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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Starting to realise dp is in a cult....

146 replies

Theatrelover2 · 20/12/2023 23:56

I've been with dp for 5 years. We have dc. For financial reasons we are having to live with his parents. So at the start of the relationship I never really met his family properly, it was only ever in brief intervals. We never spoke long enough for the cracks to show.

As time went on and we moved in with them things started to unravel. It turns out his parents believe in some sort of divine entity. All of his family/family friends come from this same fellowship. At first I thought it was harmless. People have their belief systems and that is that. They didn't seem eccentric or different and weren't to the extreme of secluding themselves and didn't use modern technology ect.

However as I've watched more cult documentaries I've begin to see more similarities within the dynamic. For example partner swapping, questionable age difference relationships, radical ideas that are pushed, only having their entire social circle with the same belief to affirm these things. There is more but it would be outing.

I'm starting to find it all a bit disturbing to say the least and now wondering what the hell I've got myself let alone my children into. I used to think nothing of all of this since I thought it didn't take away from them being open minded, nice people. But really they mock and ridicule people that don't think like them, refuse to hear otherwise and are actually really selfish to their cause. I guess my aibu here is that it's starting to reflect on how I view my dp. He doesn't agree with any of it but he has been normalised to alot of the weirdness going on and I just don't want any part in it. I can't see myself getting married into this situation and I definitely don't want to take his last name.

This could all just be an exaggeration on my part, dp did call out his parents saying you realise this is a cult you are in and they didn't even deny it! I'm tired of hearing how daily things are because of this divine spirit or because of the powers they possess to will it true. What do I do from here?

OP posts:
Theatrelover2 · 20/12/2023 23:58

Thought I should add there was essentially a leader in this dynamic. Everyone looks up to and idolised him.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 20/12/2023 23:59

I think you need to get your finances in order and get the hell out of there!

Theatrelover2 · 20/12/2023 23:59

He married a few of the women young and had kids with them...

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 21/12/2023 00:10

It's not your dp's fault what his family are like. Move out when you can. How long have you been living there?

AngryBirdsNoMore · 21/12/2023 00:14

What is the cult?

Grimmz · 21/12/2023 00:19

Most of what you describe doesn't sound much different than mainstream religion to me (ok maybe not the partner swapping) but ultimately if it's freaking you out you need to separate.

KnowledgeableMomma · 21/12/2023 00:20

Leave! Seriously, get your things together and get out of there! If DP wants to come with you (if he is truly not a part of it), fine. But otherwise, leave him there and get your kids to safety ASAP.

TravelInHope · 21/12/2023 00:21

Definitely don’t take his last name. Everything else, meh, who cares?

FirstTimeTTC989 · 21/12/2023 00:22

It doesn't sound like he's on board with this cult. Why don't the two of you move out???

everythingthelighttouches · 21/12/2023 00:22

Is your DP in this cult?
does he believe in this stuff?

If not, get out with him ASAP

if he’s in it too, get out without him ASAP

btw if he’s rejected it and is very open with his parents about this, I’m quite surprised you’re allowed to live there.

JellyBeanFactory · 21/12/2023 00:25

Theatrelover2 · 20/12/2023 23:59

He married a few of the women young and had kids with them...

Who did? Your DP?

Theimpossiblegirl · 21/12/2023 00:25

Run for the hills but try to take the dp with you if he's willing to leave.

WinterDeWinter · 21/12/2023 00:26

TravelInHope · 21/12/2023 00:21

Definitely don’t take his last name. Everything else, meh, who cares?

Seriously? Have you not heard how cults operate?

do not have children with him op.

Also - you are too trusting and naive. Your eyes should have been narrowing from the off and partner swapping, youn women being groomed? FGS.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 21/12/2023 00:26

So you have been with him 5 years, have kids. But you had no clue about this and he didn’t tell you. Even when you were moving in with them?

He knew it was a cult but took his partner and kids to live with them?

Really? You should leave with your kids.

Bobwibble · 21/12/2023 00:28

Seriously? Have you not heard how cults operate?

I don’t, and am curious! how do they operate?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/12/2023 00:30

So taking his last name is really on your list of worries with the rest of this?

I've begin to see more similarities within the dynamic. For example partner swapping, questionable age difference relationships, radical ideas that are pushed, only having their entire social circle with the same belief to affirm these things. There is more but it would be outing.

Maybe I am missing something but did this not come up sooner in your relationship with them?

Fionaville · 21/12/2023 00:30

This seems really unfair on your DP. He recognises the cult for what it is and calls them out on it. Do you want him to cut ties with his family completely, just because he/you dont have the same beliefs as them? That doesn't seem fair at all.

throwawayimplantchat · 21/12/2023 00:32

TravelInHope · 21/12/2023 00:21

Definitely don’t take his last name. Everything else, meh, who cares?

You wouldn't care about all this? Even if you have kids?

I've begin to see more similarities within the dynamic. For example partner swapping, questionable age difference relationships, radical ideas that are pushed, only having their entire social circle with the same belief to affirm these things. There is more but it would be outing.

ChateauDuMont · 21/12/2023 00:36

' I can't see myself getting married into this situation and I definitely don't want to take his last name.'

But it's ok to have had children with him?

ChateauDuMont · 21/12/2023 00:37

AngryBirdsNoMore · 21/12/2023 00:14

What is the cult?

Taylor Swift fans.

Maulana · 21/12/2023 00:38

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Deebee90 · 21/12/2023 00:41

Are they LDS by any chance? I knew a guy like that and this was what he and his family/friends did. I soon didn’t talk to him after I found out

RiderofRohan · 21/12/2023 00:43

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Farage?

PurpleWisteria1 · 21/12/2023 00:50

Let me guess- LDS