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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My car v his car

171 replies

wishingitwouldsmile · 20/12/2023 19:12

AIBU

Last year my DH decided he didn’t need a car-we live a 15/20 minute stroll from his work. He cited affordability and that we could use ‘my’ car as needed-which I had/have no issue with.

This left us with ‘my’ car which I pay for -the monthly payments, insurance, repairs etc.

We use the car for school transport, and any other journeys. DH has full use of this car when I’m at work. He will also use the car to get to work on the days I’m working a late shift.

Earlier this year my shifts changed and there
are some days where I like to go to the gym, meet a friend, go shopping etc. I really enjoy being able to do this. I need the car on these occasions.

DH is claiming I’m selfish for taking the car on days he could use it to go to work. So, I would essentially not be able to go to the shops etc because he wants to use the car to drive to work-where it would remain unused in the car park.

I try to not organise things so he can take the car to avoid an argument. It really feels unfair.
I don’t go places every week but feel I should be able to if I want.

It was his choice to not have a car (cost).

AIBU to some days want to use my car to do thing I want to do.

OP posts:
Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 20/12/2023 21:19

@wishingitwouldsmile in future say no and smile whilst handing him his all weather gear.
cant help you with the guilt, but try to slap it back in it’s box. It’s an unwarranted emotion in this scenario.

ohdamnitjanet · 20/12/2023 21:22

Aquamarine1029 · 20/12/2023 19:22

My, how quickly the entitlement kicked in. He knows where they sell cars. Point him in that direction. Take him off your insurance for a bit of extra motivation.

Yes!

SecondUsername4me · 20/12/2023 21:23

You need to just stand firm.

"This arrangement no longer works. I solely fund a car that I am being made to feel guilty wanting to use. Either get your own car or walk the places you need to go. I was happy sharing but you are just taking the piss - not paying towards it and demanding it above me when it is mine. You can't use it any more"

ohdamnitjanet · 20/12/2023 21:24

Your car, you drive it whenever the hell it suits you. You know full well he wouldn’t be inconveniencing himself one teeny tiny jot if the position was reversed.

Canthave2manycats · 20/12/2023 21:26

Screw that!! He got rid of his car on the basis that he could walk to work - so he walks to work!! The end!

If YOUR car is de facto the family car, which it seems it is, then he should be contributing half of the running costs.

HerMammy · 20/12/2023 21:27

Simple NO, you've to have your freedom limited whilst your car sits in a carpark all day because his lazy arse can't be bothered walking.
Stand up for yourself, you're £500om down and he's dictating when you use YOUR car. Cheeky twat.

Original poster
wishingitwouldsmile · 20/12/2023 21:35

HerMammy · 20/12/2023 21:27

Simple NO, you've to have your freedom limited whilst your car sits in a carpark all day because his lazy arse can't be bothered walking.
Stand up for yourself, you're £500om down and he's dictating when you use YOUR car. Cheeky twat.

Thank you. I need to toughen up and not be made to feel im being selfish

OP posts:
Original poster
wishingitwouldsmile · 20/12/2023 21:36

Canthave2manycats · 20/12/2023 21:26

Screw that!! He got rid of his car on the basis that he could walk to work - so he walks to work!! The end!

If YOUR car is de facto the family car, which it seems it is, then he should be contributing half of the running costs.

Yes, there is this too-I'm footing the full bill for a family car which brings mutual benefit

OP posts:
Allfur · 20/12/2023 21:36

You're married - share stuff - and both get a bicycle perhaps

Original poster
wishingitwouldsmile · 20/12/2023 21:37

SecondUsername4me · 20/12/2023 21:23

You need to just stand firm.

"This arrangement no longer works. I solely fund a car that I am being made to feel guilty wanting to use. Either get your own car or walk the places you need to go. I was happy sharing but you are just taking the piss - not paying towards it and demanding it above me when it is mine. You can't use it any more"

Good, wise words. I need to be firm.

