Can someone unpick this text for me from woman I'm seeing?

[kyletile]

I've been in a relationship with someone for the past 5 months. It is going much slower than she would like, I am aware of that. This is due to my work, and when I have my children. She has said that I am 'emotionally closed off' and don't arrange dates often. I would agree with her on this but it is who I am and at 5 months in it's how I feel comfortable at the moment. This morning I woke up to this text and haven't yet responded as to be honest, I'm not really sure what she wants from it. Is it a break up text? Is it an ultimatum? Anyone any idea?

'Hey, I’m been having a think and I feel you are emotionally unavailable at the moment. This has been playing on my mind quite a bit and I don’t feel emotionally you can give me what I need at the moment due to this. I feel I have been making a lot of effort, trying to arrange to see you, expressing my feelings, trying to have open conversations with you and I am being met with a lack of enthusiasm, a lack of interest and an overall aloofness that leaves me feeling discontented.

Therefore, I’ve decided that I’m going to pull back and live my life. I will leave the door open, however, I’m no longer interested in texting everyday or expending my energy, if we’re not moving forward in some way. Ie, you arranging dates frequently and for a change/getting to know me on a deeper level. You said you noticed I hadn’t been as sexual, and I need emotional closeness with someone for my sexual desire to be kept ignited. It can’t possibly survive on dick pics and sexts with no depth or closeness to the person I am sharing with. I’m going to continue living my life, I’m going to start dating others again and I’m going to step away from, what feels to me, to be a toxic situation.

I’m not sure if this is how you are in general, or if it’s just with me. As much as I hope you can work through your emotional blocks and allow yourself to be vulnerable, I’m not asking you to apologise or change yourself. However, should this be a temporary state of mind then as I’ve said, I’ve left the door open for now if you wish to reach out. If not, then I wish you the best.'

I'm not sure what she wants from me. I tell her I'm interested and have feelings for her, but she says she doesn't feel it. She wants dates arranged within a few days of our last and I'm quite happy to wait.

You don’t need to constantly arrange a date as soon as one is done.

Lots of people find that too intense.
If you don’t then that’s fine.

And I didn’t say anything about her not prioritising her children, it doesn’t even say she has children.

But OP has children and so do I, which makes dating much more challenging and it’s not always possible to book a next date until you know what the children are doing first.

I've been that woman and he:

• didn't arrange any of the dates beyond the first one.
• wanted me to fit in around his life where convenient, which meant seeing each other every 2-3 weeks, even though he lived nearby.
• thought unfufilling sex and dick pics was enough.
• wanted a mortgage and kids ASAP and didn't put in the effort to get to know me beyond superficiality.

I got bored after about 5 months and dumped him. She dumped you, and told you that you'd need a massive personality charge to ever consider dating you again. Don't string her along, do encourage her to move on. She deserves better.

Consider what she told you about yourself before you date anyone else. What exactly is it you do not understand about her message?

She sends you dick picks too? 😳

Sounds like you are not very demonstrative with your feelings and she is or you are a slow burner and she is the 'wear her heart on her sleeve' sort of person. Either way, you don't sound compatible.

Sorry...you lost me with the dick pics. ick.

I'm not sure what she wants from me. I tell her I'm interested and have feelings for her, but she says she doesn't feel it.

you ask "Im not sure what she wants from me" then answer the question below

*She wants dates arranged within a few days of our last" and I'm quite happy to wait.

tbh most people want to see each other a couple of times a week if they are dating and sexually active - its not uncommon.

You don't want to do that so you're on different wave lengths - thats hat she wants and has told you

@kyletile

The thing is even though you have work and family commitments,
do you show her enough how 🤔 much you Want to spend quality time with her?

to make up for the fact it's more tricky navatigating work/ family commitments around developing relantship,

it's intimacy she really wants here too,

do you know what that really means?

just sending dic pictures and having a bit of nookie here and there when you can fit it in like a couple of hormonal teenagers discovering sex for first time,

just not going cut it really in the long term,

OP you started this thread. Lots of people have taken time and effort to reply, but you can't be bothered to respond. That's annoying. It's also really similar to the way in which you are conducting your relationship with this woman. She has had enough, and soon the people posting on here will feel the same.

All relationships, even with people you don't know on the internet, are based on reciprocity.

I agree.

When reading it I put myself in OPs position and thought how I would feel if a man texted me similar.

Wanting to move on and go on dates but yet still leaving the door open seems very confusing.
They either want to end things or they don’t.

I definitely think they’re incompatible and after only 5 months it shouldn’t be this difficult.

