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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brianna Ghey.

263 replies

girlfriend44 · 20/12/2023 18:18

Two teenagers found guilty today of murdering Brianna last Feb.

The murder was plotted on their phones. Discussed between them. The girl had a note in her bedroom found on the floor, of the murderous Plan.

The girl had downloaded the dark Web on her phone and was watching violence and gore and was obsessed with serial killers.

Where are the parents in all of this?
They just seemed to have no idea of what their teens are up to and what they are watching?

Parents are paying for the phone, no doubt, shouldn't they take more interest.

What started out as buying a little payg phone so you could contact your child on the way to and from school has gone way too far.

It's horrible out there what's going on?

Rip Brianna. We have a real problem that people are being evil so young,

Also shied been expelled from previous school lovely young lady.
She came to Briannas school and identified her as vulnerable, makes you wonder if there should be more safeguarding too?

If your expelled from school, why should another school want you. In this case it proved fatal.

OP posts:
Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 05:08

Depriving teenagers of privacy is awful. I can’t believe there are people on here genuinely saying that parents should read all messages their 15 year old has sent/received. If you have an open and honest relationship with your child you don’t need to become MI5. How would you have felt at that age if someone read your diary?

It’s incredibly naive and ignorant to think that parents not checking their child’s phone (or the fact that one of the kids may have SEN!) is what caused this shocking crime. It’s far more complicated and nuanced than that. Anyone on the “technology caused this murder” bandwagon is clearly of questionable cognitive function.

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 05:19

“The difference is, children with autism and ADHD attack due to an angry outburst out of frustration and their way of dealing with it is to attack “

So, so untrue The misinformation on heard re autism is just appalling. People with autism generally dont attack even when in fight/flight mode.

littlebopeepp234 · 22/12/2023 05:38

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 05:19

“The difference is, children with autism and ADHD attack due to an angry outburst out of frustration and their way of dealing with it is to attack “

So, so untrue The misinformation on heard re autism is just appalling. People with autism generally dont attack even when in fight/flight mode.

My dd has autism and is quite high on the spectrum so I am not misinformed thank you very much!!!!!! Also, my dd does not have a nasty bone in her body but once she is in meltdown mode will take a swipe at my face or hair. That is purely out of frustration and upset rather than anger. What I am saying is that blaming autism for this evil murder isn’t really fair to those with autism because they would be unlikely to be the type to plot such an evil calculated murder just because they have autism alone. There is something much deeper than autism going on with those two teens who killed Brianna and I doubt it is anything much to do with autism as an autistic person has a meltdown and lashes out at that moment in time due to frustration, not because they get a kick out of hurting people and plot evil murders

littlebopeepp234 · 22/12/2023 05:46

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 05:19

“The difference is, children with autism and ADHD attack due to an angry outburst out of frustration and their way of dealing with it is to attack “

So, so untrue The misinformation on heard re autism is just appalling. People with autism generally dont attack even when in fight/flight mode.

Also just to add to my reply to this, I was responding to a poster who was claiming that kids with autism do attack their parents violently so basically implying that autistic people can turn into serial killers - so I was basically saying that autistic people have outbursts from knee jerk reaction due to being frustrated at that moment in time - just like my dd does! But that is unlikely to make an autistic person a serial killer. Those two teenagers had every intention to be a serial killer and didn’t just kill someone after a bout of frustration

Sirzy · 22/12/2023 05:55

Autism or anything else isn’t to blame for what happened but that’s not to say it isn’t a factor in the bigger picture of how it got to that point.

moving away from this case in particular for a second you only have to look at the prison population to see how many people there are neurodiverse and of them how many have been diagnosed later in life. How many of them didn’t get the right support to meet their needs when younger which is how they ended up on the path they did? Again that’s not blaming the additional needs for whatever they have done but it’s accepting it’s a piece of the jigsaw. By finding those common factors it should be able to be used to help prevent others going down the same path - except we still have a system whereby early intervention and support is hard to access.

ds is 14. I am lucky that I have been able to fight to get him what support he needs, he has attended two schools which are able to cater for his needs (helped by the fight I had to get the water tight Ehcp that actually reflects him not a generic one like too many!) . As a result he is doing well and thriving now but I can see how things could have been different if we hadn’t been able to get the diagnosis and support when we did. That early intervention has hopefully set the building bricks for him moving forward whatever that may look like.

sadly the system as it is at the moment fails too many young people. It shouldn’t have to take a parent screaming from the rooftops and taking local authorities to court to get access to basics but it does. Without any blame at all on any parents many parents simply can’t navigate all of that so their children fall through the cracks.

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 05:56

I have autism as do my children. I have never attacked anybody and neither have my children. My dd and I tend to bolt when in fight flight mode, she also self harms. Wording needs to be watched as the way you write your post inferred that it’s common for people with autism to be violent. It isn’t. Up to 20% have outbursts and most aren’t going to be violent towards other people. In my experience of working with children who have autism if you cater for need and make reasonable adjustments which isn’t hard outbursts aren’t common in school settings.

I just knew when autism was mentioned in this case it would be used to demonise ND youngsters.

littlebopeepp234 · 22/12/2023 06:00

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 05:56

I have autism as do my children. I have never attacked anybody and neither have my children. My dd and I tend to bolt when in fight flight mode, she also self harms. Wording needs to be watched as the way you write your post inferred that it’s common for people with autism to be violent. It isn’t. Up to 20% have outbursts and most aren’t going to be violent towards other people. In my experience of working with children who have autism if you cater for need and make reasonable adjustments which isn’t hard outbursts aren’t common in school settings.

