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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
Stacybrown · 21/12/2023 11:03

You collected the food and I would argue it’s not her points to get, it’s each individual parent who has paid for their child.
you have done nothing wrong and she over reacted.

Yetisquare · 21/12/2023 11:05

Also, the points actually don't belong to the owner! She never paid for any of these meals, the parents did according to OP.
Sorry, but I'd be having stern words with her, it's never OK to dress anyone down like that, especially over something so trivial.

Hayliebells · 21/12/2023 11:05

I don't think you did anything wrong. And if there wasn't a very good reason why my daughter needed to attend this particular dance class, I'd be taking my business elsewhere. You checked if she wanted to use the rewards scheme, she didn't. Rude woman.

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 21/12/2023 11:06

@Daphnis156 please answer why they are the teachers points.

I suppose OP could have asked everyone if they had a reward card then put each item through seperately. Which is ridiculous and the person on the till and anyone in the queue wouldn't have been very happy.

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/12/2023 11:08

@KingsleyBorder Gosh thankyou for that, the thread is significantly improved now that you've corrected that error for me, what would we do without you eh!

Catza · 21/12/2023 11:08

Maybe someone already suggested it but as a passive-aggressive act I would send a message to the group whatsapp saying "It has come to my attention that some were unhappy about me collecting points for the meal last week. As a result, I am going to transfer each person paying for the meal 3 cents to reimburse you for the loss of loyalty points. Merry Christmas".
The teacher is no more entitled to points than you so above is the only fair way. I can't imagine loyalty being worth more than half a dollar each.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/12/2023 11:10

I’d have asked at the time if she minded me collecting the points.

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 21/12/2023 11:10

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/12/2023 11:08

@KingsleyBorder Gosh thankyou for that, the thread is significantly improved now that you've corrected that error for me, what would we do without you eh!

😂Hope you enjoyed your little English lesson.

Fraaahnces · 21/12/2023 11:12

I like the PA response to the group. Also, I would add that this is the last time I would go out of my way to collect the food, and an apology for being called a greedy thief in public is not out of order.

Twins3007 · 21/12/2023 11:13

but the parents paid per child for the party which I presume included the food, If I had gone and collected the food I would of took the points, same as my Tesco clubcard if I pick up shopping for work or other people I use my clubcard which also collects points and receive vouchers to cash in at Tescos, I wouldn't see this as thieving at all in fact the op probably had more right to the points than the dance teacher !

pleasehelpwi3 · 21/12/2023 11:14

You asked, and were told that she didn't want the points.
Rather than let those points go to waste, you took them. Good for you! I would have done exactly the same thing- indeed I'm fairly sure I have!

the80sweregreat · 21/12/2023 11:21

She's being unreasonable! What a cow
You did nothing wrong

Swishyfishy · 21/12/2023 11:25

If there is a group WhatsApp, OP, I think I'd work out the monetary value of the points and say something along the lines of "Dance Teacher has accused me of being a thief. To clarify, I did ask her if she had a loyalty card for the restaurant and she said she 'didn't bother with those things', so when I went to collect the food I collected the points on my card. I have worked out that the monetary value of the points ….
….as 12p which I could move into dance teachers account, however food transport costs supersede this’

penjil · 21/12/2023 11:31

You collected the food on her behalf...she shouldn't take issue with collecting the points. She should be glad you could use them!

She declined, them anyway.

Too bad for her. And shaming you at the party is awful.

Tell her precisely what you think, don't apologise and find another dance class.

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 21/12/2023 11:31

Swishyfishy · 21/12/2023 11:25

If there is a group WhatsApp, OP, I think I'd work out the monetary value of the points and say something along the lines of "Dance Teacher has accused me of being a thief. To clarify, I did ask her if she had a loyalty card for the restaurant and she said she 'didn't bother with those things', so when I went to collect the food I collected the points on my card. I have worked out that the monetary value of the points ….
….as 12p which I could move into dance teachers account, however food transport costs supersede this’

I think I would have to do this. She behaved appallingly (the teacher not OP).

wronginalltherightways · 21/12/2023 11:32

THe owner behaved terribly.

