Page 14 | To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

Lolabear38 · 2023-12-21T03:25:34+00:00

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes. She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders. I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself. I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that. I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 21/12/2023 17:53

I doubt she will respond.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 21/12/2023 17:56

No harm no foul here.

GreenFields07 · 21/12/2023 17:59

Are you the dance teacher @Grammarnut you're being ridiculous. She didn't steal anything, she used her own car, petrol and time to collect something for the whole party and benefited from a couple of quids worth of points. How on earth are you trying to back up that the teacher was entitled to anything when it wasnt her money that paid for the food, but the parents. Shes entitled to nothing! Maybe OP should offer to give back the points to all the parents, but counter charge them for petrol and time costs. If we're really being that petty

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2023 18:02

@Goodlard

I'd say that since the teacher didn't collect any loyalty points for the transaction and (IMHO) she didn't grant permission for OP to collect the points, technically she didn't 'steal' anything nor did she 'abet' the OP in 'stealing' the points, so no, the teacher is not a cheeky fucker. If she had, then if one wants to pick nits, yes she would be. But she didn't.

I think the whole thing is a tempest in a teapot. To me it's no different than someone collecting cash from the other diners then using a credit card to pay the bill so they get 'cash back' or loyalty credit. I'm not going to have a cow over that, either. Life is too short and it all usually comes out in the wash anyway.

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 18:05

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2023 18:02

@Goodlard

I'd say that since the teacher didn't collect any loyalty points for the transaction and (IMHO) she didn't grant permission for OP to collect the points, technically she didn't 'steal' anything nor did she 'abet' the OP in 'stealing' the points, so no, the teacher is not a cheeky fucker. If she had, then if one wants to pick nits, yes she would be. But she didn't.

I think the whole thing is a tempest in a teapot. To me it's no different than someone collecting cash from the other diners then using a credit card to pay the bill so they get 'cash back' or loyalty credit. I'm not going to have a cow over that, either. Life is too short and it all usually comes out in the wash anyway.

I'd argue that the teacher retrospectively decided she'd steal the points by asking for the receipt. The intent to steal was certainly there.

But the teachers right to steal you seem to think was ok?

CleaningAngel · 21/12/2023 18:15

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 03:43

I’d have collected the points. You used your car and time to go and collect the food.
Tell her to fuck off.
She had her chance.

Ffs stupid woman, she didn't want the points so you got them hardly crime of the century. On the occasions I go to tesco and they say have you got a vlub card, I say no as I havnt, but I do say please give my unwanted points to the customer in que behind me, and usually they say thank you that's nice.
I personally wouldn't go back, maybe email her make a passive 'sorry' but you didn't think it was a big thing as she didn't want the points, and point out how she over reacted and embarrassed you in front of other parents.
You will find another dancing class for your little girl iam.sure.
Chalk it up to experience, forget about it and have a nice Christmas 🎄
Honestly some people are weird!!

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 21/12/2023 18:15

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 17:37

It's the OP who must apologise. She stole something. Personally, I'd cringe to be in her position. Awful. To have acted in such a way would make me want to hide away in shame. The points were not hers. She put them on her card. That is stealing however small the amount. She needs to apologise. And she will probably need to find a new dance teacher for her DC because that dance teacher is highly unlikely to have that child back and there is also no way back for what the OP has done.

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Why are you saying this? The teacher said she didn't collect points.

CandyLeBonBon · 21/12/2023 18:17

Personally, I'd cringe to be in her position. Awful. To have acted in such a way would make me want to hide away in shame. The points were not hers. She put them on her card. That is stealing however small the amount.

Christ I bet you're fun at parties @Grammarnut

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 21/12/2023 18:19

@Grammarnut are the sort of person who asks for 5p change if someone nips to the shop yor you?

Comefromaway · 21/12/2023 18:19

As someone else has said, she wouldn’t have been able to claim the points retrospectively unless the receipt was validated at the time of purchase. This is usually only done when someone has forgotten their points card or phone app.

So if the OP hadn’t claimed them then they would have been lost.

the mistake the op made was not saying that instead of saying she’d already claimed them.

KC2023 · 21/12/2023 18:24

She is being super unreasonable. I would have also collected the points. Why let them go to waste when she didn't want them? How could you have possibly known she would have changed her mind.

Next time she can go collect the stuff herself and get the points.

Snazzysausage · 21/12/2023 18:24

Firstly, just supposing the dance teacher had a loyalty card and had collected the points. Does anyone really believe that the next time a takeaway party was organised she wouldn't have charged the parents the usual £15 a head while using the points/vouchers to get money off and making herself a small profit?! Of course she would, no way would she work out the discount and charge parents less.
Secondly, I would have added a last sentence to the email saying
"I will attend the next available dance class at which point I expect an effusive apology delivered in an equally public setting to that in which you berated me"

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 18:25

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 17:21

She asked if the person collected the points.....

Is that not permission?

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No, it is not permission if you ask if someone collects points. You ask if you can have the points. Then you get permission or not. Moral compasses and social propriety a bit missing here.

grumpycow1 · 21/12/2023 18:25

Still think you should send this in the public group - is there a WhatsApp group? I’d have to let the other parents know what happened too.

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 18:26

KC2023 · 21/12/2023 18:24

She is being super unreasonable. I would have also collected the points. Why let them go to waste when she didn't want them? How could you have possibly known she would have changed her mind.

