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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
DragonMama3 · 21/12/2023 23:34

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 23:23

But why would she ask the dance person? The points weren't hers?

Show quote history

She did. Dance lady said no.

Loubelle70 · 21/12/2023 23:41

Tell her the points made up for you going out your way to pick up everyone's food...anymore shit...tell her next time to tap dance down there herself

ErikaReadsTheDailyMail · 22/12/2023 00:06

If it's McDonald's why not donate them to the Ronald McDonald children's charity (via the app) and let her know that?

JMSA · 22/12/2023 00:07

She's nuts and completely unprofessional!
YANBU.

AuntMarch · 22/12/2023 00:12

Hoping OP has an update soon. And that the dance teacher feels like a twat. Imagine going off like that when if anything, morally OP has more right to the points having actually paid towards the order and used her time and car to collect!

BoyMamma2 · 22/12/2023 01:52

@Grammarnut are you the dance teacher?

I'd be looking for a new dance school - what an over reaction!

treacledan71 · 22/12/2023 03:47

You did nothing wrong. You asked. I get a lot of stuff from tesco that I expense and use my club card. Work are fine.

Original poster
Lolabear38 · 22/12/2023 05:06

ErikaReadsTheDailyMail · 22/12/2023 00:06

If it's McDonald's why not donate them to the Ronald McDonald children's charity (via the app) and let her know that?

This is a great idea and I would do so, unfortunately though it isn’t McDonalds.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 22/12/2023 05:42

I hope another school works out for you op. My dd moved dance schools from a local one to a larger school in the local city with a brilliant reputation at about your DD’s age. She wanted to take exams and the local one didn’t offer them... and tbh dd wouldn’t have got where she is today in that school even if they did. She is now 15 and didn’t look back. The teaching is top notch and the shows are amazing.

NotARealWookiie · 22/12/2023 05:58

I don’t think you’ve dong anything wrong here. None of the parents paying for meals were collecting the food so wouldn’t have got the points. If I was one of those parents I would have been happy for the volunteer collecting them to have the points.

im glad some of the other parents are checking in with you, this seems to reflect that you are being very reasonable but have been badly treated.

ChimChimeny · 22/12/2023 06:04

None of the parents paying for meals were collecting the food so wouldn’t have got the points. If I was one of those parents I would have been happy for the volunteer collecting them to have the points

Yes I agree, the points were your reward for using your car and time to collect the food.

RecycleMePlease · 22/12/2023 06:11

You did nothing wrong. At my work they're happy for us to collect the points/whatever for flights/holidays/meals. In fact HR have called me to see if I have accounts with specific hotels and had me set them up if I didn't, just so points didn't go to waste.

Willmafrockfit · 22/12/2023 06:35

so glad you sent that email

mcmooberry · 22/12/2023 06:35

She was totally in the wrong here, so glad you were able to let her know and were stopped from writing a grovelling apology. I would also be looking to move dance schools. Will look forward to hearing her response.

ilovepuppies2019 · 22/12/2023 07:20

Is the dance teaching Abby Miller? 😆I could completely see her losing it at one of the mums over something like this.

Redhead1212 · 22/12/2023 07:22

It’s not unreasonable. You already stated that parents paid for tickets to this party, therefore everyone paid for their own child’s food, not the organiser. so actually, the owner could be considered to be stealing the points if she had collected them.

CandyLeBonBon · 22/12/2023 07:27

ilovepuppies2019 · 22/12/2023 07:20

Is the dance teaching Abby Miller? 😆I could completely see her losing it at one of the mums over something like this.

I thought similar!

GingerScallop · 22/12/2023 07:32

indeed. and technically speaking, the points are not the dance lady's either since the money she used to buy the food was contributions from every parents.
Cut your contract with her op. She was hurtful a unprofessional. Hopefully there is something nearby your daughter can do

Mumof2girls2121 · 22/12/2023 07:39

I’d have used the points too! Seems more silly not to have done!
no one has a right to have a melt down at you in front of other parents, maybe the organising of the party got to her, but still unpleasant

CommonOrNot · 22/12/2023 08:09

Don’t dare apologise. You’ve done nothing wrong at all and they weren’t her points anyway if everyone paid for their own child. Fucking hell what a mountain out of a mole hill. I’d be expected a very sincere - very public - apology. She’s embarrassed you publicly so she can apologise publicly. Horrible cow.

Bringnbuy77 · 22/12/2023 08:23

The points are not hers, everyone had paid for their meals including you so actually more yours than hers anyway, I don’t think you did anything wrong. Was she going to ask each individual family if she could have their points -no!

Stressedoutmammy · 22/12/2023 08:40

The

DSN88 · 22/12/2023 08:55

You’ve done nothing wrong, only her by showing she’s not a nice person to speak to you like that afterwards! If you were doing a food shop for someone at say, Tesco, and you asked if they had a clubcard and they said no….you’re hardly going to not use yours and let the points go to waste. It’s not your job to explain the points system to her either. Think she needs to apologise to you and if not be volunteering to help next time!

Ramalangadingdong · 22/12/2023 08:56

I have just read your post again and see absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. As far as you were aware those points were going to waste. I wonder why the other mum persuaded her to change her mind.

Ramalangadingdong · 22/12/2023 08:57

DSN88 · 22/12/2023 08:55

You’ve done nothing wrong, only her by showing she’s not a nice person to speak to you like that afterwards! If you were doing a food shop for someone at say, Tesco, and you asked if they had a clubcard and they said no….you’re hardly going to not use yours and let the points go to waste. It’s not your job to explain the points system to her either. Think she needs to apologise to you and if not be volunteering to help next time!

This. Fancy treating someone who volunteered to help you like that. She had op running around fetching meals...the least she could do was let her have the points. What an idiot. I'm pleased for you and your daughter to go elsewhere.

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