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Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
willWillSmithsmith · 21/12/2023 16:57

I’m still not understanding why the points were the owners in the first place. They weren’t. Technically they belonged to each parent who paid for a meal, which could only work if each parent was present at the restaurant to pick up the points.

OP I don’t think you should even be alluding to this woman that these points ever solely belonged to her in the first place!

NeedToChangeName · 21/12/2023 17:13

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2023 16:50

I'm kind of 'mixed' on this. But I think that when she answered 'No' to "Do you have a loyalty card?" it should have been followed up with "Then you won't mind if I collect the points for myself on my card?". She probably would have said it was fine. Then, when she realized she did want to partake in the loyalty scheme, it would have been too late as she'd already given you permission to take the points for yourself.

Sometimes it IS better to ask for permission than forgiveness.

Agree with @AcrossthePond55

When she said she didn't have an account, that's when you should have asked if OK for you to claim the points

She was wrong to discuss it in public though

Friendfoe1 · 21/12/2023 17:19

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 13:41

Sorry for the radio silence, Christmas visitors arrived earlier so only just getting a chance to catch up!

Since my OP I’ve been thinking about it a lot and decided to send an email very similar to what many of you have suggested but I actually used @Janieforever as a template:

‘Dear (dance teacher’s name) I was very disappointed and upset about the episode today and to be publicly called a thief and greedy by you. I specially asked if you had an account to collect the points for the party food in advance, and you said you didn’t. As such, my only thought in the restaurant was not to let them go to waste. I could have checked with you at the time to make sure it was ok to collect them myself but as it was in the middle of the party and everyone was clearly busy I didn’t. I would make sure I did this in future (though to be honest I doubt I’ll be volunteering to do something like this again after today!).

Arguably the points in question belong to each parent, as they are the ones who have paid for their children’s food. I am happy to bring a gift for sharing for all the kids to the same value to make sure everyone benefits.

Finally, I feel your reaction was totally disproportionate to the event, and I’m particularly upset that you thought it ok to speak to me like that in front of the other parents when I was giving up my time to help you. I would have been happy to have had a private discussion with you about this which would have been much more appropriate rather than being shamed in front of the others.’

Currently awaiting a response… I’ll let you know what happens. I’ve also had a couple of messages from other parents at the party to check I’m ok after seeing what happened!

Any response yet? She sounds cuckoo!

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 17:21

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2023 16:50

I'm kind of 'mixed' on this. But I think that when she answered 'No' to "Do you have a loyalty card?" it should have been followed up with "Then you won't mind if I collect the points for myself on my card?". She probably would have said it was fine. Then, when she realized she did want to partake in the loyalty scheme, it would have been too late as she'd already given you permission to take the points for yourself.

Sometimes it IS better to ask for permission than forgiveness.

She asked if the person collected the points.....

Is that not permission?

DeeLusional · 21/12/2023 17:30

When I'm working in Ireland and shopping in Tesco, I ask the person behind if they will swipe their card for me so I get the clubcard discounts - since Bloody Brexit, UK clubcard doesn't work in the EU anymore.

Elaina87 · 21/12/2023 17:32

Why should she get all the points anyway? You've you've paid for your own child and other parents may have the reward scheme too. You were the one to go and collect the food therefore you got to benefit. Youbalso asked first which was the polite thing to do. I would have no problem with that whatsoever if I was her or another parent. She sounds like a crank and you should definitely email her. I wouldn't apologise, just explain all of that to her. And no I wouldn't take my child back to her class either.

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 17:33

GreenFields07 · 21/12/2023 12:10

She's absolutely mental, you did nothing wrong OP. If anything the loyalty points should belong to the parents who paid for the meals, she's entitled to absolutely none of them unless she had a meal herself. And if I was a parent at the dance school I would find it hysterical if someone offered me in the region of 10p for my share of the points!! It would probably cost more than that to transfer it amongst them all and what a waste of time. Personally id be finding a new dance school, its not about the points or the money, but if anyone spoke to me that way, even in private nevermind public, id lose my shit and they'd have more problems than some loyalty points!

It's not how much the points were worth, nor whether the dance teacher was entitled, though I am beginning to think she was since the money was paid to her to put up a party and she organised the food and the place etc. What is unethical is taking the points the OP was definitely not entitled to. She wasn't given permission to take them which means she stole them. I wouldn't go ballistic about it but I would trust her rather less.

wronginalltherightways · 21/12/2023 17:34

If you don't get a full and complete apology, I'd be posting the link to this thread on the group chat/parent's page.

