To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

[Lolabear38]

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

She’s the cheeky cow here!

The Parents paid for their own kids meals so she wasn’t entitled to any points at all. She simply ordered them and you PAID for your own kids meal and kindly volunteered to collect all the meals.

I’d be making it very clear that she’s the cheeky one here, especially by trying to shame you in front of the other parents. You need to set her straight and ask for an apology, otherwise, she’ll think she can walk all over you in the future.

In general, businesses have to be aware that employees collecting loyalty points on their personal accounts for business purchases because it creates a taxable benefit in kind/pecuniary advantage. A lot of employers specifically ban this due to it representing a substantial sum for whoever has the job of making what could be significant purchases.

In addition, it's very possible, such as with Clubcard, that the scheme terms and conditions specifically exclude businesses.

Not strictly relevant in this context, as OP is not an employee, but it does show that HMRC regard this as the person collecting the points is legally receiving 'money' by doing so, which is what the owner has now realised (and freaked out over) - and it could be useful for anybody reading this that makes purchases for their employer to realise that it could turn out to be a problem come audit.

"Tell her to fuck off"............LOVE it, @Icouldbehappy !!!

The points would have been wasted (you didn't know she might join the reward scheme later) had you not collected them.
I don't think you did anything wrong.

No, not cheeky at all. Why does she have any more rights to the points than you? If anything the parents paying for the meals owned the points for each individual meal. You gave your time and probably petrol to collect .
She acted appallingly kicking off in public.

I'm assuming the food was for the kids? So the likelyhood is, the dance club owner hadn't actually contributed to the cost of any of the food, so what right did she have to say she wanted the points anyway?! Op, yanbu, you went out of your way to collect the food for everyone else, using your vehicle, and your time. Would have been silly to let the points go to waste, and you even checked first she didn't want them, which is more than most would have. She has potentially now lost your daughter as a member, and the monthly fees that she receives from that, over a few bloody fast food points, that you first asked if she wanted... and she said no! She sounds idiotic. I really feel for you, how unprofessional and horrible of her to make you feel like that infront of the others, over something so completely ridiculous. It would have been a nightmare to try and divvy out the points among all the parents, and would have only worked if everyone had individually paid for and collected their own food. You did everyone a favour by doing that for them, so they should be grateful, and if it were me, I would have wanted you to have the points, plus would have probably suggested everyone put in a few pence extra to get a coffee for the one who offered to collect the food. You definitely aren't in the wrong here.

Have you got a group WhatsApp? I’d send her a message to say you don’t appreciate being called a thief. She was offered the points, declined and so you didn’t want to waste them. You all paid for the food so as the volunteer who collected the food you had a right to collect them anyway! What a stupid cow.

I would find your daughter a new dance class. Completely out of order and unprofessional to speak to you like that, regardless of whether you should have taken the points or not. I don't see an issue with you having them personally.

She's horrible

Got her publicly shaming her I would, like a PP suggested, calculate the worth of the points and give that money to her.

And never volunteer for her again.

Dear Dance Teacher

I have not been able to stop thinking about our altercation yesterday where you called me a thief in front of all the other parents. Your outburst was unwarranted on so many levels. Firstly and most importantly I asked if you collected the loyalty points you said ‘no’ and that you never bother. I took them as it was a case of them going to waste. Secondly all the parents had paid for the food individually, YOU didn’t pay for your students, the parents did. They were no more your points than mine. Thirdly, l have roughly worked out the loyalty points work out to be worth £3.50 or equivalent of a happy meal and a milkshake. I have transferred the money to your account. I see your point that it may have been cheeky of me to take the points had I NOT ASKED you if you collected them, but I did, so that’s a mute point.

Two things that really upset me about this incident yesterday was the fact you flew off at me in front of so many parents who wouldn’t have been aware I DID ASK YOU and the fact the my daughter Emily will not be returning to dance class. Your outburst yesterday highlighted just how unprofessional you are and please accept this as formal notice of termination of her classes.

Enjoy your free Happy Meal.

Joanne Bloggs

I meant to type "for her publicly shaming you"

(Sorry, can't edit in the app)

I’d have collected the points too. As pp said you used your car and petrol to get the food.

