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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 21/12/2023 09:37

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 09:35

Stealing is stealing. The OP had no right to the points, nor did the dance teacher, really, although it's morally iffy. The parents paid the dance teacher to arrange a party and buy food (included in the $15) so the money paid is now the dance teacher's money because she is arranging the party and sorting out paying for it. In her place, I would tell the parents about the points system and ask whether they think the points should be collected, as this could go towards the next party, after all. The OP was in the wrong to take the points; whoever they belonged to, they were not hers. It's not the money I am interested in, it's the lack of ethics. You don't do things like that unless you have permission, and the OP did not.

Edited
Show quote history

You do realise we are talking pennies, right?

OP volunteered to collect the food, in her own car, using her own petrol. I can't believe any sane person would get worked up about points.

Butchyrestingface · 21/12/2023 09:37

Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?!

Well, I can see why this would have been the nice thing to do, and I can also see why she doesn't think you should have collected the points.

But her behaviour is so OTT and outrageous that it really invalidates any point she might have. I would not be taking your daughter back to her classes. If she carries on like that with an adult in front of witnesses, God knows what she could be like in charge of a class of kids.

Sugarsun · 21/12/2023 09:37

She was very rude and over the top but you were very cheeky.

At work we often have to shop at supermarkets and can reclaim the money, but you’re never allowed to use your points cards as it’s not your own personal shopping.

The owner of the dance school could use those points to put towards the class in future, but you took what would have been a lot of points all for yourself.

You should have asked if it was ok to do.
It wasn’t your money, or your class.

DeeLusional · 21/12/2023 09:37

You were doing her a favour. You asked if she had an account to collect the points. She said she "never bothered with those things". I would have collected the points as well. She behaved really unprofessionally to you in front of other clients. Far from apologising to her, I would be asking HER for an apology. Her next actions would decide whether I went back or not.

3peassuit · 21/12/2023 09:41

She was out of order. If I were you, I’d be looking for a new dance class.

TheHumanSatsuma · 21/12/2023 09:42

Work out the monetary value of the points. It’s usually very little.
Make a big point of paying her back “As it obviously means so much to her”

Then politely say that you will not be going out of your way to help her in future.
If you want to be really picky, ask her to pay for your petrol!

LondonLass91 · 21/12/2023 09:47

Yeah, tell her to fuck off! How dare she shame you after you asked her and after you were good enough to volunteer and collect the food. I'd actually have whispered to her 'don't talk to me like dirt under your shoe ever again or this is gonna become a real fucking problem'. Mind you i'm a cockney so maybe not....

LondonLass91 · 21/12/2023 09:47

TheHumanSatsuma · 21/12/2023 09:42

Work out the monetary value of the points. It’s usually very little.
Make a big point of paying her back “As it obviously means so much to her”

Then politely say that you will not be going out of your way to help her in future.
If you want to be really picky, ask her to pay for your petrol!

Yeah, this is better than my 'fuck off' suggestion actually...

DeeLusional · 21/12/2023 09:48

I would only sarcastically offer the monetary value if I wasn't taking my child back to the class, lest the flaky teacher take it out on her.

caringcarer · 21/12/2023 09:49

The points would have gone to waste if you didn't get them and you asked her first so I don't see an issue. If it's McDonalds I always donate the points anyway. You are not a thief and she shouldn't have made that accusation. I'd be moving my DD after this.

CandyLeBonBon · 21/12/2023 09:50

Sugarsun · 21/12/2023 09:37

She was very rude and over the top but you were very cheeky.

At work we often have to shop at supermarkets and can reclaim the money, but you’re never allowed to use your points cards as it’s not your own personal shopping.

The owner of the dance school could use those points to put towards the class in future, but you took what would have been a lot of points all for yourself.

You should have asked if it was ok to do.
It wasn’t your money, or your class.

Well it wasn't the owner's personal shopping either, was it? The owner didn't pay for the food - the parents did - and the OP used her own petrol to collect it all.

Perhaps the OP should put in an invoice for mileage?

Dentistlakes · 21/12/2023 09:51

A completely disproportionate response from the teacher. If I were one of the other parents, I would be removing my child from her class. I simply wouldn’t want someone like that near my child.

You didn’t do anything wrong op. You asked her if she wanted the points and she declined.

Wetblanket78 · 21/12/2023 09:52

She obviously decided she wanted to because of it being a big order and it was worth it. I wouldn't have collected the points though. It wasn't my money that paid for the food so not mine to take.

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/12/2023 09:52

Do you know who this is? This is the toddler with the cutted up pear, all grown up!

