Anti-gay marriage

[NotGotAClue1]

My finance and the father of my young child told me that he doesn’t agree with gay marriage, not being gay in general, just the marriage part. And that it would be better for a child to be raised by a man and a woman. I’m completely offended by this and don’t agree in the slightest. I think he is thinking like a dinosaur and needs to move with the times. He thinks we can have different views and move on. But this has actually changed the way I look at him. He isn’t religious at all which is making me even more confused at his strong views.

AIBU?

I don't see why anyone who isn't homophobic would have an issue with gay marriage.

The children being raised by a man and a woman thing is arguably not necessarily homophobic, and something that you could discuss in more depth with him and potentially help him reconsider from different perspectives. But the gay marriage thing would really upset me.

You can't just roll through life assuming that people hold the same opinions as you do.
People think all sorts of things that might cross your line in the sand. The thing about building up a relationship, shacking up with someone and having a baby means doing a little due diligence that you are compatible.

I know gay people who don't want to get married, that isn't the same as not believing it should be available to them. I'd be very interested to hear the thinking behind that from those "many" that are opposed.

I'm a straight woman who also has no interest in getting married but I wouldn't want to take that choice away from anyone else.

He is entitled to his opinion. If you disagree with him on this the best thing would be to persuade him why his opinion is wrong. It's not as if he's expressing a view that hasn't been acceptable for hundreds of years - gay marriage is a very new thing, it's only been possible in this country since March 2014.

Lots of people take more than ten years to get over change. People still harp on about Brexit and there are people who want to bring back the death penalty.

Also interested to know how this has only just come up in relationship now?

I find it completely baffling that gay people would WANT to get married. But not thinking they should be allowed to is pure homophobia.

It is the very definition of homophobia to think all straight parents are preferable to all gay parents. There is no nuance in the opinion.

Your example is facile. Being two women or men is not the same as being older parents where there are legitimate health concerns.

I would like to say I am surprised by how many people are comfortable with being overtly homophobic but are horrified when the same arguments are framed in terms of racism. It is the same principle that people are being denied rights based upon prejudice rather than fact.

@Dotjones "He is entitled to his opinion."

Is he? Are there opinions he is not entitled to?

Yeah that would give me the ick. Sure everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I wouldn't want to be in an intimate relationship with someone who was anti gay marriage. If I suddenly found out my DH held that view it would really change the way I thought of him.

Ugh, that's vile. What if his child marries someone of the same sex, would he not go to the wedding? Refuse to acknowledge their spouse? Just hope he doesn't pass on his hate to the child.

Not to derail the thread, but one of the reasons my wife and I decided to get married is that it meant my wife would automatically be the legal parent of our daughter (who I carried) and would go on the birth certificate as such. If we weren't married, my wife would have had to adopt her to be her legal parent.

FFS of course it is. Believing gay people shouldn't have children is homophobic.

@CurlewKate

Is he? Are there opinions he is not entitled to?

+++

As much as I disagree with and condemn his views provided he doesn't act on such opinions especially if this causes a criminal act or encourage or promote others in an open forum to act or causes criminal acts in line with those opinions then under freedom of speech he is entitled to them.

To prohibit people to have certain opinions is introducing thought crimes.

While it's great to be with someone who sees trivial things in different ways and has different likes and dislikes to you, I don't think it's possible to be happy in the long term with someone who doesn't share your core values and beliefs.

It was easier to adopt in a civil partnership despite having already been co-habiting for ten years. Marriage/ civil partnership allows you legal rights and securities - such as next of kin, pensions, inheritance etc.

This would be a dealbreaker for me simply because of what could happen if your child turned out gay and wanted to get married. The potential fallout would be horrific. It isn't a chance I would take. When mine were little, I didn't even think about this issue and here I am, a parent of two gay adult DC (and one fostered who is also gay). Don't brush this under the carpet under the guise of respecting his opinion.

Antiquated? Or traditional?

Just because something is now the fashion or politically correct, doesn't make it right.

And every person has the right to his/her opinion or beliefs. Those are his. Many billions share them. They are not wrong beliefs for them.

@2mummies1baby "Not to derail the thread, but one of the reasons my wife and I decided to get married is that it meant my wife would automatically be the legal parent of our daughter (who I carried) and would go on the birth certificate as such."

Ah-that makes sense. I didn't realise that. Get married with my blessing!

As a gay man, I really don't care that there are some people with his mindset. Social progress is slow but, we're moving in the right direction.

He is absolutely entitled to his opinion just as you're entitled to yours but you're absolutely allowed to decide which opinions conflict so much with yours that they become dealbreakers. Especially if they go against your core values which are basically just opinions at the end of the day - they're just the ones that matter most to you.

For me, it comes down to where it comes from. Why does he think that? Is he able to articulate it in any more detail? I don't think it necessarily makes him homophobic. I genuinely believe (in a lot of cases) there's a difference between a homophobic opinion/action and actually being a homophobe. Same with racism. We've all learned the world differently and we've all had some very bad lessons. To me the difference is whether you can stop and assess your actions when they're challenged.

As for the whole child argument, it's pure laziness. Get better ammunition before you go into battle, mate. The notion that it's unsuitable for a child to be raised by 2 men implies there is an agreed "ideal" model for raising children and, if that exists, I'm sorry to say but there are a hell of a lot of people who wouldn't live up to it. If only an appropriate gender balance was a guarantee of a loving, emotionally supportive and balanced upbringing!

I will sh someone would say whether there are opinions people are not entitled to hold?

Well there are only 8 billion people in the world, so...

People are entitled to hold whatever opinions they like.

What they are not entitled to is freedom from whatever consequences they may encounter as a result of holding and expressing those opinions.

Fully agree with this.

Well, I don’t agree with him, I might like to get married someday, but he’s entitled to think what he wants to think. I know there are gays and lesbians who agree with him.

Who?! Who are these gays and lesbians some of you seem to know who don't think they deserve equal rights?!