Her behaviour was shocking and terribly unreasonable. You didn't do anything wrong.

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 17:37

wronginalltherightways · 21/12/2023 17:34

If you don't get a full and complete apology, I'd be posting the link to this thread on the group chat/parent's page.

Her behaviour was shocking and terribly unreasonable. You didn't do anything wrong.

It's the OP who must apologise. She stole something. Personally, I'd cringe to be in her position. Awful. To have acted in such a way would make me want to hide away in shame. The points were not hers. She put them on her card. That is stealing however small the amount. She needs to apologise. And she will probably need to find a new dance teacher for her DC because that dance teacher is highly unlikely to have that child back and there is also no way back for what the OP has done.

PeloMom · 21/12/2023 17:39

I would have asked- do you mind if I collect the points not just assume it’s ok

Myhusbandearns150k · 21/12/2023 17:39

Look at the lunatic above lol

well above plus one now

Myhusbandearns150k · 21/12/2023 17:41

Cringing over some points that really mean nothing in the real world.

I hope you get an apology op

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 17:41

@Grammarnut can you explain why the teacher is not stealing? The points should surely belong to the individual paying parents ?

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 17:41

Myhusbandearns150k · 21/12/2023 17:39

Look at the lunatic above lol

well above plus one now

Edited

🦇 💩 🤪

superplumb · 21/12/2023 17:42

I prob would have asked her if she minded that I collected them...but I don't think you've done anything massively wrong. She's went way over the top

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2023 17:43

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 17:21

She asked if the person collected the points.....

Is that not permission?

Show quote history

No. It's not. She asked her if she collected points. That's not asking permission.

If someone said "Do you have a swimming pool?" and you answer "Yes" would you say you're giving permission for the 'asker' to use your pool? Of course not. That question should be followed by "Do you mind it we use it?". Asking if one has or does not have a certain thing doesn't grant permission for someone to use or 'take' it.

RatatouillePie · 21/12/2023 17:44

Usually with loyalty points, you can't just take the receipt in to collect the points - they need to validate the receipt at the point of purchase so that those specific points register when the receipt is returned with a card.

That means that if you didn't claim them, they would have been lost.

Her response was totally uncalled for and VERY unprofessional. Unless I got a really decent apology, I'd remove my child from the lessons.

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 17:44

@AcrossthePond55 could you explain to me, why the points belonged to the teacher and not the paying parents....

Katbum · 21/12/2023 17:48

’Hi dance school owner - I was very taken aback by your reaction today. I asked if you wanted the points from the order and you declined, it was very unreasonable
of you to kick off rather than speak calmly to me about it, especially considering I asked in advance. We won’t be returning to your sessions.’

Original poster
Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 17:48

Grammarnut · 21/12/2023 17:37

It's the OP who must apologise. She stole something. Personally, I'd cringe to be in her position. Awful. To have acted in such a way would make me want to hide away in shame. The points were not hers. She put them on her card. That is stealing however small the amount. She needs to apologise. And she will probably need to find a new dance teacher for her DC because that dance teacher is highly unlikely to have that child back and there is also no way back for what the OP has done.

Show quote history

@Grammarnut by this reasoning then surely the dance teacher is also in the wrong, as she is arguing that the points should have been hers? She is no more entitled to them than I am. If I should apologise and hide away in shame then she should also as she was planning on doing exactly what I did?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 17:49

Still no response btw!

OP posts:
Goodlard · 21/12/2023 17:49

@Lolabear38 exactly what I said!

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2023 17:49

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 17:44

@AcrossthePond55 could you explain to me, why the points belonged to the teacher and not the paying parents....

I wasn't addressing that particular issue, just your post saying that the OP had 'permission' to add the points to her account simply because she asked if the teacher had a loyalty card.

You said: "She asked if the person collected the points.....Is that not permission?". You didn't say "The points belong to the parents". If you had, I would have said "Technically, yes they do".

Goodlard · 21/12/2023 17:50

@AcrossthePond55 so we can agree the teacher is a cheeky chancing fucker?

Pinotwoman82 · 21/12/2023 17:51

Dear lord if I was one of these parents there’s no way I’d be worrying about £15 worth of points which probably only equates to 5p. I’d just be pleased it wasn’t me that had to go off and grab all this food.

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