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AIBU?

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Original poster

Starting to realise dp is in a cult....

146 replies

Theatrelover2 · 20/12/2023 23:56

I've been with dp for 5 years. We have dc. For financial reasons we are having to live with his parents. So at the start of the relationship I never really met his family properly, it was only ever in brief intervals. We never spoke long enough for the cracks to show.

As time went on and we moved in with them things started to unravel. It turns out his parents believe in some sort of divine entity. All of his family/family friends come from this same fellowship. At first I thought it was harmless. People have their belief systems and that is that. They didn't seem eccentric or different and weren't to the extreme of secluding themselves and didn't use modern technology ect.

However as I've watched more cult documentaries I've begin to see more similarities within the dynamic. For example partner swapping, questionable age difference relationships, radical ideas that are pushed, only having their entire social circle with the same belief to affirm these things. There is more but it would be outing.

I'm starting to find it all a bit disturbing to say the least and now wondering what the hell I've got myself let alone my children into. I used to think nothing of all of this since I thought it didn't take away from them being open minded, nice people. But really they mock and ridicule people that don't think like them, refuse to hear otherwise and are actually really selfish to their cause. I guess my aibu here is that it's starting to reflect on how I view my dp. He doesn't agree with any of it but he has been normalised to alot of the weirdness going on and I just don't want any part in it. I can't see myself getting married into this situation and I definitely don't want to take his last name.

This could all just be an exaggeration on my part, dp did call out his parents saying you realise this is a cult you are in and they didn't even deny it! I'm tired of hearing how daily things are because of this divine spirit or because of the powers they possess to will it true. What do I do from here?

OP posts:
piisnot3 · 21/12/2023 08:31

it turns out his parents believe in some sort of divine entity. All of his family/family friends come from this same fellowship. At first I thought it was harmless. People have their belief systems and that is that. They didn't seem eccentric or different and weren't to the extreme of secluding themselves and didn't use modern technology ... questionable age difference relationships, radical ideas that are pushed, only having their entire social circle with the same belief to affirm these things ... they really they mock and ridicule people that don't think like them, refuse to hear otherwise and are actually really selfish to their cause.

Oh my god, they're ... CHRISTIANS. Run for the hills.

MsRosley · 21/12/2023 08:32

JanglingJack · 21/12/2023 02:27

Caravan club 🤣

The cult of the posh, entitled and loud bragging voices at breakfast.

Why are you in their caravan at breakfast? Did you do a bit of partner swapping?

MistletoeRegrets · 21/12/2023 08:33

Sorrynotsore · 21/12/2023 08:22

I'm not buying this thread at all.

I do think I’ve already seen the film …

Tacotortoise · 21/12/2023 08:36

The obvious answer is to not live with them. Move 30 miles away and visit twice a year. You've got kids with your dp now so whether you marry or not, you are linked to his family.

Moveoverdarlin · 21/12/2023 08:44

Well first and foremost, move out. That’s obvious surely? Keep your distance, stay in touch, but make it clear to your DH that you’ve been completely naive and you had no idea about the seriousness of his families life choices.

Firefly2009 · 21/12/2023 08:48

My guess is LDS/mormonism as well. Are you going to tell us which cult it is OP? Hard to advise without knowing.
On the other hand, if it's LDS, they wouldn't be letting you stay under their roof as an unmarried couple. It's not your DP's fault. Why are you posting here? Do you want to break up with him?
At the very least, go and stay somewhere else, and keep your distance from them in future.

Andthereyougo · 21/12/2023 08:55

Malificent1 · 21/12/2023 07:18

They are not harmless, they’ll be working on your children. Why are you all living with them?

This.
I’d be very worried for your children , how they’ll be brainwashed. These weird cults always seem have a man at the head of them who makes a lot of money and controls young girls and women for his own sexual gratification.
Move out. By staying you're putting your children at risk.

Goatymum · 21/12/2023 09:10

It’s good he realises it’s a cult, but if he still has some of the hangover from essentially being in it, there are post-cult therapists/workbooks/organisations to help him. It’s up to you if you want to go through this with him. if you’ve had kids with him, they’ll always be a tie anyway even if you leave him.