I remember once at the self checkout in Boots a lovely American lady insisted I had her points as she didn’t have an Advantage card. So kind of her.

Ask her why she though she had more right to the points than you, and point out that if you are greedy she was too.

I would be thinking seriously about moving my child to another class. This woman sounds really immature.

this is perfect. Post this on the group WhatsApp / Facebook page.

Haven’t rtft but yes she can get stuffed, she’s sounds unhinged.

You should not have collected the points, they are not yours. Mind, if everyone chipped in (in the sense they are actually buying their own DC's food) they are not hers either! It's a minefield, so no-one should have collected the points, certainly not you. Apologise and find another dance school because everyone at this one is going to remember this because it is stealing and you were unreasonable (and a bit sleazy, really, rather than greedy) to take them.

This woman’s behaviour speaks more about her than it does about you. If I were another parent it wouldn’t have bothered me at all but my eyes would be opened to this woman and how she chooses to act, how embarrassing of her. I think as all parents paid for the food and as you were the parent that went and collected it you should have the points. It’s only fair. Don’t apologise. Id be strongly pointing out how she was not even entitled to those points as she didn’t even pay! Straight up CF from her. You did the courtesy of offering though which is more than many would have done. I also would be telling her in no uncertain terms that if she wants to be slanderous and call you a thief which is VERY damaging to your character then I’d be threatening to take it further. Unless she wants to issue full and transparent apology in writing of course. What a nasty, ungrateful little drama sponge she is.

What that woman said was unforgivable and I would not have my DC think it was OK for someone to falsely accuse me of theft/greediness and then carry on using her service. Explain to DC the woman called Mummy a very bad name because she’s not nice so we’ll be finding a class with a nice person running it.

Message the woman (preferably on a public group as PPs said) something like:

‘I’m disgusted at your behaviour towards me on whatever day. You said you did not want the food points as you didn’t bother with those things. It was perfectly reasonable for me to shove them on my card seeing as they would have been wasted if I hadn’t. There was no loss to you as you couldn’t have got them retrospectively after you changed your mind. Myself and the other parents actually paid for the food, not you so you had no moral entitlement to the points anyway but as you’re so ridiculously petty, please let the other parents know I am happy to give them the cash value of the points for their child’s meal minus my fuel and time costs in picking the food up = 2 cents each. BTW you’ve now lost a customer as my DD will not be returning to your classes. If you speak to and treat parents like that in public, I’d hate to think how you speak to and treat the children when parents aren’t there.’

If the OP sends any of the inflammatory messages suggested making the dance teacher the person in the wrong, then she has no moral sense. It is not how much you steal, but that you steal. She should apologise and hand over the money if possible. I don't do points cards either, because I do not like being tracked by the people I am buying from, but I would not expect someone else to collect points on my spending (or joint spending in this case) unless I had said it was okay. The OP did not ask the dance teacher if it was okay for her to collect the points, only whether the dance teacher collected them. The teacher said she did not, but that is not permission for the OP to take them instead. If someone did do this to me I would not go through the roof, I'd just think they were a bit mean-spirited and make a point of never asking them to do such an errand again, if possible.

Am I missing something? If all the parents had paid their $15 share of this bill, why is this woman more entitled to the points than the OP?

By this logic the teacher would also have been "stealing" the points if she had taken them herself because she did not pay for all the food.

What are you talking about, "hand over the money"? What money? Do you really think she should be doling out a few pennies to each of the parents? How ridiculous.

'Stealing'? The OP didn't run off with the food money or falsify the receipt. If I was one of the other parents, I'd be glad that the person picking up the food had collected the points, rather than them going to waste. I'd see it as a 'reward' for volunteering to collect the food.

Stealing is stealing. The OP had no right to the points, nor did the dance teacher, really, although it's morally iffy. The parents paid the dance teacher to arrange a party and buy food (included in the $15) so the money paid is now the dance teacher's money because she is arranging the party and sorting out paying for it. In her place, I would tell the parents about the points system and ask whether they think the points should be collected, as this could go towards the next party, after all. The OP was in the wrong to take the points; whoever they belonged to, they were not hers. It's not the money I am interested in, it's the lack of ethics. You don't do things like that unless you have permission, and the OP did not.

I would work out the monetary value of the points and post her a cheque and remove your child from the group.