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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
saffy2 · 21/12/2023 20:07

As far as I can see you all paid for the food anyway, and so they weren’t her points to take either!!

sprigatito · 21/12/2023 20:11

Dance teachers are a notoriously temperamental bunch. I wouldn't send my child back to this one.

Fionaville · 21/12/2023 20:15

Youve done nothing wrong. The dance teacher owes you an apology!!

Epidote · 21/12/2023 20:20

I would tell her at the time you asked for her loyalty card something in the lines ok, do you mind I use mine them, or not even ask just said i will use mine then.
You were not clear in your intentions however she was way OTT. Her reaction is far to unreasonable for the "little crime" You had committed.

Enjoy your freebies!

Spybot · 21/12/2023 20:21

Um, the teacher is nuts and I wouldn't be sending my daughter back. If you want you could work out the monetary value of the points and write a check for that amount. Tell her to put that check against the losses of your withdrawing your daughter from the school henceforth.

Emotionalsupportviper · 21/12/2023 20:23

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 17:37

It's the OP who must apologise. She stole something. Personally, I'd cringe to be in her position. Awful. To have acted in such a way would make me want to hide away in shame. The points were not hers. She put them on her card. That is stealing however small the amount. She needs to apologise. And she will probably need to find a new dance teacher for her DC because that dance teacher is highly unlikely to have that child back and there is also no way back for what the OP has done.

Show quote history

And the teacher has found the thread . . .

Emotionalsupportviper · 21/12/2023 20:25

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2023 17:43

No. It's not. She asked her if she collected points. That's not asking permission.

If someone said "Do you have a swimming pool?" and you answer "Yes" would you say you're giving permission for the 'asker' to use your pool? Of course not. That question should be followed by "Do you mind it we use it?". Asking if one has or does not have a certain thing doesn't grant permission for someone to use or 'take' it.

Show quote history

Why does she need to ask permission?

They aren't the teachers points to give away.

Epidote · 21/12/2023 20:26

I ve changed my mind a bit. As you and the other parents pay for the meal in advance the points doesn't belong to her neither.
She was way over the top.

Lighrbulbmo · 21/12/2023 20:26

They are not her points though. Parents all paid for their own meal, each parent was entitled to their points. If they cba to go them. She’s batshit!

Emotionalsupportviper · 21/12/2023 20:29

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2023 18:02

@Goodlard

I'd say that since the teacher didn't collect any loyalty points for the transaction and (IMHO) she didn't grant permission for OP to collect the points, technically she didn't 'steal' anything nor did she 'abet' the OP in 'stealing' the points, so no, the teacher is not a cheeky fucker. If she had, then if one wants to pick nits, yes she would be. But she didn't.

I think the whole thing is a tempest in a teapot. To me it's no different than someone collecting cash from the other diners then using a credit card to pay the bill so they get 'cash back' or loyalty credit. I'm not going to have a cow over that, either. Life is too short and it all usually comes out in the wash anyway.

I think the whole thing is a tempest in a teapot.

You know what isn't a "tempest in a teapot"?

PUBLICLY CALLING SOMEONE A THIEF!

ThomasinaLivesHere · 21/12/2023 20:31

She’s an unprofessional idiot. It’s not feasible for all parents to get their share of the points so it might as well be the one doing the favour and picking the order up who gets them. And like others say there’s no right for the teacher to get them as she didn’t pay for all the meals. Even if it was a few hundred spent most point schemes would likely have a monetary value of a few pound. It’s ridiculous that the teacher lost it over something like that.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 21/12/2023 20:32

The dance teacher sounds off her rocker. I'd be seriously worried about how she behaves towards the children when no one is watching if this is how she deals with the parents who pay her salary.

Threeboysadogandacat · 21/12/2023 20:33

If the other parents had collected the food most of them would also have collected the points and they know it. Their sympathies will be with you @Lolabear38

It was not greedy or stealing. The dance teacher is batshit. Find another dance class for your DD.

m00rfarm · 21/12/2023 20:35

So she wanted the points from meals that had been paid for by all the parents - and she called YOU the thief? That is rich 😂

m00rfarm · 21/12/2023 20:37

Emotionalsupportviper · 21/12/2023 20:23

And the teacher has found the thread . . .

Show quote history

The points should have been for the people who paid for the meals. And that was NOT the teacher. In fact, anyone BUT the teacher should have taken the points. I am not sure if you are actually really stupid, or you did not read the thread.

EekGoesTheBaby · 21/12/2023 20:37

Threeboysadogandacat · 21/12/2023 20:33

If the other parents had collected the food most of them would also have collected the points and they know it. Their sympathies will be with you @Lolabear38

It was not greedy or stealing. The dance teacher is batshit. Find another dance class for your DD.

Agreed. You collected the points knowing that she didn't have a loyalty card and didn't want the points (that didn't belong to her anyway).

Mexicansky · 21/12/2023 20:38

If you have all attended the party and paid for your own food - why is she any more entitled to the points than you are??
Especially when it was you who collected it?

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 20:38

pinkfondu · 21/12/2023 10:20

I would have done the same....and have been asked in shops before by the person in front of I had one so they could give them to me.

I do the same.

WorriedMum231 · 21/12/2023 20:38

It really wasn’t your place to collect the points a simple ‘is it ok if I scan my card’ would have solved it. But to be honest her reaction was OTT. Surely the restaurant could have resolved this by refunding the transaction this cancelling your points then putting it through again?

thinslicedham · 21/12/2023 20:40

She sounds nuts. I don't think I could bring myself to apologise to her after she made a public scene. If she felt she had a claim to the points, she could have spoken to you privately.

I'd worry someone that unstable might not be above taking her resentment out on your child, so yes, I'd consider switching to another teacher.

wronginalltherightways · 21/12/2023 20:42

GreenFields07 · 21/12/2023 17:59

Are you the dance teacher @Grammarnut you're being ridiculous. She didn't steal anything, she used her own car, petrol and time to collect something for the whole party and benefited from a couple of quids worth of points. How on earth are you trying to back up that the teacher was entitled to anything when it wasnt her money that paid for the food, but the parents. Shes entitled to nothing! Maybe OP should offer to give back the points to all the parents, but counter charge them for petrol and time costs. If we're really being that petty

This

Sounds like Grammarnut is the overreacting teacher who forgot that OP had asked her about the points and done her a favour in collecting everything.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 21/12/2023 20:42

The temptation to shove a mozzarella dipper up her nose would have been great for me... Send her a portion of chips in the post.. And find dd a new dance class. Not a penny would I hand her ever again..

tothelefttotheleft · 21/12/2023 20:46

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 03:43

I’d have collected the points. You used your car and time to go and collect the food.
Tell her to fuck off.
She had her chance.

I agree.

DottyLottieLou · 21/12/2023 20:51

You've done nothing wrong. She sounds crazy. No way should you apologise. She should. Very unprofessional and she doesn't deserve your business. Find another dance school.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/12/2023 20:52

Op can you work out what the points are actually worth? Then message her and say you're sorry she's upset you collected the points aft r she said she didn't collect them, you've worked out it comes to Xp and would she like them returning to her or split across the parents who paid for the food?