DreamTheMoors · 21/12/2023 09:10

Oh dear, @CoatOfArmsI hope you didn’t think I was referring to the regular LDS church members when I spoke of the FLDS.
Thst “F” stands for “fundamentalist” and I believe they branched away from the Mormon church when they did away with polygamy.
Things flew downhill after that for the FDLS..
I could’ve worded it better - my apologies.
The LDS and the FLDS bear no similarities from about 1850 on.

https://www.cnn.com/2013/10/31/us/fundamentalist-church-of-jesus-christ-of-latter-day-saints-fast-facts/index.html

Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Fast Facts | CNN

View CNN’s Fast Facts about the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS) to learn more about this sect of the Mormon Church.

https://www.cnn.com/2013/10/31/us/fundamentalist-church-of-jesus-christ-of-latter-day-saints-fast-facts/index.html

Ormside · 21/12/2023 09:12

Are you sure? No strict religious organisation or cult I know of would accept a member fornicating. Nor would they allow worldly association, let alone let you move in with DC without being married. This doesn't make sense.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 21/12/2023 09:15

Sounds like a nightmare. Get out.

Believingin · 21/12/2023 09:20

Any type of ‘new’ religion will be viewed as a cult by some. Some will be and some won’t be.

I dont admit to many people that I’ve designed my own belief system and live my life according to the beliefs and values I’ve developed. I teach my children these beliefs, I don’t tell anyone for fear of judgement I just quietly get on with helping my dc to become the best people they can be. On any forms when it asks for religion i state ‘none’ or ‘other’ and nothing else.
They still do RE lessons as part of our home education and often comment how wild some of the stories from other religions are in comparison to what we believe!

itsmyp4rty · 21/12/2023 09:27

Why did he allow you all to move in with his parents when he knew they were like this? Why didn't he tell you before moving in as you were obviously going to find out anyway?

CoatOfArms · 21/12/2023 09:28

@DreamTheMoors you might not have been referring to the mainstream LDS but several other posters have - sounds like LDS, are they Mormons? There is widespread ignorance about the religion in the UK where it's still fairly niche, and lots of reality TV shows about sister wives and so on which don't help the perception.

LDS is a whole different ballgame to Doomsday cults or Scientology or whatever. But the OP has been very vague about what sort of beliefs the family actually follow.

Sugarsun · 21/12/2023 09:32

The biggest question for me, would be why you both just don’t move out?

As a 2 adult income household, you will be able to afford somewhere to live, like all of the adults do.

I’m not sure why you chose to have kids without getting your own place first.

DriftingDora · 21/12/2023 09:32

It's the 'I'm making this up as I go along' cult, which is closely allied with the 'I'm naïve/just stupid' cult.

Suusue · 21/12/2023 09:33

Get out of there quickly! But don't let them know anything until you have left.

FeetupTvon · 21/12/2023 09:34

Could you have been (dare I say it) groomed by your DP too? He states he is against this way of life but is content to have you and his children move into that environment.

Notamum12345577 · 21/12/2023 09:37

JanglingJack · 21/12/2023 02:24

We had a long running cult disbanded (well probably not) in my area but charges of coercion and sexual and physical abuse were brought to light. This had been going on for nearly 60 years. Everyone just called them nutters and turned a blind eye.

One poor woman was in group CBT with me and wanted to be able to leave.

The money they had though, they soon acquired the town cinema that closed and set up there. They used to try and 'help' me back in the 90s grunge days thinking I was vulnerable. Nope!

Outing by town but it was the Jesus Army not LDS.

Run, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction!

Not sure I would call The Jesus Army a cult. But yes, there was allegations of sexual abuse by the leadership, one of the reasons the group has now disbanded.

Notamum12345577 · 21/12/2023 09:38

Sugarsun · 21/12/2023 09:32

The biggest question for me, would be why you both just don’t move out?

As a 2 adult income household, you will be able to afford somewhere to live, like all of the adults do.

I’m not sure why you chose to have kids without getting your own place first.

How do you know oh is a 2 adult income household? The OP doesn’t say she works, she may not.

banjocat · 21/12/2023 09:40

These people aren't any physical threat. But they are really extreme and radical with everything they believe in.

OP, when there are children involved, these two things are one and the same. Extreme and radical beliefs can cause all kinds of damage. That is why we have things like the Prevent Duty in the UK.

You need to get your children away from these people, even if that means separating from your partner.

akittencalledjesus · 21/12/2023 09:54

brainworms · 21/12/2023 02:01

The FLDS are a small fundamentalist sub set of Mormonism. The former are evil (they separated from the LDS when polygamy was done away with), whilst plenty of Mormons are perfectly normal people.

I'm not one for organised religion, but I also don't think it's right to judge a large group based on the behaviours of a select few.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 21/12/2023 09:56

For financial reasons we are having to live with his parents.

This is the bit I don't get!

3WildOnes · 21/12/2023 10:17

They don't sound that culty if they are letting unmarried unbelievers live with them.