How can you not be sure what she wants?

It's crystal clear from her message.

For the future, dick pics aren't really that impressive or exciting. Unless it lights up or can recite Shakespeare, we've probably seen it all before and it's not that big a deal. Put it away and spend the time and energy on building better communication.

The only communication generated by a dick pic is: "Yes, that's a penis. How exciting for you."

You are just not right together. When you meet a woman you are really into this will all change, and you’ll be desperate to see her.

I like the text, she’s clear about what she wants and what she’s going to do.

She wants you to want her and to show that you want her by showing it rather than saying it.

Neither of you are wrong, you just aren’t right for each other.

You say you’re not sure what she wants from you but she’s telling you loud and clear you’re just choosing not to see it.

Ive got a lot of respect for her telling you straight how she feels rather than some woolly excuse.

Shes given you a chance to look at what you can do to make it work - it’s up to you if you take that chance.

Tbh from your post, you don’t actually seem that bothered enough to do anything about it.

This post made me smile.

It's compatibility. It's interesting you mention you're not sure if you're even gonna text her back.

That doesn't sound to me like your that into her.

Into her enough to fuck her/sexted sure.

Into her enough to know her a human being passed the body your fucking ? Maybe not.

If you really like someone and you get this message, usually you would think fuck right I can do Zyx.

The fact you can't summon up the energy to respond and/or listen to what she's saying about dates and you understand what she's asking for but deem it as less important to you, to me makes me think shes bang on the money. You're just not that into her.

Why do I suspect either you haven't had a proper relationship ever or you have just gotten out of a messy relationship and just interested in playing/fucking ?

No judgement for wanting things causal, but if you weren't clear to her in what you were looking for and just strung her along for 5 months then yes a fair bit of judgement tbh.

@kyletile

Learn from this whats happened here and either step up to the plate in this relationship or
just move on from this experience and learn from short comings from this relationship for future reference in other relantships in future type of thing,

I wouldn't have bothered with all that waffle. I'd just have said you're dumped which is the summary of her text to you.

Thing is… I know a man who had young teenagers when he met his wife (by chance, not out but not actively looking). Yes he could’ve been an idiot and messed around but he wanted a relationship, pursued it and was married I think within 2-3 years. She didn’t want or felt she was too old for kids but was happy to take his on and has her career. He told me all this on a school reunion not long after he got engaged and I was so pleased for him. He said he knew it was harder for a woman to meet a man with younger children/teens which was why he hadn’t had a relationship before (plus he was married/getting divorced until/whilst kids were tweens/early teens. He didn’t want to mess someone around, waste their time.

She wants more than you’re currently offering. If you want to keep her and see a future, step up. No one wants to feel like a spare part in someone’s life however if that level or effort and commitment isn’t in you then just be honest.

She sounds great.

Her text is saying that she likes you but you aren't offering her enough so she is going to date other people. If you want to show her you are into her, she'll probably give you another chance. IMO you need to be responsible and either commit to a full on relationship or let her go and have the opportunity to meet someone who wants the same things as she does. Keeping her hanging on for whatever crumbs you throw her is incredibly selfish.

To me, it sounds like you are only "into her" when you are horny.

You are only around for a date when YOU want a date. That's not a relationship.

Frankly, you sound very self-centered, selfish, egotistical and immature.

You talk the talk but you are not walking the walk. IOW--you are all talk and no action.

BRAVO to that woman for valuing herself and seeing past your dick pics and into the fact that you want a relationship only centered around her needs.

I hope she finds a wonderful man who will value her for her and not just sex.

You--I just hope you grow the hell up before you destroy some woman's self-worth and value.

She sends you dick pics, I'm really confused now - Thai?

She wants the real dick not pictures of it.

Yes it's a "break up " message.

The fact you couldn't read it and understand it.....says a lot.

She basically dumping you because you’re not putting in the effort, leaving her waiting to arrange another date. It sounds like you’re pretty busy so maybe now’s not the best time for a relationship? Sounds like she wants a lot more than you can give her at the moment.

TBH I would left feeling confused after each date not knowing if and when you are going to want another date.

I have quite a busy life too and have found dating really hard as the other person wants more and I can’t give that to them, despite making it clear at the start people don’t seem to understand and then get annoyed when things aren’t moving on from dating/sex. If your life is busy and you have kids it’s always best to lay your cards on the table at the start and explain that you just want dating and sex rather than a full blown relationship. She’s obviously been expecting a lot more from this than you have.

Hopefully, you and the OP can meet up or at least hook up via text and send sext and sex pics to each other. You sound quite compatible.