She declined the points when you asked AND went on to say she never did those things anyway.

She didn't even pay for the meals, the other parents did.

And then to call you a thief in front of the other parents! Wow. I would be so, so angry.

I would tell her I expect a full apology, in view of other parents, for her gross over reaction.

Sjh15 · 21/12/2023 11:38

in all honesty, I would have done the same as you, and I would have caused a right scene if someone tried calling me a thief.
you asked the owner, they didn’t have one, you went and collected I’d have done the same.
The person kicking off is very unreasonable. They should have collected the food

Noodles1234 · 21/12/2023 11:44

I’d have collected the points, you checked and if another parent collected they would have done.

don’t sweat it and most parents would have done what you did. CF calling you out like that, call it payment for going to collect it and nowadays loyalty points are not worth all the hassle.

Diamondcurtains · 21/12/2023 11:47

Bull! She didn’t pay for the food the parents did! I’d remind her if that and I’d pull her up about the way she spoke to you. I’d look for another dance class also.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 21/12/2023 11:57

Doingmybest12 · 21/12/2023 07:23

You should've just asked for the points for your daughters meal. Anything else and it was a chance to get away with points for food you'd not paid for. I guess it's how that sits with you for a few pence. Yes you volunteered but you didn't say I'll volunteer but can I have the points, the petrol money etc. She sounds very unprofessional though having a go at you.

If the food was paid for altogether I don't think she could ask for only her share of the points and I don't think the cashier is able to provide a separate receipt. I was in boots I bought an item that had a massive tag on and the lady asked for our receipt she did say that if we hadn't had our receipt she wouldn't be able to get another one. We would have to rely on CCTV.

tiktokoclock · 21/12/2023 12:08

I would NOT be texting to apologise. She owes the apology, not you.
She had no 'rights' to the points. If every parent paid for their own child, they each 'deserve' their own points. You, arguably more so, because you went and picked them up, as a favour.

If I were to text her, it would be to point that out - and that her grabby nature and unprofessional histrionics are behind your decision to withdraw your daughter. But that depends if it the right thing for you and your daughter.

RuthW · 21/12/2023 12:09

AliceOlive · 21/12/2023 03:51

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong at all. It would be difficult for me to return after that.

This.

I wouldn't be going back.

GreenFields07 · 21/12/2023 12:10

She's absolutely mental, you did nothing wrong OP. If anything the loyalty points should belong to the parents who paid for the meals, she's entitled to absolutely none of them unless she had a meal herself. And if I was a parent at the dance school I would find it hysterical if someone offered me in the region of 10p for my share of the points!! It would probably cost more than that to transfer it amongst them all and what a waste of time. Personally id be finding a new dance school, its not about the points or the money, but if anyone spoke to me that way, even in private nevermind public, id lose my shit and they'd have more problems than some loyalty points!

MrsWombat · 21/12/2023 12:12

You were being slightly cheeky, but if she's running a business that relies on the goodwill of parents to go and get food for her she's being really cheeky. Did the parent helpers get a thank-you gift?

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 21/12/2023 12:19

Was it from McDonald's? Their loyalty scheme is actually quite generous and with minimal points you can start getting free food. A large party of children each paying £15 each would be LOADS of points, you'd get enough free food for several people. If it is McDs it was a bit unfair of you to take the points as the dance club owner could have used them for another party for other children. You will now have a ridiculous amount of points/free food just for your family.

I also see why she wouldn't have understood - they're not like supermarket points. They are very easy to get, you don't need an account as such (you do but it's only giving an email address, takes 30 seconds) and they translate immediately into free food. If it was McDonald's she will see it like you've taken party food away from other kids to eat with your family yourself.

If its not McDs, of course, ignore me!