Starting to realise dp is in a cult....

[Theatrelover2]

I've been with dp for 5 years. We have dc. For financial reasons we are having to live with his parents. So at the start of the relationship I never really met his family properly, it was only ever in brief intervals. We never spoke long enough for the cracks to show.

As time went on and we moved in with them things started to unravel. It turns out his parents believe in some sort of divine entity. All of his family/family friends come from this same fellowship. At first I thought it was harmless. People have their belief systems and that is that. They didn't seem eccentric or different and weren't to the extreme of secluding themselves and didn't use modern technology ect.

However as I've watched more cult documentaries I've begin to see more similarities within the dynamic. For example partner swapping, questionable age difference relationships, radical ideas that are pushed, only having their entire social circle with the same belief to affirm these things. There is more but it would be outing.

I'm starting to find it all a bit disturbing to say the least and now wondering what the hell I've got myself let alone my children into. I used to think nothing of all of this since I thought it didn't take away from them being open minded, nice people. But really they mock and ridicule people that don't think like them, refuse to hear otherwise and are actually really selfish to their cause. I guess my aibu here is that it's starting to reflect on how I view my dp. He doesn't agree with any of it but he has been normalised to alot of the weirdness going on and I just don't want any part in it. I can't see myself getting married into this situation and I definitely don't want to take his last name.

This could all just be an exaggeration on my part, dp did call out his parents saying you realise this is a cult you are in and they didn't even deny it! I'm tired of hearing how daily things are because of this divine spirit or because of the powers they possess to will it true. What do I do from here?

Who's got low standards?
The OP has had children with this man. He isn't involved in whatever cult his parents are, he's broken away from it and is actively speaking against it to them. Assuming from the OPs post that this man is a good partner and father to their kids (or she'd have left him for another reason), why would she leave him because of his parents lifestyle/beliefs? Unless she doesn't actually love him anymore or there's more to him than the OP stated, then tearing a family apart over this has nothing to do with standards.

Yes the same man that let her and his kids move in with his family, without telling the OP the full information.

Decent People who break away from cults don’t move their young families back in with them, whilst not being really open with the other parent so they can make an informed decision.

LDS ≠ FLDS!

LDS, or Mormons, are pretty chill and ordinary Christian values. To those who don't know the difference, have a look. It's pretty fascinating how FLDS operate, but I didn't think they were over here in the UK.

Assuming you're not going to live with them long term, but just do what you can to protect your children. At least your DP questions them, so it's not everyone versus you. Are you able to tell us what it is that they're apart of, or is that too outing?

Jaysis lads. Lay off on the Mormon/lds bashing. I was a fully committed member of this church for 12 years ( aged 30-42). I left as I was unable to align myself with some of its teachings but I had the privilege of meeting some of the best people I know. Some of my closest and dearest friends are still active members and my family and I greatly benefitted from many of the principles and teachings of this faith. Yeah it is quite a strict religion but my experiences are definitely not reflective of some of the posts written here by people who probably have no actual experience of it and watched a Netflix documentary on FLDS which would be like saying the views of the Westboro Baptist Church represented those of all Christian denominations.

The mormon church is not normal or harmless in any way. They believe some really out-there stuff and it is highly controlling. The people can be nice - they literally have to be - but definitions of what 'nice' is, are not necessarily the same. It is true that mormons/lds members seem happy with their lot, but there is a lot of pressure from within to be that way. Unofficial and subtle forms of shunning happen when members leave, even within families. I've known it destroy just as many lives as it has allegedly saved. Is it is as bad as scientology? No. Is it as bad as the JWs? Almost.

They have to pay 10% of their income to be worthy of salvation. It is a multi-billionaire organisation. The top leaders are dishonest, manipulative and exploitative. It is a harmful cult based on fabrication and intent on control.

My sarcasm filter clearly needs adjusting.

Isn't tithing expected in the church of England as well?

Tithing is expected in a LOT of religions. The LDS people I know are absolutely genuinely lovely and friendly. If it's an act, and I very much doubt that it is, they are actresses of oscar-winning standard.

You can't be involved in genealogy to a professional standard and not come across LDS members and resources. Never had a single problem with any of them.

