Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 21/12/2023 20:54

m00rfarm · 21/12/2023 20:37

The points should have been for the people who paid for the meals. And that was NOT the teacher. In fact, anyone BUT the teacher should have taken the points. I am not sure if you are actually really stupid, or you did not read the thread.

Show quote history

I may be really stupid, because I haven't got a clue what you are talking about. OR - you may be thick.

I'm going for the second alternative. You might try reading my post properly, and the one it was in response to. And the others I have posted here.

m00rfarm · 21/12/2023 20:57

Emotionalsupportviper · 21/12/2023 20:54

I may be really stupid, because I haven't got a clue what you are talking about. OR - you may be thick.

I'm going for the second alternative. You might try reading my post properly, and the one it was in response to. And the others I have posted here.

Show quote history

Urgh - sorry - it was the person you were quoting and I thought I deleted your post and left the quoted one (doing it on my phone). The post that said that the teacher should have had the points is the one to which I was referring. Not to your response!

Dibbydoos · 21/12/2023 21:00

You voluntarily helped out, she didn't want the points then changed her mind. That's on her.

I think the other parents will be reconsidering if they should use her again. Her reaction was OTT and very inappropriately dealt with.

Clear the air with her but don't mince your words about how mortifying her behaviour was and that she's made it hard for you to bring your daughter to her classes.

Emotionalsupportviper · 21/12/2023 21:12

m00rfarm · 21/12/2023 20:57

Urgh - sorry - it was the person you were quoting and I thought I deleted your post and left the quoted one (doing it on my phone). The post that said that the teacher should have had the points is the one to which I was referring. Not to your response!

Show quote history

Apology accepted.

I have to admit I wondered where you were coming from..

And I apologise for being snotty. Grin

Mostlyoblivious · 21/12/2023 21:27

inamarina · 21/12/2023 19:23

it can be classed as theft

Who are the points stolen from though? Possibly from some of the other parents if they too were in possession of a loyalty card.
They could have gone with the OP though if they wanted to collect their points?

Show quote history

They’re taken from the other parents. Agreed, they didn’t go fetch the food etc. I’m not blaming or judging OP here, I’m just saying the fact that it can be classed as theft. I found this out in my first job out of uni whilst running errands in Tesco - they wouldn’t let me have the club card points and explained why as the company I worked for were paying, not myself. I also read about a woman with nectar points - don’t remember the details but I think I remember police were involved and she was banned from Sainsburys - it sticks in my mind as it seemed a large response to ‘just points’.

anyway: the dance teacher is ridiculous - I am keen to see what she tried to defend herself with in her response to OP’s email!

Magicmama92 · 21/12/2023 21:27

Whilst I wouldn't have taken the points her reaction is ridiculous.
You asked her about it and she declined. So it's not like you just did it without asking.
Also you've given up time to collect and drive so she should have just said I wasn't really fully aware next time I think I will do that. No need to be so rude over a points scheme. I'd inbox her saying that whilst your sorry she sees it as stealing once you'd asked her and she'd said know you thought you'd use them and if she'd said she wanted them when you asked you would not have. Screaming at you in front of everyone was extremely unprofessional and over a point scheme is just not necessary. I'd be looking for a new dance school. How uncomfortable would you be now? And if she explodes over that what's she like with other things?

Magicmama92 · 21/12/2023 21:31

Just seen your updates lol.
Yikes. I'd be looking at a different dance school if she doesn't respond and be professional.

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2023 21:32

YANBU and I'd be removing my child from her dance school for talking to me like that.

I'd also cancel the direct debit and not tell her. She could work it out for herself that I'd left and hopefully it'd take her a while to do that admin/fill your child's place.

Ejismyf · 21/12/2023 21:35

They weren't actually her points either, it was the parents who paid for their child's meals.

AGoingConcern · 21/12/2023 21:41

For people talking about businesses or government orgs having policies about points... those policies exist primarily to prevent employees from directing/manipulating spending in order to benefit themselves. They're most similar to policies about individuals who review vendor proposals not being allowed to accept kickbacks on the side. It's just irrelevant to OP's situation of a group of parents chipping in for their children's party.

Fivepigeons · 21/12/2023 21:52

Considering that you asked her I'd she had the reward scheme thing and she said no she wasnt interested.. I do not think it was unreasonable of you to collect the points at all. She is batshit. She's angry at you because she made the wrong decision. Plus it was kind of you to go pick up the food at all. She just sounds like a dickhead tbh... if I'd overheard her shouting at you like that I've thought badly of her not you. I would have thought 'wow what a psycho'

Lindalove · 21/12/2023 22:04

I think the OP was a OOO in all honesty. She should have asked the dance person if it was okay to collect the points if she didn’t, and not assumed. I think the reaction was OTT but perhaps she was tired after a long day; no one has covered themselves with glory here.

