Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
Jk8 · 21/12/2023 10:17

🫣😂 just got in from McDonald's where I collected the points of somebody else's meals i was picking up as they werent there & I didnt even think to ask only to read this 🙃 oh well!

In responce to the thread though. I'd tell her honestly she was rude & suggest she pull her head out of her arse if she wants to speak to you about it. & how bloody dare she get others involved or do it in front of them too. Id be fucking raging

If anything she should pull her kid out so she doesn't have a run in with you once you've collected your thoughts

Gymnopedie · 21/12/2023 10:18

Even if she signed up to the loyalty scheme today the receipt will predate it and she wouldn't get the points anyway.

vincettenoir · 21/12/2023 10:18

I definitely would not apologise. You have done nothing wrong. The dance teacher should be the one to apologise.

I wouldn't pull your dd out of the class as she says she likes it. I would just keep a frosty distance from the dance teacher going forward.

SunRainStorm · 21/12/2023 10:18

@Shodan has the right idea.

Absolutely spell it out like that and let everyone see how ridiculous she is.

I'd move dance schools as well.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 21/12/2023 10:19

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 03:43

I’d have collected the points. You used your car and time to go and collect the food.
Tell her to fuck off.
She had her chance.

Yes totaly but also what would you not collect the points .The business gives them out with
money spent and OP asked if ever card abs didn’t have one . I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t have said “oh I will use my card “ save the waste

pinkfondu · 21/12/2023 10:20

I would have done the same....and have been asked in shops before by the person in front of I had one so they could give them to me.

IveOnlyEverHeardOutwithONHere · 21/12/2023 10:20

She’s bonkers.

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 21/12/2023 10:22

Thelondonone · 21/12/2023 04:34

All those people saying they wouldn’t collect the points, why not? If i bought 20 meal deals from Tesco on behalf of my colleagues, I would definitely use my clubcard-I got off my arse and went to the shop.

So would I.

They are loyalty points FFS and the woman didn't have a card. She sounds weird.

Seaside3 · 21/12/2023 10:22

I.would have given her the £2 or whatever it equated to, and said they're you go a d left.

Nothing makes people feel smaller than realising how petty they are.

uclpp · 21/12/2023 10:24

You did nothing wrong.

You asked her if she had a points account, she said no.

You took the points, they would otherwise have been wasted.

In any case, the points seem like a reasonable perk for collecting the food.

She sounds like a spoilt madam.

ActDottie · 21/12/2023 10:25

I’d have collected the points. You have her the opportunity to and she said no. You’ve done nothing wrong. But given her reaction I probably wouldn’t go back to the dance class.

uclpp · 21/12/2023 10:25

What you should have done (and I appreciate this is with the benefit of hindsight) is to say:

I checked you had no points account

I therefore scanned my card

I am confused by why you think I have done anything wrong

And stayed - why should you need to leave? She's in the wrong.

willWillSmithsmith · 21/12/2023 10:29

As far as I can make out she wasn’t any more entitled to those points than anyone else. You all paid for the food so why would she be the one to get them just because she’s hosting? Or am I missing something?

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 21/12/2023 10:30

WandaWonder · 21/12/2023 03:59

the points thing to me is not related to the party - if the OP did not wanted money to pay for petrol etc. then say ask or dn't do what was done

The points to me has nothing to do with it, I would not have taken the points and people can justify it to themselves all they want

There is nothing to justify.

The woman said no, it's not as if OP didn't ask. Why let the points go to waste?

A lot of places there is a limited amount of days to get the points too.

Fraaahnces · 21/12/2023 10:33

Email her and let her know that you left so that she didn’t embarrass herself further. You DID ask her and she said that she didn’t want them. How dare she accuse you of being a thief AFTER you had asked her. Demand an apology for her hostile attempt to humiliate you publicly over something SHE didn’t want in the first place.

NoTouch · 21/12/2023 10:38

You did nothing wrong and certainly nothing deserving of childish name calling.

It is a difficult one as you want your dd to continue at the class so want to keep relations amicable with the owner, but don't accept you did anything wrong and do not let her treat you badly.

Chipsahoyagain · 21/12/2023 10:41

willWillSmithsmith · 21/12/2023 10:29

As far as I can make out she wasn’t any more entitled to those points than anyone else. You all paid for the food so why would she be the one to get them just because she’s hosting? Or am I missing something?

Good point.

The only thing would be to ask if she was ok if you got them because you knew beforehand about it.

She was so out of order humiliating you that way. Unacceptable.

I was with a friend recently and I had my point card to somewhere she does really frequent. Even though we both paid, I asked if I could collect it. It would have made no difference to her but just out of courtesy.

But pp made a good point, it wasn't her points either to collect.

BowlOfNoodles · 21/12/2023 10:42

Noway on earth wouid my child be around her ever again

Just1MoreMinute · 21/12/2023 10:43

Technically the speaking the points should have been distributed between the people who put money towards the party food - so she’s totally in the wrong. If anybody needs to ‘claim’ points it is the parents who contributed towards food.

I suggest you just concentrate on your daughter and forget what anybody says. It’s understandable that you are upset, but it is her who is in the wrong so don’t let it upset you. Next time you go in, head held high and don’t make chit chat. Never volunteer again with her.

itsmyp4rty · 21/12/2023 10:45

She didn't pay for the food and you went and picked up the food - so I think the points were yours.
Even if she felt differently she handled the situation extremely unprofessionally. I wouldn't be taking my daughter to her classes any more.

Daphnis156 · 21/12/2023 10:50

It was you taking the points (wrongly, there is no doubt for me) that caused all the unpleasantness.
I wouldn't call it theft, or greediness, but incorrect.
You now have an unfortunate reputation.
Don't stir the situation further, though I suspect you already have done so.

MargotBamborough · 21/12/2023 10:54

Daphnis156 · 21/12/2023 10:50

It was you taking the points (wrongly, there is no doubt for me) that caused all the unpleasantness.
I wouldn't call it theft, or greediness, but incorrect.
You now have an unfortunate reputation.
Don't stir the situation further, though I suspect you already have done so.

No, it was the person who behaved unpleasantly who caused all the unpleasantness. That's the teacher.

Any normal person would have just shrugged this off and not made a scene.

CandyLeBonBon · 21/12/2023 10:55

But HOW are they the dance teacher's points @Daphnis156 ?

MadeForThis · 21/12/2023 10:58

I would expect an apology from the teacher. Shouting and name calling is totally unacceptable.

YouStupidGirl · 21/12/2023 10:59

I can't believe this happened.
If it really did, she is a nasty, batshit cow.