimate opinion, thought?

Quite a lots of people have that belief. In all races.
The thing is one can have their opinions/belief/religion on how things should be, but that doesn't mean they can impose it on others.

It simply should work - You live by your rules and opinions, others will live by theirs.

@tattygrl

its not homophobia though, anymore than someone saying “I think young children are better off with two parents in their 30s than two in their 70s” is necessarily an example of ageism.

How about explaining to your fiance that if disagrees with gay marriage so strongly then he is within his rights not to have one.

But equally if someone doesn't disagree agree with gay marriage and that it doesn't impact him directly or cost the taxpayer anything or cause harm to society/ environment then why would you want to deny something that would make two people in love happy?

I think he hasnt really thought this opinion through. On the one hand, yes I do think that children need a good healthy role model of each sex when growing up but this doesn't have to be a mother and father. It can be an aunt/uncle/cousin/teacher etc.

My SIL is a single parent and her son did briefly struggle at around 8 or so with some odd ideas about what makes a man but leveled out a lot when he moved up to year six and had a male teacher who was very good with him.

The mother/father model is outdated imo.

So-are there any unacceptable opinions? Having sex with children is simply a manifestation of love and allowing children to embrace their sexuality? Just an opinion, right?

I'm sorry, who are these "plenty of gay people" who believe they don't deserve the same rights as straight people?! Great friends of yours, are they? I'm willing to bet I know a heck of a lot more gay people than you do and not a single one is anti gay marriage.

The only celebrity I can think of is Milo Yiannopoulos, who married his boyfriend despite not believing in gay marriage, and is apparently "no longer gay".

Thinking a person's options for family and marriage should depend on their sexual orientation IS homophobia. And it doesn't remain a harmless, secret personal opinion, because people with these views can vote, meaning their opinions that gay people should have fewer options that straight people actually manifest into reality. It's disingenuous to pretend peoples' opinions exist in a vacuum and don't affect the world and other people. Opinions should be challenged and examined.

How on earth did you give birth to his child, one of the most life changing and intimate things you can share with another human being, and not know his world view? If he's anti gay marriage then there are bound to be other areas where you are polarised. I can't believe this is a shock horror moment. Just how?