I just knew when autism was mentioned in this case it would be used to demonise ND youngsters.

Just because yours don’t attack, some do. However I was responding to a poster who was saying that kids with autism are violent and attack their parents. And I WAS NOT IMPLYING ANY SUCH THING. Maybe read back at the poster I was responding to first before saying that I was implying things that I wasn’t. My response to that poster was basically that even if they do attack their parents, it’s extremely unlikely to make them a serial killer and that autistic outbursts are purely out of frustration. Some autistic kids can have some intense meltdowns as does my dd, some attack, a lot don’t, however even IF these outbursts lead to murder (which is extremely unlikely) then it wouldn’t because it had been plotted by a pair of disturbed weirdos who had a kill list and got a thrill out of violence and murder

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:15

Maybe readback your own posts

”The difference is, children with autism and ADHD attack due to an angry outburst out of frustration and their way of dealing with it is to attack”

littlebopeepp234 · 22/12/2023 06:18

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:15

Maybe readback your own posts

”The difference is, children with autism and ADHD attack due to an angry outburst out of frustration and their way of dealing with it is to attack”

I was responding to a poster!!! GO FIND THE POST I WAS RESPONDING TO AND READ THAT POST and you will see exactly why I said that sentence, otherwise stop replying to me because I was definitely NOT implying what you seem to think I was!

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:19

I don’t care who you were replying to what you wrote was inaccurate and offensive.

littlebopeepp234 · 22/12/2023 06:24

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:19

I don’t care who you were replying to what you wrote was inaccurate and offensive.

Ok but don’t jump on my posts in response to another poster then! I’m not replying any further as you have twisted my words and what I was saying!! IT WAS ANOTHER POSTER WHO WAS SAYING THAT AUTISTIC KIDS ARE VIOLENT ATTACK THEIR PARENTS !! Please stop replying to me because if you do I won’t respond, you just seem to be looking for an argument just for arguments sake! Also not completely inaccurate as I have already stated my own DD with diagnosed autism sometimes attacks me!!!!

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:32

Okaaaay so you repeatedly post at me but are demanding no replies. Sounds reasonable.🤔

littlebopeepp234 · 22/12/2023 06:38

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:32

Okaaaay so you repeatedly post at me but are demanding no replies. Sounds reasonable.🤔

It’s you who responded to me in the first place hence why I responded to you! You have completely got the wrong end of the stick about what I was saying so if you are offended then maybe direct that at the poster who was saying that autistic people are capable of murder because they attack their parents rather than responding to my response to that poster and twisting it into something that you seem to think I was implying when I wasn’t!

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:39

I am fully aware of why you posted what you did, you still need to watch your wording. As I have repeated several times now.

littlebopeepp234 · 22/12/2023 06:45

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:39

I am fully aware of why you posted what you did, you still need to watch your wording. As I have repeated several times now.

I do not need to watch my wording! Sorry if you think I do. I think it is you who needs to watch yours as you are completely getting the wrong end of the stick

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:48

I disagree

littlebopeepp234 · 22/12/2023 06:50

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:48

I disagree

Agree to disagree then because you have completely taken my wording out of context and don’t seem to understand why I said what I did. So therefore I have nothing more to say to you

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:51

As I have repeatedly said and you don’t seem to be able to grasp. Yes I do understand why you wrote what you did but you still need to watch your wording. Because you do.

littlebopeepp234 · 22/12/2023 06:53

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:51

As I have repeatedly said and you don’t seem to be able to grasp. Yes I do understand why you wrote what you did but you still need to watch your wording. Because you do.

I do grasp what you are saying but I do not think I need to watch my wording when I was responding to another poster’s wording who was the original person who used that particular wording, not myself! But anyway I’ll let you think what you like

Gran0laG1rl · 22/12/2023 06:54

Great, please do.

GreenChecker · 22/12/2023 06:59

strawberryjeans · 20/12/2023 18:24

Poor, poor girl

Yes, something has happened to her in her childhood that has led to her going down this path. There is always more to the story.

Lougle · 22/12/2023 07:19

GreenChecker · 22/12/2023 06:59

Yes, something has happened to her in her childhood that has led to her going down this path. There is always more to the story.

Show quote history

I think we say things like this to comfort ourselves that it could never be us. It could never be our children. Because we raise our children right, with love and attention, etc. The truth is, it could be.

You just have to look at people's accounts of 'trauma' they experienced. One person's PTSD is another person's unpleasant experience. These children may well have had 'something happen to them' in childhood, but it could be as simple as 'Mum said no to X and I really wanted it'.

We speak as if children are a homogenous mass, but they all have unique personalities and brain chemistries, with genetic variations. I believe these children were caught up in a perfect storm - they had the means, the motivation, the opportunity, and, crucially, the encouragement of another individual.

LonelynSad · 22/12/2023 08:17

SausageChopsBellyFlops · 20/12/2023 18:32

The dark Web is piss easy to get on, it doesn't require a load of specialist knowledge and equipment.

Quite concerned that you know this

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 22/12/2023 08:22

All of the press, even the bbc, are rubbing their hands together this morning about the fact that the murderers will be named shortly. It's so gruesome. They've been given their punishment. They can't escape it. We don't need the titillation of knowing their names. Anyway, their local community must know who they are.

coffeandrteav · 22/12/2023 08:22

strawberryjeans
Poor, poor girl

Yes, something has happened to her in her childhood that has led to her going down this path. There is always more to the story.

Lucy Letby too? What went wrong?

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