Next time she can go collect the stuff herself and get the points.

You are missing the point. The points were not hers (and nor would they be yours) so it is stealing.

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 18:29

CandyLeBonBon · 21/12/2023 18:17

Personally, I'd cringe to be in her position. Awful. To have acted in such a way would make me want to hide away in shame. The points were not hers. She put them on her card. That is stealing however small the amount.

Christ I bet you're fun at parties @Grammarnut

Actually, I am fun at parties. But I would consider taking the nectar points on purchases someone else was paying for stealing. I can see I am old-fashioned but I have had time to learn what is and is not acceptable. The OP acted unacceptably - and note, no-one in the group expected her to take the points, which would make me want to sink into the floor were it me.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/12/2023 18:30

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2023 18:02

@Goodlard

I'd say that since the teacher didn't collect any loyalty points for the transaction and (IMHO) she didn't grant permission for OP to collect the points, technically she didn't 'steal' anything nor did she 'abet' the OP in 'stealing' the points, so no, the teacher is not a cheeky fucker. If she had, then if one wants to pick nits, yes she would be. But she didn't.

I think the whole thing is a tempest in a teapot. To me it's no different than someone collecting cash from the other diners then using a credit card to pay the bill so they get 'cash back' or loyalty credit. I'm not going to have a cow over that, either. Life is too short and it all usually comes out in the wash anyway.

That also gets people into hot water when they acquire pecuniary advantage by doing so with their employers - and the occasional 'they didn't share the voucher value with me and I had to pay full price when she's not bought anything herself, it's company spending' type of post on here.

AGoingConcern · 21/12/2023 18:30

I can't help but assume Grammarnut is the person who responds to a polite "Do you have the time?" by saying "Yes I do" and then walking away.

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 18:32

Snazzysausage · 21/12/2023 18:24

Firstly, just supposing the dance teacher had a loyalty card and had collected the points. Does anyone really believe that the next time a takeaway party was organised she wouldn't have charged the parents the usual £15 a head while using the points/vouchers to get money off and making herself a small profit?! Of course she would, no way would she work out the discount and charge parents less.
Secondly, I would have added a last sentence to the email saying
"I will attend the next available dance class at which point I expect an effusive apology delivered in an equally public setting to that in which you berated me"

Of course, she would use the points to defray the next purchase. She was paid to run a party and provide food so the $15 a head is her income and I presume she made a small profit. She's in business, not one of a group of friends arranging a party for their kids.

EarthlyNightshade · 21/12/2023 18:33

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 18:29

Actually, I am fun at parties. But I would consider taking the nectar points on purchases someone else was paying for stealing. I can see I am old-fashioned but I have had time to learn what is and is not acceptable. The OP acted unacceptably - and note, no-one in the group expected her to take the points, which would make me want to sink into the floor were it me.

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What do you mean no one in the group expected her to take the points?

And OP did pay $15, unlike the dance teacher.

Heidi75 · 21/12/2023 18:33

PurpleFlower1983 · 21/12/2023 03:39

I don’t think you should have collected the points but this is a big no, no where I work and is considered theft (things are often bought collectively then claimed back) however I do understand why you didn’t see it as an issue I suppose if it’s not something you’ve come across. I would apologise I think. I don’t think the owner acted appropriately shaming you in front of others though. I don’t think I would go back.

But surely the owner collecting the points is just as bad as all the parents paid for their children's meals themselves not the owner. So under those circumstances they should all get a share of it not just the owner

Pluviophile1 · 21/12/2023 18:34

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 17:48

@Grammarnut by this reasoning then surely the dance teacher is also in the wrong, as she is arguing that the points should have been hers? She is no more entitled to them than I am. If I should apologise and hide away in shame then she should also as she was planning on doing exactly what I did?

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Yes, by Grammarnut's logic, the teacher would have been 'stealing' too.

OP, you didn't steal anything.

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 18:38

@Grammarnut so the teacher was going to ask permission if all the parents... 🤔

CandyLeBonBon · 21/12/2023 18:38

How can you steal something from someone that it doesn't belong to? The teacher wasn't paying for anything and didn't even have/want a rewards account and only changed her mind AFTER op had taken her own time and money/fuel to collect the food? In what iniverse is that stealing?

By your logic, @Grammarnut the teacher was equally stealing from OP as she was taking advantage of her time and money by way of travel costs and inconvenience? So in effect they cancel each other out, no?

I really wonder how people function flexibly with such bizarrely rigid outlooks. You'd hide in Shame? Really? Because of some reward points that the teacher didn't even want, initially?

What about the teacher's behaviour or is public humiliation acceptable in your world?

JimnyTCat · 21/12/2023 18:46

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 21/12/2023 07:08

you should probably have asked her whether she minded if you collect the points as she didn’t have an account. If she’d said yes then she wouldn’t have had a leg to stand on. As it was you assumed it would be ok, you probably shouldn’t have collected them, but it didn’t need a dramatic public shaming.

Why though? Dance teacher didn't pay towards the food and specifically said she wasn't interested in the points beforehand and didn't have an account. You can't realistically split points between umpteen parental contributors. OP used fuel and time to collect the order- why shouldn't she collect the points? They'd have gone to waste otherwise.