Starting to realise dp is in a cult....

[Theatrelover2]

I've been with dp for 5 years. We have dc. For financial reasons we are having to live with his parents. So at the start of the relationship I never really met his family properly, it was only ever in brief intervals. We never spoke long enough for the cracks to show.

As time went on and we moved in with them things started to unravel. It turns out his parents believe in some sort of divine entity. All of his family/family friends come from this same fellowship. At first I thought it was harmless. People have their belief systems and that is that. They didn't seem eccentric or different and weren't to the extreme of secluding themselves and didn't use modern technology ect.

However as I've watched more cult documentaries I've begin to see more similarities within the dynamic. For example partner swapping, questionable age difference relationships, radical ideas that are pushed, only having their entire social circle with the same belief to affirm these things. There is more but it would be outing.

I'm starting to find it all a bit disturbing to say the least and now wondering what the hell I've got myself let alone my children into. I used to think nothing of all of this since I thought it didn't take away from them being open minded, nice people. But really they mock and ridicule people that don't think like them, refuse to hear otherwise and are actually really selfish to their cause. I guess my aibu here is that it's starting to reflect on how I view my dp. He doesn't agree with any of it but he has been normalised to alot of the weirdness going on and I just don't want any part in it. I can't see myself getting married into this situation and I definitely don't want to take his last name.

This could all just be an exaggeration on my part, dp did call out his parents saying you realise this is a cult you are in and they didn't even deny it! I'm tired of hearing how daily things are because of this divine spirit or because of the powers they possess to will it true. What do I do from here?

OP - When you marry someone or have children with them, their family become a large part of your life. Regardless of what your partner thinks, if he is going to maintain contact with his family (which he has every right to), this is going to have a huge impact on your life and your children's.

In your situation, I would separate and also go for full custody of the children, letting social services know that your partner's family are part of a cult - particularly if it is something like the ones named above (Scientology/ FLDS etc).

This is a safeguarding issue for your children and they need to be protected from it, and potentially from their father if he tries to get them indoctrinated into it.

I would be very concerned for the children in your situation and would be trying to get them as far away from this as possible.

I don't see the drama particularly. Your DP is not part of it

I think you are totally naïve to live with them though. Suggest you do whatever you need to to move out.

@Theatrelover2

He can't help it in regards of what his family is like,

he has openly expressed his dislike of the ways and ideology,
real suprised he hasn't yet been punished in some way for that ,
usaully being made a social pariah of that particular cult
or
Just been kicked out off the cults followers place

Anyway why wouldn't you want to just leave on your own accord,

I can understand mixed conflicted feelings on his part for all sorts of reasons,
and you having obvious feelings for him

you know yourself it's best for you to leave this all behind hopefully he will make the right decision too and support you by coming to join you too,

understand its a big decision on his part to leave his family everything he has known even ifs extremely dysfunctional,
it's familar and for someone who's been brought up in all this dysfunctionality,

it's going to be out of his comfort zone unfamiliar big time,

I also think 🤔 you should report about all this to the relevant Authorities the police as it sounds like sexual grooming of vulnerable isolated girls and young women are involved very much so with this dubious cult following too,
their is coercion manipulative control undercurrents going on here very much so in various ways..

It's one thing about the freedom to believe in anything,
but this is clearly something else by the sounds of it,

I am not against alternative belief systems quite the contrary i am quite open minded it's the sexual exploitation and the manipulative controlling aspect i find alarming about all of this..

@unlikelychump I don't think it's clear enough from what OP has said that her partner is not part of it. My safeguarding alarms would be ringing with the children.

She says he doesn't agree with it but has also been 'normalised to a lot of the weirdness'. It's not clear what exactly that means.

I would want to know a lot more before assuming that everything is OK, especially when there are children involved.

No, the leader / guru type a-hole. I had to read it twice to get it as well.

@Theatrelover2

I agree with @banjocat post in regards of safe guarding any children involved in this kind of situation and reporting to the obvious relevant Authorities in regards of this too

I also agree even though he has expressed his dislike of the ways of this cult he is still been normalised to this cults weirdness to a certain extant which is inevitable when you have brought up within all this..

@banjocat i agree too with what you said in your post on that...

Did you read the OP?