OP posts:
DuesToTheDirt · 20/12/2023 21:37

wishingitwouldsmile · 20/12/2023 20:58

He's got kit/clothes I think he just sees it as easier taking the car!

Show quote history

Honestly, all this over a 15-20 minute walk. He sounds like a complete wuss if he doesn't want to walk that far - rain, wind, whatever. Does he do any kind of exercise, or is he a total couch potato?

Allfur · 20/12/2023 21:48

How far is your drive to work? I can't believe all this fuss over a car

Original poster
wishingitwouldsmile · 20/12/2023 21:54

Allfur · 20/12/2023 21:48

How far is your drive to work? I can't believe all this fuss over a car

The issue with using the car is at times when I'm not working but might wish to go somewhere.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/12/2023 22:29

But he said he could walk to work, if he doesn't want to anymore then he needs to buy his own car or an electric bike.

You need to stop feeling guilty and every time he mentions that you are being selfish pull him up and remind you pay on full for a car that he regularly benefits from which was his choice.

Does he know his 2 years NCD disappear if he doesn't have insurance for 2 years?

Hankunamatata · 20/12/2023 22:38

If he wants car as a joint car then he pays for it as a joint car.

We went down to one car and it was me it impacted the most as you have said flexibility to do things. I lasted 4 months and we brought a second car (luckily we could afford it)

SgtJuneAckland · 20/12/2023 22:43

We did this, but DH cycles to work and my car is now the car, it's paid for jointly , I still use it more than dh does as I was happy to continue to run two cars, he felt it unnecessary and that it would encourage him to cycle more and mostly he does.
I wasn't working Monday, I dropped DS off then DH at work then went to the gym a bit later than I would've other wise, I didn't have to but it was raining heavily and I could.

Birdcar · 20/12/2023 22:43

Call his bluff.

Tell him he's right. Cars are too expensive to run. You can't afford to pay it by yourself so you've decided to get rid of your car too.

SkySecret · 20/12/2023 23:09

I’m with the taking him off the insurance suggestion!

Murica · 21/12/2023 01:11

wishingitwouldsmile · 20/12/2023 21:37

Good, wise words. I need to be firm.

Show quote history

I hope you're able to do this, OP. I ended up in many similar situations with an ex. I would plan to stand firm and then he'd list all the reasons why I was being unreasonable and I'd start to doubt myself. You are not in the wrong here! Repeat yourself calmly and firmly no matter what he says.

EconomyClassRockstar · 21/12/2023 01:26

Even my 85 year old Mum refused to give up her car until it got to the point that one of them could no longer drive. By no longer drive, I mean one of them died so I don't think any of us need to go this extreme!

If it isn't working for you having one car and you (he) can afford a second, even a cheap run about, go for that.

theGooHasGone · 21/12/2023 03:11

It's your car, you pay for it. He can use it when you don't want it, and for no other reason. If he's not happy with it, he can buy his own sodding car.

LifeExperience · 21/12/2023 03:25

He is financially abusing you. He needs to either pay half of the costs of the car or get his own car. He doesn't have the right to drive at your expense.

Copperoliverbear · 21/12/2023 03:49

Tell him it's my car, I will use it when I want and if I don't want, you can use it, walk to work you lazy git and if you don't like it buy your own car, I will always have priority over your needs, because guess what it's my car. X

Selenitetower · 21/12/2023 04:21

He is being unreasonable he decided to get rid of his car and said he would walk to work, so off he walks. If he doesn’t want to walk he can get a bike OR perhaps by himself a car. This would infuriate me and if there was a risk that he would take your car despite you saying no I’d be hiding the keys on the CF.

Codlingmoths · 21/12/2023 04:34

Next time he gets shirty, you say excuse me, did I miss something where you asked us to merge finances? Or where you have transferred to my account half of my costs for the car since you decided you didn’t need one? It’s my car. I didn’t sell my car and decide I get to argue with you over who gets your car every time I want to use it.