Paying 10%, or tithing, is from the Old Testament. It's not just the Mormons, other denominations do as well. Just because it isn't common here doesn't mean it's a crazy idea.

@TravelInHope I got it 😁

Tithing is one thing, but I don't think it is as common to have it as a requirement for salvation. You can't go to the mormon temple without paying tithing. You can't be saved by jesus or go to mormon heaven without going to the temple. I don't think that is okay. And it's not as if the mormon church uses the majority of its hundreds of billions of dollars for the best deeds. Most of that is tied up in stocks and shares, or in property investment. A good organisation - and especially one that claims to be Jesus' only one true church on earth - would be building hospitals and so on, not building expensive shopping malls.

It's exploitation and corruption.
The men at the top are horrible.

Controlling other people is wrong. Doing it by lying about its history adds another layer of wrong. Dictating every part of their lives because otherwise they won't go to heaven, is a high level of control. And that is also wrong.

No, it's not expected. There's a pot that gets handed round towards the end of the service, where you can add some coins as a donation. Some people put notes in, but I've rarely seen that.

That's quite different to paying 10% of your entire income. Not to mention they have to attend tithing settlement each year, and if the church leader is in any doubt about paying an honest tithe, you have to provide evidence.

It's not even the main issue with the religion. There are many others.

Actually, @WalkingThroughTreacle, from the documentary I saw several years ago, money didn’t seem top of their list.
Their bizarre “religion” did, polygamy did, their prophet did and procreating did.
The formal LDS church in Utah has made it clear that they are not affiliated in any way with the FLDS.

Do you have a plan to move out?

Otherwise your children will be normalised to more of it.

@CoatOfArms

I readily admit to not knowing a single Mormon in the U.K.
I do know several here in the U.S., though, and they’re just normal, friendly regular people with normal regular jobs.
We have quite a community here in my small town in California - there’s a large community of Mormons, Mennonites, Catholics, Serbian Orthodox, Buddhists, and Christians such as Baptists & Methodists, Presbyterians, etc.
No one stands out from the other.
The LDS church is based in Utah. There are Mormons all over the U.S.
The FLDS is based in a very small community in NW Arizona, I believe, and in another small place in SW Colorado. The FLDS stick close to this area because they don’t want intruders.
I think they were involved in one incident earlier this year or last year where they were caught transporting minor girls across state lines - or something. It was bizarre, and the new “self-professed prophet” was accused of wanting to have sex with all of them, including his own daughter. All very icky.

The mainstream mormon church does not practice polygamy anymore. It is a part of their doctrine that in heaven men will be married to more than one wife. They are not affiliated with the FLDS.

Mormons are normal people to the outside world and unlikely to do any damage due to being law abiding citizens who are intent on presenting a wholesome picture to the world. Most of that is true.

The actual LDS church itself, perhaps like many other religions (?) has been recently caught up in sex abuse scandals involving children, and worse, covering it up. There is also ongoing friction within the religion concerning the long term practice of interviewing of minors regarding sexual matters where parents are not present. I can't remember to what extent this has been resolved or not.

A completely harmless religion if you are not involved in it. Not the case if you have a family member in it, or if they are trying to indoctrinate you. However, obviously we don't know what the OP's husband is involved in.
But with cults, follow the BITE model to assess it's degree of cultiness:
High control religions (cults) will seek to control:

Behaviour
Information
Thoughts
Emotions

It's not about teaching, sharing, influence or invitation, it's about an increasing level of control.

Ultimately this thread will go nowhere if OP doesn't share more. But hopefully she will get herself moved out.

Yes the Mormons I know are from the US - one California, one Utah.

Read Steve Hassan’s book Combating Cult Mind Control. He talks about the BITE model and asserts that LDS/Mormonism is a cult, as is JW.
He was in the Moonies.

All religions appears odd to non believers.

Christians believe in Creationism, an immaculate conception, a manger birth, a resurrection, miracles, and so on.

Many go off, regularly, to church, to “talk” and sing to an entity they cannot see, touch, hear.

They give money to the organisers, via collections.

Not entirely rational to some.🙄

Yes, his work is very good.

There are also some excellent resources about different cults on youtube, from people who have left.

I agree

Where a cult differs though is that there is a high level of control over the members

The issue here isn't about being odd or appearing irrational