That’s not good enough. Not telling people because they might pull away is one thing. When you didn’t see them I would be more understanding

Not telling a partner who they have kids with, the entire situation, when you are moving your kids in with them absolutely isn’t acceptable. At all.

It’s really weird that he did that. If my kids father put us in that position I would be raging and I would be moving out with the kids.

Same here. I was a mormon (LDS) for 16 years from age 11 and it was an amazing experience. Such lovely kind people.
i left because my values and beliefs didn’t align with theirs. Namely that sex before marriage is a sin and that sex is for procreation only. Self pleasure also a sin.
nope just not for me.
That religion gave me the nurture and self belief that looking back i was missing from my narcissistic mother and absent father.

When I was a teen I volunteered to help in places with other kids who had severe learning disabilities to go with them on outings or discos.
I'm of the age where still some people with downs syndrome were still being given the generic uniform of white tee, leggings and pe pumps, so I'd take my roll on glitter and butterfly hair clips etc with me and do what I could to make the girls look more like teenagers than little old ladies from the 80s.
Anyway I went to a farm outing once and there was twin girls with their hair braided under cloth bonnets is how is best to describe it and wearing amish style clothing. Sorry I don't have a better description. I was warned with my glitter or clips or eyeshadow to not even think about it. These twinnies would have been punished massively. So obviously I never, but I went and chatted to them and they were smiley but non verbal. They had a unusual physical look as well as their dresses.
Their parents were a part of a cult that encouraged inbreeding and sadly these girls were likely not only physically different with intellectual disability because of that, but also being abused by this cult because years later one of them became pregnant. I can say with 100% confidence that neither twin would have the capacity to give consent. They didn't have the ability to choose orange/blackcurrant juice even with visual aids.

If OP your DC are anywhere near a cult please, please leave.
Make sure these people never ever have access alone with your DC.
Remember the mantra, "I'd always rather be extra cautious than extra sorry".

Good luck with getting away from all this crazy shit x

I have a colleague who revealed that they were from something resembling this. Each of his siblings and possibly himself all faced sexual abuse within the cult. They were also forced to work for a business owned by the senior members and had to pay huge portions of earned income back in to the pot.

There is clearly a huge similarity here and I would advise to get your children away. You DP can choose to leave if he wants. Put the kids first.

You need to leave, they won't be working on you they know they'll get nowhere. They'll be working on your young children though who will grow up thinking this is normal and may join themselves. Go, with or without your DP.

And he does everything he does because "profit".

The individuals are. The institution is not.

I’m going with LDS.

I have two very close friends. Both ex LDS. It’s a hugely complicated background but that is part of your children’s history. And ultimately your husband is a victim.

I think the fact that your dp is ok with having his kids living in that house, listening to that shit, is a problem.

I have known dozens of Mormons throughout my life and never, ever, did any of them act like they were in a cult.

But then, I became an adult when the Moonies were big, so I do realize the difference between basic religion and a cult. Moonies were a cult. Waco was a cult. The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is a cult. Scientology is a cult.

Being a Catholic does not mean you are in a cult, FFS. Ditto with Lutheran, Methodist, LDS, Presbyterian, etc. 🙄

I'm sure they are to your face.

A former colleague was ostracised by them when her husband left her for a younger woman when their kids were toddlers. They blamed her for him being unfaithful while he was still welcomed into the fold with open arms.

They are not harmless, they’ll be working on your children. Why are you all living with them?

Worth a listen to some podcasts on this. The one on Waco explains quite well how people were groomed & taken in, especially the first few episodes.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/end-of-days/id1445146482

Doesn't sound much different from many organised religions IME...... Which religion is this?

Come on let's not call the mainstream arm of the latter day saints cultists, yes they are quite odd and have some funny beliefs but they don't shun people and are usually really pleasant people.

The watchtower is most definitely a cult though they demand your time and shun you for leaving. I wouldn't get involved with any current Jehovah's witness.

I think you’re being a bit over the top here.

You don’t want to marry him and take his name but you’ve already got DC?

Your DP obviously doesn’t believe in any of it and wants no part of it. I don’t think he’s going to lure you into the cult. Tbh it’s just a huge shame for your DP that he’s had to grow up with all of this.

Sort your finances out and live somewhere else. Problem solved.

Also this part But really they mock and ridicule people that don't think like them, refuse to hear otherwise a lot of people are like this, have you seen the daily mail?