To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

[Lolabear38]

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

What a bitch! I would keep the points don’t feel guilty about it after all youve used your own time and probably petrol to collect the items and I wouldn’t take my daughter back. Way OTT reaction what right does she have to even have the points anyway? Is she the owner? If she is I 100% would not give my business to them

A few points on a rewards app is not a minefield unless immature/aggressive morons wish to make it one. There is zero excuse for this woman's behaviour.

I've revised my initial thoughts here and I'd be looking at withdrawing my child from the class. I can't imagine wanting them around such an awful person who is such a bad influence. Would send something like 'lady, you called me a greedy thief when I think the words you were looking for were 'thank you name for using your time and petrol to go and collect the food'. I know it must be very embarrassing to have made such a show of yourself in front of a group of paying customers, but I expect an apology for your mistake'

So let me get this right. You asked if she had a rewards card to collect the points (which weren't hers to start with actually as the parents had paid but I get it, you can't split them 20 ways so someone may as well benefit) and she said no. You collected the points yourself as you had no idea she was suddenly going to decide to sign up for a rewards card and if you hadn't, they'd not have been claimed to your knowledge at the time. She then decides actually, she does want the points, and because she now can't have them as you (the person who actually went and collected the order) claimed them. Do I have that right? If so then she can fuck off, you worked on the information you had at the time, you're not a mind reader. It's a few bloody points, you snooze you lose! She had the chance, she let it go, that's on her and not you. Frankly I'd pull my child from the dance classes as I'd give her no more money.

No, you're neither greedy nor a thief! She, however, owes you a massive public apology and even then I'm not sure I'd take my child back.

She dismissed your first suggestion by saying she "didn't bother with things like that" You do so you used them. fair enough.
Some people just don't fucking listen do they or think before giving a smart answer!

I think I agree with @PuttingDownRoots . If the card allowed a discount & Op was paying at the till then that discount should have been given back to share out. If OP was simply picking up an order ( prepaid ) and the picking up allowed the points I would have done, given the teacher said she never bothers. Now she has made a fuss I would make it my business to work out how much they are worth and it won't be worth the candle I bet for 1 order. But tell her what they are worth and offer to reimburse her for this one order for future orders for the dance class.

You did nothing wrong. You asked her and communicated well.

Exactly this! Similar situation, similar points scenario.

If OP had gone to tesco for meal deals and scanned her clubcarf instead of a fast food joint, would people be up in arms?

I'd be approaching the dance school and telling her she was absolutely unprofessional in her comment, that she declined the chance for the points and had no more claim to then than any other parent who had paid for the meal - any single one of those could have gone for the food.

I also wouldn't be going back and would find another school for classes. mad bint.

I’m with @PieAndLattes
also if I was one of the other parents, I’d move my child from her dance classes. The teacher is batshit and completely unprofessional. I’d wonder how long until she turns on one of the kids for no reason whatsoever

Offer to pay her the equivalent £ for points then invoice her minimum wage for the hours you spent volunteering… guaranteed she’d be worse off 🙄
And review her business online with details of the way she spoke to you. She’s mental.

Also she couldn't have claimed points that predated her signing up??

I would have done the same. In fact I would challenge her about the way she spoke to you in front of others…

She was out of order to shout at you and doing it in front of others too is bang out of order. She may realise this and give you a full apology. So perhaps approach her and explained why you claimed the points and point out that bawling you out rather than talking to you calmly and privately made you extremely uncomfortable.

If she’s a decent person she will acknowledge she did wrong and apologise. If not then she’s not a decent person.

I would email her an explain it exactly how you did here. It is a shame you didn't say "Can I put the points on my card?" but too late you didn't. I do think if someone asked me whether I was on a loyalty scheme, I would then naturally infer that they wanted to know if they could pick up the points. I'd probably reply "No I'm not, feel free to put them on your card." I think you were up front and honest but this lady needed more clarity which you didn't realise. She was very out of order to treat you like that in public. I think she's not really understood how the whole thing works and jumped to wrong conclusions. Up to you if you want to stick around or look for another dance school.

How much are the points worth? Publically give her the money next time. Or have all the change ready to ask which of the parents want their share. What would that be, about 15p each?

Absolutely this. Tell her it’s your payment for the petrol and time you used going to get it.

And also warn her not to publicly call you a thief again!

How DARE she!

That is appalling behaviour.

@Lolabear38 What do you actually want to achieve here?

The way I see it, there are three options:

1. You want your daughter to continue the dance lessons and you don't want any more aggro.
2. You want your daughter to continue the dance lessons ideally but you would like to discuss what happened with the teacher and are willing to withdraw your daughter from the class if the teacher continues to be unpleasant.
3. You have decided to withdraw your daughter from the class and don't care about your ongoing relationship with the teacher.

I think you need to choose between these three options before deciding on a course of action.

If it's option 1, I would probably just let it go, because raising it with the teacher may cause a further row resulting in your daughter being kicked out of the class.

If it's option 2, I would send a polite email saying that you were surprised by the teacher's outburst at the party, given that you volunteered your time and your car to go and pick up the food and you offered her first refusal on the points. Since she said she didn't bother with that sort of thing, you assumed that there was no issue and that you may as well collect the points which would otherwise have gone to waste. You were really shocked that she made a scene in front of the other parents and you feel very uncomfortable about it.

That way, you've politely said your piece and given the teacher an opportunity to apologise. But you have to accept the risk that she doesn't take it well and kicks off.

If it's option 3, just withdraw your daughter from the class and send a much more strongly worded email saying that she behaved appallingly and you are taking your business elsewhere.

What does your daughter want? Will she be terribly upset if she can no longer continue in this particular class? Are there other options nearby which she would enjoy as much?

I have calculated the financial benefit to me as it’s $7.

It cost me $X in fuel to collect the meals, plus an hour of my time, for which I will charge a token $Y. I will transfer the balance (19 cents, or whatever) to your bank account.

Put this on FB or something, so that everyone she publicly defamed you in front of can see it.

What a cowbag.

I'd be insisting on an apology from her after calling you a thief in front of the other parents.
Really nasty of her

Agree she is actually no more entitled to the points than you given each parent paid for the meal. In fact you paid more than her and more than the others when you consider petrol!

Whether or not it was right for you to take the points, she shouldn't have got angry with you about it in front of the other parents. She should have spoken to you on your own.

I would be worried she gets angry like this with the kids in front of the other kids. She doesn't sound like someone who should be teaching small children.

I wouldn't send my child back to the dance classes and I would tell her why in a calm, measured email.

I wouldn't take my DD back there - anyone who behaves like that is very likely to take out her spite on a child.

Cross post Fiends

You did the right thing by asking her first if she had a loyalty card. It would've been wrong to collect the points without asking.
Given that she showed no interest, it would be a waste NOT to have collected the points.
I think it is completely unreasonable for her to have made a fuss in front of the other mums, especially since you volunteered to help at the party and collected the food.

You asked. She said no. You did what anyone else would have done. She changed her mind. She had a tantrum.