CleaningAngel · 21/12/2023 22:19

Ghostface333 · 21/12/2023 19:39

If I were you I’d be really petty, work out what a point is worth in monetary value and send it back to her (preferably in lose change). Assuming it’ll be 50p or something ridiculous. Should make her feel suitably embarrassed. Then don’t take your daughter back there

Edited

Ghostface333 excellent idea 💡

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 21/12/2023 22:22

The points would have gone to waste. They were explicitly offered to her first. You’ve done nothing wrong. If it were me, I’d take her to one side and tell her I didn’t appreciate being insulted like that in public. Wtf is wrong with her, behaving like that.

Original poster
Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 22:24

To those asking, I genuinely don’t know how much the points are worth. Roughly however much you’d get for 18 kids meals? I can try and work it out but I don’t know how many points I had on my account before these ones were added so it’s slightly more complicated.

Thank you for all the responses! It’s actually made me feel so much better that a lot of you don’t think IABU. Still no reply but I will of course update if I get one.

As for my daughter I am 99% sure we will be looking for another dance school. I’ve talked with her about it today (she didn’t see what happened so doesn’t have any idea about all this thankfully) and sold it to her by saying her current school only offers a small selection of dance styles and there is another nearby where she can try jazz/ contemporary too. So far she seems keen to try it!

OP posts:
Drfosters · 21/12/2023 22:25

I would have absolutely taken the points. I used to book hotels for my company from time to time and used cash back sites. I’d use my Clubcard if I was buying stuff for the PTA. I have gained air miles on my credit card when spending money I was going to expense at work. It isn’t theft at all. Theft is the intent to deprive something that is rightfully theirs. You had zero intent at all. All that is going to happen is she loses a fee playing client. Utterly bizarre overreaction.

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 21/12/2023 22:31

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 18:25

No, it is not permission if you ask if someone collects points. You ask if you can have the points. Then you get permission or not. Moral compasses and social propriety a bit missing here.

Show quote history

What kind of life do you live that a few points matter?

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 21/12/2023 22:34

FFS they were reward points not a lottery win. Some sad people on here.

DragonMama3 · 21/12/2023 22:40

Mollymalone123 · 21/12/2023 03:31

To my mind you’ve done nothing wrong here. You did ask and she said no.Her reaction is way over the top too! I’m sure other mums would have done the same as you, honestly don’t give it another thought.By all means text her to clear the air but don’t feel guilty at all

This. With bows on.

Eebee96 · 21/12/2023 22:42

Why didn’t you just ask if you could use them instead of taking them?

puddypud · 21/12/2023 22:52

Eebee96 · 21/12/2023 22:42

Why didn’t you just ask if you could use them instead of taking them?

Why should she have to ask permission? The teacher wasn't entitled to them anyway. She wasn't the one paying. If anything it's the other parents who would give 'permission'. Not that it's actually needed.

Eebee96 · 21/12/2023 23:12

I would have just said is it alright if I put them on my reward card, see what you mean though. Oh like the other lady wanted them personally once realised the rewards? In which case then your not unreasonable
either way no need to embarrass you

chloe1656 · 21/12/2023 23:22

why do you feel bad? She runs a business - you pay to use her services. Absolutely stop using her business and go to someone else. Also Leave her a scathing review of how unprofessional she is! Imagine how she would react if a child did something wrong!

it’s literally coupon points you took cheeky perhaps but really no big deal & secondly a portion of the points you took were yours since your daughter had one of the meals.

i wouldn’t waste any time getting upset she’s clearly a bit mental!

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 23:23

Lindalove · 21/12/2023 22:04

I think the OP was a OOO in all honesty. She should have asked the dance person if it was okay to collect the points if she didn’t, and not assumed. I think the reaction was OTT but perhaps she was tired after a long day; no one has covered themselves with glory here.

But why would she ask the dance person? The points weren't hers?

DragonMama3 · 21/12/2023 23:33

Mostlyoblivious · 21/12/2023 21:27

They’re taken from the other parents. Agreed, they didn’t go fetch the food etc. I’m not blaming or judging OP here, I’m just saying the fact that it can be classed as theft. I found this out in my first job out of uni whilst running errands in Tesco - they wouldn’t let me have the club card points and explained why as the company I worked for were paying, not myself. I also read about a woman with nectar points - don’t remember the details but I think I remember police were involved and she was banned from Sainsburys - it sticks in my mind as it seemed a large response to ‘just points’.

anyway: the dance teacher is ridiculous - I am keen to see what she tried to defend herself with in her response to OP’s email!

Show quote history

Op offered and she said no. That is not theft.