IMustDoMoreExercise · 21/12/2023 09:53

She is a nasty petty person. How much were the points worth anway?

Mornusting · 21/12/2023 09:59

If I were one of the parents and saw that I would be questioning how long it was before she turned on me. It's not a good business advertisement.

Denimdenimdenim · 21/12/2023 09:59

I can't believe she got upset like that. Very childish

Beautiful3 · 21/12/2023 10:00

I honestly don't think you were cheeky at all. It wasn't her money to collect the points was it?! Because all the parents contributed towards the food. I'd rather you used the points as you volunteered to collect the food, and used fuel and your time. Honest she's being so ridiculous 🙄 You even asked her if she wanted the points, and she said no! I'd ignore her now, stop apologising.

1983Louise · 21/12/2023 10:00

Of course you're not a thief, I'd have done the same, why waste them. Do not apologise and find your daughter another class, she sounds horrible.

Workway · 21/12/2023 10:01

I would write the facts out in a WhatsApp/group Facebook. I wouldn't be sarcastic about the monetary value of the points - it will just make you look petty.

I would say,

I am shocked as a grown woman to be 'told off' for something that simply isn't true. To set the record straight - I asked 'owner' whether she had a loyalty card for the food. She said she didn't, and didn't bother with such schemes. As I was the one collecting the food - I collected the points upon paying. My good deed, petrol, and time was berated. My daughter will not be returning to X school as honestly, I think the teacher is quite unhinged after today's performance and I don't think anyone with such a distorted view of reality and prone to explosive outbursts should be in charge of 6yr olds (or whatever the age is).

Then I honestly wouldn't look back. If I was one of the other parents and this was the situation, I'd be pulling my child out too because the woman does sound batshit.

MzHz · 21/12/2023 10:02

WandaWonder · 21/12/2023 04:23

Stealing like stealing a perfume no, would i take something I am not entilted too no

Show quote history

But she WAS entitled to them, she was the one picking up the order in her time and on her gas.

she asked was told that they didn’t collect the points

@Lolabear38 stand your ground and turn it back on her “I asked, you said you don’t do loyalty cards, I do. I went to collect the order, you didn’t. What in earth makes you believe you’re entitled to behave like this towards me? You’re not. So pack it in!”

NoraBattysCurlers · 21/12/2023 10:03

Nobody in their right mind would get worked up about the points.

The OP went to the effort and expense of collecting the meals. As it was the parents collectively who paid for the meals, I think she had more claim to the points than the owner.

@Lolabear38, I would remove your child straight away. The owner's behaviour was absolutely appalling. If she can behave like this to an adult, I would hate to think what she would do to a child.

RethinkingLife · 21/12/2023 10:09

How many points was the order worth (I've no idea if it was 8 orders or 40) and how much is the future discount worth? 5% 10%?

The monetary value of the points is nowhere, of course.

I've no idea where in the US you are and if this affects the cultural way in which this is viewed by the teacher and others. (I'm in the UK and I'd be horrified to have witnessed the teacher behaving in that way.)

Shodan · 21/12/2023 10:10

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 09:16

You should not have collected the points, they are not yours. Mind, if everyone chipped in (in the sense they are actually buying their own DC's food) they are not hers either! It's a minefield, so no-one should have collected the points, certainly not you. Apologise and find another dance school because everyone at this one is going to remember this because it is stealing and you were unreasonable (and a bit sleazy, really, rather than greedy) to take them.

Actually, some of the points were the OP's, since she paid for her daughter to attend the party, which included the food. It is the dance teacher who didn't have any right to any of the points, let alone all of them. The points belong to the people who paid for the food- which is the parents.

If there is a group WhatsApp, OP, I think I'd work out the monetary value of the points and say something along the lines of "Dance Teacher has accused me of being a thief. To clarify, I did ask her if she had a loyalty card for the restaurant and she said she 'didn't bother with those things', so when I went to collect the food I collected the points on my card. I have worked out that the monetary value of the points divided by the number of parents who paid for the food is 10p per person- please let me know your bank details if you would like me to transfer this amount to you."

GoingDownLikeBHS · 21/12/2023 10:15

Utter fucking madness but even more worrying some people on here supporting the spiteful dance class woman. How in gods name is it wrong to have a few points? And the debate about it on here?! I think @Shodan is right, distribute the % of pennies to each parent. Not sure what the bank would think - in Sainsbury's (UK) it something like 0001% of a penny per point.

In the meantime, your poor DD. I hope she's not been upset by it all.